I Just have to vent!!!!!!!!

[LCCamper]

Dear fellow TDC's -
As those here that have lost a lot of weight and are working very hard to get to their goal I am sure that you can appreciate this story!
I have a dear friend who's husband is approximately 200lbs overweight. The doctors want him to have gastric bypass surgery because he has so many life threatening health issues tied directly to his weight (severe diabetic, uncontrolled hypertension, sleep apnea, etc). Now, here is a man who would probably be one of those that do poorly with the surgery and could even die from it. His doctors told him that he had to lose approximately 10% of his body weight by dieting prior to the proceedure to "prove" that he is motivated to do the work necessary after the surgery. Well, if he can lose weight before the surgery then why bother? I said to him that ANYONE who eats only teaspoons full of food (after the surgery) would lose weight so why bother going under the knife at all? Just eat that way now! (Tongue in cheek)
Well, he said that he cannot control his eating and that the proceedure keeps you from overeating and that he thinks the only way to "forever" lose the weight is having it done. He has seen first hand the weight I and others have lost Low Carbing and he says that he just cannot do it.
I have two friends that had gastric bypass surgery and they have gained some or all of their weight back. Once people discover that there is NO magic pill, proceedure or drink that will suddenly make them slim and keep them that way without due diligence in watching what they eat and increasing their activity level they become very disappointed about having had the proceedure. I just hope and pray that he comes to terms with the fact that HE can can do this for himself without the surgery and that unless he is willing to "do the work" even if he survives the proceedure that he could ultimately end right back where he started! Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thanks for letting me get this off my chest as I just got off the phone with his wife and she is scared to death over his decision to go forward with this.

[PS Diva]

First he has to lose some weight before he can have the surgery? Well, that is the first step whether he has the surgery or not. And we will have to applaud him for doing that if he can...

You can worry about the rest later!

[Lessara]

My boyfriend, Tony, is going in for the Band operation where they put a band around the stomach to limit portions of food.
He has an issue of not feeling full ever and can eat alot of food at once. He also however has an issue of eating when he's bored, sad, depressed... emotional. I am worred that he'll be one of those who loses at first but regains it due to his habits.
He weights 515 now and also has to lose some weight before the operation.

[taming]

I think we make a mistake when we try to take our own experience and knowledge and superimpose it on another person's life. The surgery would not have been a good choice for me, but it may be the very best choice for someone else.

[dhania]

I don't think *any* kind of surgery is a good choice. I'd rather spend the money on a therapist who helps to deal with the emotional issues - and go very low carb...

While I have to stress that I am in no position to tell what is best for anyone, may I point out that bariatric surgery is per se dangerous.

http://www.bigfatblog.com/archives/001080.php

http://www.mercola.com/2005/jun/21/gastric_bypass.htm

dhania

[PS Diva]

Everything is relative. You have to decide which is riskier, and what is more important. Perhaps in his case staying fat is a death sentence that he is unsable to lift without having the surgery!

Interesting. I would certainly recommend trying other solutions before trying surgery, but this comment, I don't think *any* kind of surgery is a good choice. is such an absolute, that I had to say something!

[rightnow]

My father for years has given me pamphlets and hints about having some form of surgery.

I said dad, here's the sitch. If I have it, I have to eat small portions of low-carb food and take extensive supplements the rest of my life.

If I could do that now, I would be doing it and already thin. Having surgery, in this case, would do nothing more than screw up my health and cause a lifetime of complications, only to demand pretty similar behavior to what I could do without it.

So why have the surgery, why not behave that way? Well, right now I guess I'm not ready, but I think that'll change soon, and then I'll do it with knife and fork, not a surgical knife.

He means well. He is just afraid of me dying. I understand. But I know several people who've had the surgery, who are very happy for about two years, and then five years later are seriously overweight again and miserable from a long list of side effects. I think the 'initial' weight loss it brings sort of misleads a lot of onlookers to put more faith in it than they should.

Heh. Too bad people don't have the same response to lowcarb, which usually has quick weight loss initially too.

[missaec]

I can relate. My dad needs to lose about 150lbs and he's undergoing the surgery later this year. I'm kind of upset about it but trying to be supportive. He and I work the same way. I lost weight on low-carb... I know he could, but he just won't try it. He's tired of dieting. Though I don't think he has the personal self-control that he would need to stick to it just because of years upon years of "accepting" that he'll stay overweight no matter what. A cousin of mine recently lost 80lbs on the surgery and so he decided to go for it.

I don't necessarily agree with it, but something this drastic will change his state of mind. I'm concerned about potential complications, but I'm trying to trust his judgement... I don't think he'd do something like this to himself unless he felt there was no other way. He's only 43.

[rightnow]

I really feel like it's the way out for people who feel like there is no hope for doing it themselves.

I read about lowcarb for a few YEARS before I truly believed it might work for me. It took that long to get through my skull, after having seen my own and families' dieting results (getting fatter the more stringently we high-carb dieted of course!).

And then there is the whole getting your head around it because once you've spent a good chunk of life working your ass off to "accept the condition" because you can't change it, it takes a lot of work to shift direction.

It is really hard sometimes, I love my dad so much, but health wise he's such an idiot. He literally has had every single symptom and surgery, in the exact same sequence even, that the guy who wrote "Your Body's Many Cries for Water" describes. Talk about being textbook! And he just keeps making it worse, and then he got a blood clot and now he's on coumadin where he "can't eat anything green" -- fresh foods have vitamin K which conflicts with the drug -- geez!

I could cry for the combinations of complications that people inflict on themselves with drugs for everything under the sun.

I told my former assistant all about how eating low carb and getting of gluten and grains had totally cured my serious acid reflux. She's only 23 years old for godssakes. But no, she wasn't willing to try that -- instead, now she's on drugs for acid reflux, drugs for depression -- I'm sure by 35 she'll be having surgeries and more drugs for all the mysterious "fell on me outta the sky" ailments that are really long-term side-effects.

I don't even take ibuprofen unless I've suffered awhile. ;-)

[potatofree]

I can't help but notice the words "working very hard" in the original post are bolded for emphasis... why is that?

[revcharlie]

Potatofree, I heartily agree with what I think you are suggesting. I have a friend who worked very hard at dieting before she had gastric bypass. She dieted herself to 175 lbs overweight. Even so, I wish people didn't think it was their only option. The requirement to be losing weight before having the surgery has always puzzled since this surgery is supposedly reserved for those who have been unable to loose weight.

[AlluraD]

It would not be my choice.... and there are true health dangers involved...as there are with being obese. But I do know someone who has had it done, had a few minor complications and looks great...is thin and healthy with no lingering health issues. Everyone takes a different path in life that is a result of their experiences and beliefs. Seldom is anything all black and white~

[SkeeterX]

My sister in law had it done, and she was not so lucky. She had complication after complication, including a heart attack and a stroke. She couldn't keep medicene down that was supposed to keep a flap in her stomach from deteriorating, and well, it deteriorated. they had to remove her stomach entirely, and now her esphogas is connected to her intestine. She spent almost a year in the hospital, and now can only eat very small portions at a time. She almost died. We are so glad to have her with us today after going through all that. But I would not want her quality of life - she has seisures now. Someone has to be with her constantly.. she's 45 and looks 65. I realize its a very serious decision, but also realize that things can go very wrong.. as they did for her.

She kept a diary on the web regarding the surgery.. here is a link to it:
http://www.obesityhelp.com/morbidobesity/members/profile.php?N=K1084163159 I just wish she'd go back and updat what happened in the end, but I doubt since it looks like a hospital site that they'd allow her to.

[LCCamper]

I appreciate all of your comments and wanted you to know that my reference to "working very hard" was just a compliment to those that have made the effort to follow their plan, do the exercise and then participate here to help and support others. It is sad, but some doctors view people who weighed as much as I did as weak and unmotivated (actually had a doctor tell me that to my face). I knew that I wasn't weak and unmotivated, I just hadn't found my way to being a Low Carb eater and when I finally did - my new doctor was very impressed.
What I was really venting about is that most doctors have given people the illusion that they can no longer be successful on ANY diet and now just push the Band Surgery or Gastric Bypass Surgery even though they know that some people will not make it through the proceedure. My friend's husband has come extremely close more times than I can say in having his leg amputated because of infections, poor circulation, blood clots and then for them to paint the Gastric Bypass proceedure as his last and ONLY hope all the while telling to him and his wife that his odds for making it through the surgery were not ideal.
Well, maybe everything will come out fine and he will benefit from it - only God knows - but it sure is a big gamble to take. However, we will continue to encourage him and hope that he will see that he CAN do it without the surgery because if he can lose 10% he surely will see that he can lose it all without the surgery.
Thanks for listening.........Linda

[rightnow]

It's bad enough when "just take a pill" becomes the cure-all.

It's definitely worse when "have your body sliced open and some of your guts removed" becomes that as well.
.

[potatofree]

How do you know he can? Maybe his doctor is right (I know, not a very popular opinion on this board anymore, but sometimes a doctor can assess a situation and help a patient reach a decision about their course of treatment...) and he really doesn't have the luxury of time to mess around with any more than 10%. You have to admit, if the doctor was as knife-happy as people seem to think, the guy'd be on the table already, wouldn't he?

Sorry if it seems you're taking the brunt of it, but the posts in this thread just hit me... why is it that if someone chooses surgery, there's just no shortage of armchair physicians ready to say how gullible people who choose surgery are, and how if they only tried harder, they'd lose the weight the "right" way?

[winterlily]

Just because you personally don't believe in surgery, you really don't have the right to judge another for their choices. That surgery has been successful for a lot of people, and for some, it was the only way they could see past the dark end of the tunnel. Granted, some will gain weight back, but then that happens on every single diet out there...and probably to a lot of us as well.

Honestly if you are a true friend, you will just simply be there as a supportive person - they know your opinion, and that is enough. What works for YOU, might not be something that would work for HIM.

[LCCamper]

I can see where everyone thinks I am not for the surgery but I had two friends that did it and they flew through it with flying colors. Their health was not as compromised by diabetes and hypertension as is my friend's husband. I applaud anyone who is willing to do what they must to reclaim their health - I am just scared for him and her. I know that no one has the right to infer their feelings onto someone else and under normal circumstances I would keep it to myself but they are dear friends and the wife asked me to get involved. He is very intelligent and hopefully he will do what is best for him and if it is the surgery you can bet I will be there for them both.

[potatofree]

The only friends you mentioned were the two who gained it all back.

I have two friends that had gastric bypass surgery and they have gained some or all of their weight back. Once people discover that there is NO magic pill, proceedure or drink that will suddenly make them slim and keep them that way without due diligence in watching what they eat and increasing their activity level they become very disappointed about having had the proceedure. I just hope and pray that he comes to terms with the fact that HE can can do this for himself without the surgery and that unless he is willing to "do the work" even if he survives the proceedure that he could ultimately end right back where he started! Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!!

I guess that's what confused me. Since you say they asked you to be involved, have you gotten them together with all four friends so they can hear both sides? I bet that would help.

[LiveWell]

Personally its not for me but I dont condem anyone that was to get it. I would try my best if it was a loved one to get them to try low carb...but some people just cant "do it" without that extra push. Some just dont have the time to lose slowly too. But yes I also agree that its overdone now. I dont think they give all the options available out there either.

[MicheleK]

My best friend had the surgery...she weighed 411lbs when she went in. She got down to around 170lbs before starting to gain again. I think she's at 250ish now (and still gaining). Even though I honestly don't think she'll gain it ALL back, it's sad to see her gain so much back after going through the long process of having the surgery.

However, I do realize if she hadn't had it done, she might of kept gaining and I might not have my friend right now.

[rightnow]

Hmmn, not sure if my comment came off more harshly than I intended. I was referring in general to the 'industry' including marketing (such as the stuff my dad stuffs at me), not to the individual issue that began the thread. The conversation had (d)evolved a bit since then. ;-)

[HalfPass]

A woman I work with had a gastric bypass last year. Prior to the surgery she lost about half her weight by basically eating low carb. I was very confused about why she continued on and had the surgery, since she had already proven that she could lose weight. I have seen her "cheating' already and I think she will regain, despite the surgery.
Low carb was my "last chance" and has changed my life in so many ways. When I was really heavy I did not even realize how much prejudice that I encountered on a daily basis.

[mgw]

Being a true friend (or supportive family member) depends on whether the decision has been made or is still being made.

If the decision is being made, then you have an obligation to do what you can to allow the person to make the most informed decision they can. Clearly, the doctors make money from doing surgery, and that will bias what they say. Clearly, also, there are people for whom surgery works, and people for whom it does not work. I would think there are, or should be, a collection of web logs with the stories of people who have experienced this, who can talk about what happened to them, both how it worked, and how it did not.

Once the decision has been made, especially if the surgery has been done in a way that cannot be reversed, at that point the best action is to support what has been done, not necessarily in the sense of agreeing with the decision, but in the sense of wishing well to the patient.

mgw

[missaec]

I just found out today that my dad was turned down for the gastric bypass surgery because he hasn't been on a planned weight loss program for any period of time in the last five years.

Meaning: He hasn't tried.

I think this will be good for him though. Maybe he'll actually try LC now.