Boyfriend Issues!!

[erinleigh]

Well, I am having some big issues! So on occasion my BF will go out and hang out with his buddies, go to the bar and not come home till 3:30 or so, after bar close. Well, lastnight was the first time that he didn't come home. I have been freaking out. He said that he was going to run to the bank, and then would meet me back at my parents house. Well, he never showed up. I thought he might have gone to our house cause it a closer drive, but, when I drove by this morning and went inside he wasn't there. I am really worried! Still haven't heard from him. I can't stop crying! I keep thinking that it is something that I did, we haven't had a fight in awhile and I am just really upset! I am ready to just cave in and eat whatever I can get my hands on, or not even eat at all!

I don't want to think that he is sabbotaging me, cause I really don't think that is the case. I am hoping not!

Please some one lead me in the right direction, I am really up a creek right now! I don't know what to do!

[AFwife]

Have you called the friends he was with to see if they know where he is. I hope he didn't get into any trouble or accident.

Hugs!

[4beans4me]

Hang in there Erin, don't let a crisis rule your eating habits, you CAN do it! :bhug:

Any news?

[Mandra]

When he stays out 'till 3:30, normally, do you know in advance he is going to do this, or does he simply not show up?

If he is in the habit of doing things like this, he is NOT likely to change. In fact, any behaviors he has now are unlikely to change, and certainly you shouldn't be counting on him changing.

If this sort of behavior is the norm for him, you must decide whether you wish to live with it or not. If you want to stay with him, you must put up with this. If this kind of behavior is unacceptable to you, you need to dump him.

Any partner will have "faults" we just need to decide which are a real problem and which we can live with. NOT which ones we would like to change and then he'll be "perfect".

BTDT.

On the other hand, if he is normally thoughtfull and considerate about letting you know where he is and when he'll be back, then it's natural to worry. Hopefully he is all right. But eating carbs will not make him show up.

[erinleigh]

I really hope he is alright! I have been calling both houses.... I am really worried! I want to start calling the hospitals, police stations, I don't know what to do??? There is no answer!

I can't stop worrying about him!

I don't want to over analyze anything but, I can't help it!!!!

[AFwife]

I hope he turns up safe and sound soon.

[erinleigh]

So I have called the local hospitals and he hasn't been checked in anywhere! I really don't know whats going on!

[AFwife]

Do you know which bar he went to? Maybe call there and ask if they've seen him, when at what time?

If there were any unusual things going on that night at the bar..etc....

Let's just hope he's drunk asleep at a friends house and hope for the best.

Hugs!

[ssofian]

Erin-
My ex did that a few times so I know some of what you're feeling. I hated it. Once it turned out he slept at someone's house after a party, but didnt bother to tell me he was doing it.

Have you tried calling the police? Not to assume anything bad happened, but if there were any accidents or even arrests, they might be able to tell you. Did you already try calling the people he was hanging out with?

I will keep you in my thoughts. It is not you!

[Mandra]

My ex-BF did that to me once, he was gone for two days, had me and his parents freaked right out. Turned out he was at a friend's house, stoned. :bash:

Hope you hear something soon.:bhug:

[Ayustar]

I hope you find him.

Why doesn't he invite you along with him? That would seem strange to me lol. That is just me though, but then again I don't know the situation. If my boyfriend did this to me, he wouldn't be my boyfriend anymore lol.

[Qmass]

ErinLeigh,

Did he turn up yet? I hope everything is ok.

[AFwife]

How you doing girl? Here from him yet? Hope all is well!

[VictoriaT]

Erin
Hey sweetie.

I really hope Doug is doing ok. Did you hear from him?

I have to give you some love here-tough love. I read your journal and you are a bright, pretty, intelligent, great woman with a lot going for you.

i can tell by your journal entries that Doug doesnt behave right towards you.

YOU DID NOT DO ANYTHING WRONG HERE!!!!!!!1

He should have enough respect to call you if he wasnt gonig to come home. You are in a committed relationship and its not acceptable for him to just behave like he is a 16 year old bachelor.

That being said, I hope you take care of YOURSELF. Communicate to him about how this upsets you. You cant change someone and if he wont respect you, believe me--with kids and marriage, things only get more hectic LOL

I wish you NOTHING but the best-I hope you take this post as support, b/c that is waht I mean.

YOU are worth a good, loving, respectful man.

XOXOXO

[erinleigh]

Sorry for the late update for all that read my journal, he did come home! I was super upset! He new that.... but, I found out what happened and things have gotten to be so much better lately... can't really complain yet! Which is a nice!

Thank you all for the support! I just hope things can stay good, and if not, he's out! I have to think about myself sometimes!

[erinleigh]

I hope you find him.

Why doesn't he invite you along with him? That would seem strange to me lol. That is just me though, but then again I don't know the situation. If my boyfriend did this to me, he wouldn't be my boyfriend anymore lol.


I am use to it! I am not old enough to get into the bars! I am only 20, I still have a couple months to go before the big 21! him being 27 and able to get into clubs and bars sucks, but at the same time it gives us time apart. I rather be sober picking him up then him drunk driving home.

[cs_carver]

I just hope things can stay good, and if not, he's out! I have to think about myself sometimes!

What's the gain on this play? "Things" don't stay good on hope alone, and not if you're working on a game plan that your behavior causes his bad behavior.

Would strongly suggest reading The Gift of Fear, by Gavin de Becker, as soon as you can. Or maybe get yourself a copy to hide on the bookshelf for the next time he does something like this, so maybe you start to see there is real constructive action you can take. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life frantically calling hospitals and police stations?

Good luck. I used to date this guy's older brother. Life got WAY WAY better when I finally learned I couldn't change him. Last I heard, he was still pulling the same games, but at least it was on someone else.

[ysabella]

High-five, cs_carver, that is such an excellent book. Just in general. Really, every young woman should read it. It's a cheap paperback, easy to afford!

erinleigh, I'm glad he's okay. And I hope you stick to that "if not, he's out" declaration you made. Please stick to it!

[erinleigh]

I know I can stick to it! Thats not the problem, it would be the letting go part!

[kuukuu]

Men. Can't live with them, and you can't drop pianos on their heads either...wouldn't waste a perfectly good bullet, LOL. Hang tough Erin. There is no such thing as a good relationship that isn't hard work.