Sexuality and Weight Loss

[surrealme]

I have an issue I'd like help with please. Ladies who have lost weight, do you feel confident in your new body or does the memory of how you use to look distort your current personal body image? My husband is so happy with my body he's like a pubescent teenager and I still feel like turning the lights off before I change my clothes b/c I feel like he's scrutinizing me for imperfections...really he's being a pig. ;)
Which I guess is not a bad thing after fourteen years of marriage and two kids but he finds it frustrating that I'm just not as confident and comfortable than he thinks I should be? I'm a size 10 now down from a 22 and he likes to wave an old pair of jeans in my face just to prove his point. But I'm very odd shaped, 38,29,42 with my 'pouch' and it's that part of me in particular that I feel will never go away and permanantly 'brand' me?
I look in the mirror and count problems. Hub looks at me and drools?
Am I the only one going through this? I just can't understand why he wants me, why he doesn't see what I see? What am I waiting for? My weight is stabilized in the same 10 lbs for over a year now, maybe this is a good as I get?
Sorry for rambling.
Ugh.

[juelz4u]

Hiya. Poor self-esteem comes in any size body. I lost 27lbs and still would be scurrying for a towle if DH came in to check me out in the shower. I'm okay with my pouch(well, I can live w/him seeing it.)but my inner thighs and some cottage cheese in my bum, he will never lay eyes on. Well, unless I've been out w/my friends and had a few cocktails. ;) I know I'm not over weight, but I need to tone and still feel like he'll notice a particular flaw and I'll be shattered if he'd mention it. For some reason, I see every flaw and am ashamed of my body. Have been even when I was reallly really thin. My DH is like a teenager again too!! He drives me nuts sometimes!! :lol: I guess we should be proud of ourselves, and be thankful that we have supportive DH's!!?? Easier said than done, but I read your post, and I could of wrote it myself!!
BTW, I think You are a beautiful sexy lady and by GOD turn the lights on!! lol
Happy Weekend!!
Juli

[IvannaBFit]

Sometimes I feel that way about myself, but mostly about my attitude, not my appearance. I sometimes feel I am not a very good/fun/caring woman and how on earth could my husband ever want me?

So I guess it's similar, just not about looks. So I understand.

[Mandra]

I'm single, but have similar issues. I can't believe that any guy would be the least bit interested in me. And honestly, since I gained serious weight the only guys I've gotten any interest from are those who are decidedly "creepy". Actually, even when I was normal weight I seemed to attract some "weirdos". (sigh) I must be a magnet for them.

[atiaran]

What scares me most in terms of sexuality is how my body will look. WIth all my extra fat, things are rounded and filled out. When it's gone, I am afraid of it just being saggy even though I have been exercising to help tone up as I lose. DH is attracted to me now and I think I am scared any big weight loss will change that. So much for losing weight be a simple physical process!!

[Enomarb]

Hi Surreal-
how about looking in the mirror and counting the positives, not the problems? There is no way, IMHO, that focusing on negatives will make you feel better. I have my "pouch" too- but it is lot beter than the filled belly was- LOL!! I love that my body is strong, and all the parts work, and that DH loves it too.

[surrealme]

Thanks for the responses ladies, and Juli you are too cute!

me.

[Mousesmom]

I have a SO with a drooling problem too although I really don't get why.... I finally had to get used to the idea that what I see is not what he sees and the two images are never going to be the same.

Look for positives - if he wants you it's a good thing!!!! If he drools, give him a towel and get busy. Sex burns calories.

Julie

[Rocks]

I had self image problems also, and I think a great deal of it is caused by TV, Movies, and magazines.
One day, however, when having a very long talk with myself, I said, "Wait a sec.....HE isn't perfect and I think he's hot, I even LIKE some of the imperfections, because that makes him who he is! Do you think that just maybe, possibly, HE feels the same way about you?" It was then that I realized how little credit I was giving my fella. He wasn't crazy to be attracted to me, he simply loved me and everything that goes with it. JUST LIKE I felt about him!! :) They really aren't so different, ya know?

[carabajalk]

Hi there I have the same problem I think the same thing about the guy im with. I often think "like how can he want me?", "Is there something wrong with him in the head?" and the funny thing is its not him thats wrong in the head its me, im working on that and im starting to feel more confident in myself and so its getting better. :rheart:

[Meg_S]

:) My husband said something funny a while ago that sort of goes along the lines of this thread.
I'm very confident in my sexy abilities - ie: love to dress up, play up the mood.. put a lot of effort into things have the music, the atmosphere.. strip etc. because I've put effort into learning HOW to do these things and they're fun and fulfilling for me. I started off doing them having NO plans to ever let my husband see any of it, it was just to make me feel good. It's like self image maintenance bodywork. I'm much less confident in my actual looks however; flab, sag, stretchmarks, moles etc. DH told me that those thing don't detract at all from his attraction to me or the mood, they just remind him that it's real and actually happening. Like, things will be happening and he won't be able to believe (his words) how amazing I am - and then he'll see the stretch marks and it will remind him that I have a real body - this isn't fake or a fantasy and omg I am with HIM and that can make it even better. IMO it's about how you act much moreso than how you look. If you act in a way that amazes and arouses your SO - he can't believe how sexy and confident and "hot" you're being, your body doesn't have nearly as much to do with it as if you were merely a pose in a magazine, a static image to scrutinize and look for flaws. You, in motion is very much a distraction and men don't have time to look for your flaws, they're too busy enjoying your sensuality. For me the right lingerie helps me feel more confident. I only wear stuff that suits my particular body type and flaws.

Some good things to make you feel really really sexy?
The S factor DVD and book by Sheila Kelly
Bellydance - it is so womanly and sensual, it can make you feel beautiful no matter what you look like, you can choose to feel sexy or to incoperate a more sexual nature to it or not.

It's important to be in tune with your body on a physical level and hard to feel completely sexy and sensual if you're not.

[foxgluvs]

I have the same self image problems, I had a friends husband sidle up to me the other day and tell me how beautiful I was and how he thought I was the perfect shape, I merely laughed him from here to kingdom come, but he was serious. Of course it was flattering....but also a little disconserting....I mean, he obviously saw something other than the outward person I see when I look in the mirror every day of the week...and that worried me. I still see the 300lb + woman that I started out as, and yeah, in pictures I can see a change, but the fact is, I will always have some body issues, I have been overweight for 10 years, so I guess sometimes it's just hard to shake those feelings of insecurity off.

[mammac-5]

Yep. Our stats are similar so I can really understand where you are. I'm a size 10, down from very snug 18's. My husband thinks I'm hotter than ever (although he used to say I was hot even at 214 lbs) and I just don't SEE IT! I mean, I really don't see it at all. Not naked. Not dressed. Not any time at all.

Yes, I know I can reach for a smaller size when I try on clothes at the stores, but I don't FEEL any different and I don't LOOK any different to myself. ARGHHH!!!

I still want to have the lights off for sex. Does it get better with time? I don't know...

[uskhi]

Not sure if this follows the thread but it's something I heard once which made me feel better even at my fattest:-

Don't worry about how your body compares to anyone else's, if you are the only naked woman in the bedroom your partner isn't going to be thinking about any one else.

It seems to be true, men (or maybe this is a vast generalisation and it's only my man) are much more concerned with what they can have now rather than wishing for something better.

[kuukuu]

Losing weight has been an aphrodisiac for me as well. I even bought some new underthings, went exploring at Victoria's secret and Priscilla's, and am generally taking better care of my appearance now that I seem to have an appearance to make. I always wanted to look high maintenance, LOL!!!

[Meg_S]

Don't worry about how your body compares to anyone else's, if you are the only naked woman in the bedroom your partner isn't going to be thinking about any one else.

It seems to be true, men (or maybe this is a vast generalisation and it's only my man) are much more concerned with what they can have now rather than wishing for something better.

no, my husband told me this too! We were talking about a friend of mine who has never had sex because she is afraid that when a guy sees her naked he will be disappointed/repulsed because she doesn't look like a pic in a magazine. In reality she's gorgeous, not in the least bit overweight and has a great curvy figure. (she just doesn't look airbrushed) DH said the guy is just going to be happy that a woman is naked with him and appreciate/ be turned on by her particular body, not be worrying about the flaws.

[camaromom]

I have similar issues as well. My belly looks all wrinkly like an elephants butt. Anyhow, DH told me yesterday that since I've been working out, um, how to put this without getting me thrown off the board, that I'm certainly not dead in bed. He seems to think this is much more exciting.

[puddypark]

....Ladies who have lost weight, do you feel confident in your new body or does the memory of how you use to look distort your current personal body image?...... I'm a size 10 now down from a 22......
I look in the mirror and count problems. ...
Am I the only one going through this? .....maybe this is a good as I get?....
I feel the same!!! I also went from a 22 down to a 10. Yet I still feel like I did at 245! I look in the mirror and still see it too! I have started exercising like crazy to try to tighten up the "problem" areas tho is that really going to help? My husband and family think that I look great--too bad I feel like a tub o'lard and am trying to lose more--tho I have been stalled for over a month--grr!! I even changed my goal from 150 to 135 --maybe I will feel better about myself then?
This is something I never thought I would be dealing with--I have always been overweight so getting into a 10 is kind of a miracle for me and I just thought that I would feel so great but .........

[sxy29]

I have an issue I'd like help with please. Ladies who have lost weight, do you feel confident in your new body or does the memory of how you use to look distort your current personal body image? My husband is so happy with my body he's like a pubescent teenager and I still feel like turning the lights off before I change my clothes b/c I feel like he's scrutinizing me for imperfections...really he's being a pig. ;)
Which I guess is not a bad thing after fourteen years of marriage and two kids but he finds it frustrating that I'm just not as confident and comfortable than he thinks I should be? I'm a size 10 now down from a 22 and he likes to wave an old pair of jeans in my face just to prove his point. But I'm very odd shaped, 38,29,42 with my 'pouch' and it's that part of me in particular that I feel will never go away and permanantly 'brand' me?
I look in the mirror and count problems. Hub looks at me and drools?
Am I the only one going through this? I just can't understand why he wants me, why he doesn't see what I see? What am I waiting for? My weight is stabilized in the same 10 lbs for over a year now, maybe this is a good as I get?
Sorry for rambling.
Ugh.

Sorry to those who have heard this from me over and over again, but this is what my opinion is. About 2 years ago I weighed 117, a bit too small for my height and med. frame. since then I have gained about 15 pounds. Many things changed in my life. My 7 yr. relationship ended (i was so stressed in it that it was making me drop weight), I quit smoking, and overall I just became a happier person.

Although I am trying to drop 5-10 pounds, I have never felt better than I have to this day. I am ok with NEVER dropping the 5-10 pounds, because I know I am healthy and happy. I would like to drop it just to fit into some of my old clothes, but I will survive if I don't.

At 117, believe it or not I felt fat!!! I still have my with binging and overeating and I am currently trying to tackle this problem, but my self-esteem is through the roof and I am pleased with the inner healing I have accomplished. From the age of 11-20 I was a bulemic (this is a whole other post), so believe me when I say I have come very far and should feel proud!!

So yes, it is possible, if you aren't ok with the inside that no matter what the outside shows you will never be content. Work on the inside out. In my experience if you are ok with what's inside then everythialng will fall into place thereafter. I tell myself this everyday:)

[3shewolf8]

I have had to adjust to a bad experience with my weight loss and sexuality. My husband is very overweight, and is very threatened by my weight loss. He is very, very self conscious being with me now, and it has put an extreme cramp in our sex life. He won't discuss it with our doctor, it makes me feel bad, I have discussed this with him questioning my ability to make him "interested" and he just says that it is not me, it is all him. I don't want to pressure him, but going from 2 or 3 times a week to 1 a month is really putting the pressure on me!!

[tazmycat]

light some candle, or plug in a night light.

This will give alittle light and make his happy. After you see how he reacts. It will boost your confindance and then you can add alittle more.

[ArmyWife05]

I find that when I am thinner I do feel like I have a lot more confidence with my body and feel more confident sexually but no matter what I am still always modest. I still like sex with the lights off. I think that no matter how good I look or how thin I get I will always have some level of uncomfort with my body because of a negative body image growing up. I don't feel like that ever goes away.

[TariLuinwe]

I like sex with the lights off. It is because I have a block and will "leave" with the lights on. The body still functions, but the brain is gone exploring some peaceful meadow or forest. I have done this for years. It has only been with Hubby that I can even have a candle lit, and it has to be a very soft light or I just "freeze". He understands, but would like to see me get out of my fear a little more. I'm sure that as I am actually seeing the weight loss, I will have that "boost" to make the next step.

For years I could not have sex and remember it because I would "leave". I didn't have my first orgasm that I could remember until I was 28 (and had been married and had a child) and had to call a girlfriend to ask her what was going on! (Hubby is very proud that he was the one I was with when it happened...male pride, I suppose :lol: ) However, as long as the lights are off, kidlets are asleep, and there's no chance of anyone seeing us, I can climax every time (see, I have my little workarounds still. They drive me crazier than they do Hubby). There has been a lot of growth in this area and I can actually admit now that I am a sexual creature and not feel ashamed of it, however, I don't find myself attractive in this body. Which is part of the reason why I'm taking steps to correct it.

I do agree whole heartedly with sxy29 in her comments about it has to come from the inside. I believe that after many years of cleaning up inside, it's finally time to clean up the outside. In my "housecleaning" I have discovered that I am a perfectionist and in knowing that, I will most likely see the small things that only I would notice. As long as I'm willing to stay the course, I will get to the destination.

[kywoman2]

Well on the down side of this subject. I have been the Queen of poor self image. I have never refused my husband his pleasure, which is mine too..but he has definitely lost interest. Maybe I have too much baggage, dont know. I have found that he has become so obbsessive with the computer fanticising about women wearing latex(which certainly wouldnt be me) and pantyhose covered women, that this hurts me very much. I really dont know what to do. He just tells me he has ED and that is why sex is history with us....I personally think it is because of me and my huge body!

[chelles]

Well on the down side of this subject. I have been the Queen of poor self image. I have never refused my husband his pleasure, which is mine too..but he has definitely lost interest. Maybe I have too much baggage, dont know. I have found that he has become so obbsessive with the computer fanticising about women wearing latex(which certainly wouldnt be me) and pantyhose covered women, that this hurts me very much. I really dont know what to do. He just tells me he has ED and that is why sex is history with us....I personally think it is because of me and my huge body!

Is this latex/pantyhose thing something new or something he's just now telling you about? Are you willing at all to try something small for him?

Nobody can explain why/how something as simple as pantyhose can turn someone on, but I think that a spouse can try something small if it will make the other person happy.

If you're interested, www.hipsandcurves.com has panty hose that men seem to love.

I don't date at all because I am disgusted by my own body, by the way. I think men seem to pick up on that and stop at the flirting stage with me.

[kywoman2]

I have known about it for years, I have complied and worn them for him, hateing it all the time and feeling demeaned. I am sure he knows my feelings, but now it is like he is totally obsessed with it...Not with me, but with the thin things on his favorite websites. It really makes me feel worthless!

[alisbabe]

I just wanted to say a few things. Though I dunno if it'll help.

Firstly, I remember reading a few articles way back about how guys like "imperfect" women. They like the stretch marks, the wobbly bits. I hear tell that it makes it better cause they know it's real, not some dream. But then other guys just like it anyway.

Well, anyway. For a living I help old men and women get ready and get into bed. So I've seen a hell of a lot of naked flesh, particularly of the wrinkly, wobbly, saggy kind. Whilst I wouldn't say it's sexy and turns me on, I've come to realise that they're all beautiful. And I mean this in a totally asthetic sense. I dunno if I'm explaining myself. I mean they compare favourably to Michaelangelo's David, in terms of their beauty.

Oh crap, I'm sure I'm not making sense, but I know what I mean.

[alisbabe]

Well on the down side of this subject. I have been the Queen of poor self image. I have never refused my husband his pleasure, which is mine too..but he has definitely lost interest. Maybe I have too much baggage, dont know. I have found that he has become so obbsessive with the computer fanticising about women wearing latex(which certainly wouldnt be me) and pantyhose covered women, that this hurts me very much. I really dont know what to do. He just tells me he has ED and that is why sex is history with us....I personally think it is because of me and my huge body!

Well ED (erectile dysfunction) would be a big problem for both your sex lives. It might me that you turn him off, but then it might be of physical origin (certain drugs and illnesses cause it - for example my sex life is non-existant cause husband to be is taking drugs that cause it, thankfully though, he's lovely otherwise and he won't be on them for ever). Also if you're very defensive, it might be anxiety on his part.

Could you try the pantyhose? I had a boyfriend that was really into it, so I know it can have a big effect on some guys. But then I'm just as wierd as that - I have a thing about men's armpit :lol:

[Vgal]

Hi,

I've lost 60 pounds over the course of the last few years, my most recent loss has also been toning and firming. I can relate to the OP in that you'll never see yourself as the fantasy of what you want your body to look like.

I've had a crush on a guy for years who only a few months ago expressed an interest. My immediate response was "Ugh. How could you?" My secondary response was I'm not ready yet. Needless to say, I haven't encouraged him making a move because I don't feel like my body is good enough. Only 20 more lbs. to go, but how long am I supposed to wait? And do I really think he will?

NO.

Maybe once you reach your target goal weight, you'll finally feel better. I know that extra 20 lbs., lipo and implants will finally allow me to keep the lights on ;)

Good luck!

[Tamiko]

I don't feel very sexy when I'm fat. But when my hubby is looking for sex he's not worried about whether I'm feeling sexual or not! Even when I'm in the 130
lb range I've still got the "3 babies pouch"! I have lost as little as 10 lbs and he has said he notices a difference in bed. Sometimes I'm not sure I like hearing that. I mean what was he thinking before!? Anyway if he likes the way things are going, why should I doubt it?
I have a way to go before I feel good about my body, but knowing that he feels good about it keeps me on the program. I know losing weight is suppose to ultimately be about yourself, but I like knowing that my husband is proud of the way I look. It might be "old-fashioned" to say that out-loud, but I think most women still feel that way. Tamiko

[Vgal]

Firstly, I remember reading a few articles way back about how guys like "imperfect" women. They like the stretch marks, the wobbly bits. I hear tell that it makes it better cause they know it's real, not some dream. But then other guys just like it anyway.


Does anyone else think that in general those are the kinds of men who are just grateful to have a woman in their bed, period? I always felt/feel that any man who would be interested in me at my heavy/ier weight was more than likely just desperate. What do you think? I mean, does anyone else share those feelings?

Stretch marks are the bane of my existence! No matter how thin I get I'll have those, and it depresses me to no end :(

[TariLuinwe]

I used to think that until I met hubby. It has taken 8 years, but I am finally secure in knowing my hubby loves me for who I am inside and out. He fell in love with my personality as well as my body (in that order). He actually prefers fleshy women because then he doesn't feel they are going to break (He is a really tall man) and the stretch marks are a symbol to him of womanhood (we have had three children together) and he does not find them unattractive at all. I do believe that there are men out there that are vain and shallow...will only go out with women that make them look good, but I am very lucky that mine isn't like that. And, now that the weight is coming off, my physical beauty is coming out. My personality is returning to its natural bubbliness and hubby says I'm glowing (no not pregnant :lol: ).

Maybe it's because hubby used to be a chunky boy and even into early adulthood he was bigger than what his frame can carry. He has stretchmarks of his own and is embarrassed by them because he remembers what it was like to be a big kid. He also grew so fast in puberty that his skin stretched so much and didn't have time to adjust. But, because of this, he is much more understanding of things than I think the average man.

Tari

[Vgal]

Tari,

You're a lucky woman. Good luck on your weight loss progress!

Unfortunately, there are far too many shallow men out there. The only ones who aren't are the ones who can't afford to be. :(

[alisbabe]

Does anyone else think that in general those are the kinds of men who are just grateful to have a woman in their bed, period? I always felt/feel that any man who would be interested in me at my heavy/ier weight was more than likely just desperate. What do you think? I mean, does anyone else share those feelings?

Stretch marks are the bane of my existence! No matter how thin I get I'll have those, and it depresses me to no end :(

Well, I can't quote for all guys, but despite my size I've had all sorts of guys, even dated skinny muscly ones. I guess I'm quite forward lol. But anyway I wanted to tell you about my fiance. This is from a blokely girl's perspective.

When I first met him I thought yuck, but we spent the day together and just totally clicked. I could have jumped him at the end of it, seriously! And the thing is, he was really ashamed of his body (he's more than a little bit fat) but I quite liked it. He's like a budda :agree: but somehow still sexy. And remember I'd been out with much better looking guys and I really wasn't after a relationship at the time - I'd just split with my husband and wanted to sow wild oats.

So I can understand that guys aren't all after pamela anderson or kate moss, because that's what I'm like too (and people say I'm too blokey for a girl). And I wasn't desperate.

Seriously though, is your beau a stud muffin hunk? Is he seriously tasty, muscly, lean, umblemished? No? Well, by your reasoning, that means you were obviously so desperate for a guy you settled for what you think is second best. That's not very fair on him is it?

[Vgal]

Ali,

When you say you're a blokey girl do you mean a "guy's girl"? I am very much the same way. Much more a bloke than a lass.

I live in Los Angeles, where if you don't look like a supermodel or actress wannabe, you're not going to attract many men - at least not very good looking ones. If you're unattractive and/or overweight you get the bottom of the barrel. I don't mean to sound cruel or unkind, but that's life in LA. Yes, we are superificial :(

What's man who's ashamed of his body. I've never met one, except my brother and even he's never been short of potential dates. Its amazing, a man has stretchmarks - its like a badge of honour, for us its hideousness, hide in the closet!

I don't have a beau, per se - but the man I'm interested in is exactly what I like in man physically (he is long, lean, rather skinny but taut) but he's got other qualities that attract me as well of course. In general, I like men who are out of my league looks wise and they'd seldom give a chubby girl like me the time of day, imagine my surprise when this man returned my interest? I'm used to being the "buddy", the blokesy gal who chats with them about sports and politics and life in general and they can feel comfortable with. Its never romantic.

P.S. Found this from a survey conducted by Harlequin:
Just how important are looks for that first encounter? A majority of men say beauty is more important than intelligence, while women tend to seek someone with a great sense of humor. :q:

[TariLuinwe]

A majority of men say beauty is more important than intelligence, while women tend to seek someone with a great sense of humor. :q:

This is correct. It sounds shallow, but it is actually instinctual. Men are stimulated through the eyes. Women are stimulated in the brain.

Now, does that mean that it's excusable? No. It does mean that we have the capacity to add to our instinctual responses and look beyond the superficial. I know many men that act like they are attracted only to the superficial, but if the relationship is to last, then there has to be some connection with the emotional as well.

And, women...we are the worst of the bunch when it comes to superficiality. We don't compete with the men....we walk in a room and the first thing we notice is the other women...the competition. And, women fight mean! We fight with mind games, words, and backstabbing tendencies. Not all women are like this, just like not all men are superficial. But, the base reactions for both sexes is instinctual. "Survival of the Fittest"...."Only the strongest survive"...things like that we don't even realize until we watch our own behavior.

I have found a wonderful man. He is not the most handsome man around, in my eyes, but there have been loads of women that do find him attractive physically. He has his flaws, just like any other person on this planet. The difference between this man and any of the others I have dated is that this man has been around for the long run, is highly intelligent, willing to do an honest day's work, and puts up with my personality. The biggest thing of all is that he makes me laugh! He is a walking cartoon and can turn on the characters at the drop of a hat. He believes that I am the cat's meow and tells me often (and since I'm a Leo...that's always good :lol: ). In my mind, he is the sexiest, most honest, and hardworking husband/father/man I have ever met and he is half of my world while my children are my other half. I'm not lucky...I'm just picky!

[JaneDough]

Tari,

You're a lucky woman. Good luck on your weight loss progress!

Unfortunately, there are far too many shallow men out there. The only ones who aren't are the ones who can't afford to be. :(

Naw, not quite.

I was fortunate enough to have one of the most popular and handsome men I've ever even seen, fall for me. I couldn't fathom it, because all the girls wanted him and all the guys wanted to be him. He could have anyone, so why did he even look at me, much less want a relationship? It took a long time to admit to myself that his attraction to an unworthy fat girl could be genuine. The only time he ever even mentioned it was in response to something I said, to which he replied "The weight never bothered me." And he meant it. I still struggle with self-esteem, but this man did more for my self-acceptance than I've ever accomplished on my own.

My point being that there are a fair number of men who might look past the weight if you give them a chance, just as a woman who loves a thick head of hair might date a bald man. Not every imperfection has to be a dealbreaker, especially if you're a decent human being. :)

[Vgal]

Naw, not quite.

I was fortunate enough to have one of the most popular and handsome men I've ever even seen, fall for me. I couldn't fathom it, because all the girls wanted him and all the guys wanted to be him. He could have anyone, so why did he even look at me, much less want a relationship? It took a long time to admit to myself that his attraction to an unworthy fat girl could be genuine. The only time he ever even mentioned it was in response to something I said, to which he replied "The weight never bothered me." And he meant it. I still struggle with self-esteem, but this man did more for my self-acceptance than I've ever accomplished on my own.

My point being that there are a fair number of men who might look past the weight if you give them a chance, just as a woman who loves a thick head of hair might date a bald man. Not every imperfection has to be a dealbreaker, especially if you're a decent human being. :)

Tari, You made a wonderful point and your post is inspiring. Thank you. I feel as if sometimes I'll never make that connection, but I suppose that is also MY problem and I can't blame someone else for it too.

Jane Dough, I feel like I am in your situation now, however since the guy I'm interested in also flirts with every pretty girl who walks by, I don't know how serious to take his "interest". Once again, I am the girl who questions his intentions, etc. since he could and has had very pretty/skinny girls and wonder what he would want with me? I think my hesitation is what kills our connection. I don't feel very girly compared to these other girls. In regards to the original intention of this post, my sexuality is at nil right now. Even with the weight loss, I don't feel remotely sexy or sexual. I'm sure this contributes to my lack of making a connection with an attractive man. Men can sense this like dogs smell fear.