my plump 8 yr old

[ojoj]

Ok, so it seems if we make food an issue in formative years, we may cause problems for our kids in later life.

So what do I do with my 8 yr old daughter?? She's not hugely fat at the moment, but she is overweight - plump!! She doesnt get teased at school, but she does get comments and I cringe sometimes when she wants to wear the latest fashions, ie bareing he tummy with a short top and hipster jeans.

I have kinda put her on Atkins with fruit and yogurts without making too much fuss. But she is constantly asking for food, constantly saying she's hungry and telling me she's gonna die from hunger when I say no to her demands. She would be huge by now if I said yes everytime she wanted to eat

We dont really have bad carbs (cakes, biscuits, crisps) in the house anymore, although daddy has an annoying habit of buying sweets, chocolate and going to macdonalds with the kids when I'm at work - he says she's only a kid and will slim down when she gets older( why does he think that will happen??).

My point is, how do I stop her eating so much without giving her food issues? she doesnt like exercise much and when she does have an active day she wants to eat even more??

[nets33]

At eight years old your daughter could be getting ready for another growth spurt and needs that food to help get her body ready.

Have you talked with a Dr. about your concerns? A Dr would best be able to address your concerns and determine if your daughter is truly overweight.

IMHO the worst thing you can do is start your daughter on a series of dieting and fears of her body image. It doesn't sound like you've expressed your concerns about her weight directly to her - I would avoid doing this. It can only cause your daughter to develop a poor body image, which can cause probelms for her as she gets older.

If she is eating healthy (meat, fruits and veggies) with limited sweets then she is leaps and bounds in front of most kids these days.

I have kinda put her on Atkins with fruit and yogurts without making too much fuss. But she is constantly asking for food, constantly saying she's hungry and telling me she's gonna die from hunger when I say no to her demands. She would be huge by now if I said yes everytime she wanted to eat Maybe she is hungry. What type of foods is she asking for? Is she eating sugary foods which could be causing cravings? Sometimes kids will want food to eat because they are bored. Is your daugther involved in any activities? Sports? Starting kids on an exercise routine while they are young is a great idea. You said she doesn't like exercise... what about dance class? Walking? Bike rides? Swimming? Tennis? Jumping rope? There has to be some type of exercise that she would enjoy.

Again, I think that a Pediatrician would be the best resource to answer all your concerns.

Hope you find some answers! :)
kiks

[misskimbee]

I'd say in part your hubby might be right, that she's going to grow into her weight soon enough. I would just encourage her to be active and get lots of exercise. Sounds like you are on the right track as far as keeping sugary crappy food away from her.

[MsCarrieM]

Why not be active with her? Is there a mother/daughter swim class in your area? Or a mother/daughter hiking group? Something else I have found (because I have a son) is the father/daughter or father/son activity groups are another thing to try!

How tall is she? and how much overweight?

[IvannaBFit]

I was similar when I was nine . . . plump, not "fat."

It was comments by a well-meaning but unthinking family member that created my diet spiral that I still struggle with today, at 25 years old.

Please do NOT put her on a "diet."

[sfdebchat]

I also was plump at that age. I know I have read somewhere that being overweight as a child predisposes one to be overweight as an adult. The sooner you redirect your childs eating habits, the better. A child can continue to be overweight during and after growth spurts. I know I was and I really wish someone in authority would have changed things in my household. I would have had a much happier childhood.

I agree with others in this thread, do not put her on a diet. If you, as a family, make good food choices and encourage and participate in exercise, then the problem should resolve without her becoming over anxious about food issues. Make it a point that the whole family is dedicated to making good food choices, not just her.

I think it is especially important to get your husband on board in this matter. It is not a problem to partake of fast food and sugary treats once in a while, but if he is doing it often, he is setting up the family and your daughter with bad food choices. Also it is bad for one parent to be indulging the kids all the time while the other is trying to make healthy changes. Inconsistancy does children no good, causes confusion and sometimes leads to the child manipulating the parent that will give them what they want.

I would recommend that you and your husband see a pediatric nutritionist together so that you both are completely united in teaching your child about good health choices.

Sorry to be so long-winded, but as I was an overweight child and suffered so much with low self esteeme because of it, I hope that you can find the answers to this problem so that your daughter does not have to suffer her childhood as I did.

deb

[foxgluvs]

I think it could just be puppy fat, and your daughter could very well grow out of it. That's what your DH means I think. BUT I would be very wary of putting her on any kind of eating plan at 8 yrs old. You can do her a favour by cutting down the sweets and fizzy drinks or candy and chips. Subtly cut back on these things, an then it won't be a shock. I know from experince that if you stop those things completely she will rebel and manage to get them otherplaces like school anyway, and that would be worse.

Gently and subtly turn her food around.

I know this question was asked purely out of love from your daughter.....I do understand that it could be very worrying to see your little one getting larger.....but deal with it in the right way and she won't grow up hating food, or using it as a crutch.

Good luck hon!

[ojoj]

Thanks for all your words of wisdom!

I think my first step is to stop my OH from doing the fast food treats.

Its a very difficult one, cos what I didnt say was that I also have a 10 yr old son who hates eating and is very skinny - so its a balancing act of encouraging him to eat and encouraging my daughter not to!

I have found that giving her protein for breakfast (NOT CEREALS) does keep her full for longer, so thats worth persuing!

I dont want her to have food issues when she grows up, but I dont want her to become a fat adult either. While I still have control over her eating I feel I should be doing something.

The whole thing is like walking on a "high wire"

Jo

[JustAGirl]

IMO the worst thing is to make an issue of it. she WILL outgrow it if you continue to praise her and help her self confidence.

[AntiM]

In 2 years here, I've written my story many times, trying to stop people from making the same huge mistakes my well-meaning and misguided parents made. I hope I have touched some hearts and minds along the way, because those formative years do set the dye for the rest of your life.

The gist of it is that I was an overweight child on a diet before I was 5 years old. I grew up experiencing deprivation, shaming, gnawing hunger and the knowledge that not only was I different among kids, but at home, too. My younger brother received treats and second helpings, my food was weighed and portioned out. None of it was junk food and I was a fairly active kid. Still, I kept gaining weight despite the low calorie diets (and eventually amphetamines); as soon as I possibly could, I started hoarding food and sneak eating at night.

It was the combo that led me to graduate high school weighing 300 pounds. I am not saying your plump girl will end up very overweight if you put her on a diet now ... but if you do, the chances are higher that she will end up with a true weight problem and/or an eating disorder.

This is my prescription for healthy body and mind: :)

* Tell her she's beautiful and capable - often! If she's hearing comments about her weight, it won't be long until sizist propaganda (ugly, stupid, smelly) starts poisoning her self-esteem.

* Do find out if there is something medical going on, but present the visit like a typical check up. If you have questions for the doctor, either present them before the visit or when your daughter is out of the room. The reasoning here is that she shouldn't feel like there is something wrong with her - unless there truly is, you know? Being plump is not a true health issue at this age between growth spurts, low thyroid function is.

* Let her wear whatever styles you'd allow her to wear if she was thinner. My Mom thought I looked better without my shirts tucked in ... I'm sure she was right, but all the other kids had their tops tucked in and it just made me that much more different. Don't let her being plump also make her unfashionable.

* Make sure 98% of her food is highly nutritious and let her eat until she's satisfied. Hunger will destroy every good dietary intention you help make.

* Get together with your husband and devise a plan about treats so she's not getting mixed messages from her parents.

* Help her find an activity that she enjoys - everyone likes something! It's more important to help her build healthy bones and muscles than weigh a certain number of pounds.

{{Finally, the best of luck to you and your daughter.}}

[potatofree]

I'm with Monika. If she's offered a variety of healthy foods, it should be fine to let her appetite guide her.

My son has been on both ends of the spectrum, weight-wise. When he was young, he was underweight and nothing I did seemed to help. I finally found a few tricks to try and get weight on him, like sneaking Pediasure to him between meals, but letting him GET hungry instead of constantly trying to cajole him into eating seemed to work best.

After he went on seizure meds, he developed a tremendous appetite, so I have to be careful to keep his weight in line. I've found that just adding a protein food to whatever his meals and snacks are seems to regulate his cravings quite a bit. Peanut butter on his whole wheat toast and sf jelly at breakfast, meat and raw veggies with dip or a tuna salad sandwich with fruit, a wrap sandwich with meat, cheese, lettuce and tomato on a lc whole wheat wrap... they keep him full for quite a while. He CAN have fast food or a sugary treat... just not every day. ;) I find the less I harp on it and the more casual I am, AND the fact he eats the same food as everyone else seem to be the right combo for him.

If you think she's eating out of boredom, have her get a drink of water or sugarfree "something" and play a quick game with her or something. If she STILL say's "I'm hungry" chances are she really IS. :D

[potatofree]

BTW.. both of my kids follow pretty much the same pattern of growth. They seem to hit the "Eat and sleep" stage right before they shoot up an inch or two in height. they kind of widen out, then shoot up, widen out, then shoot UP again... :lol:

[ojoj]

thanks again for all your wise comments and advise, I'm taking everything on board.

I do praise her and tell her she's beautiful and she is actually a lovely, sunny little girl with a very strong personality - can argue black is white and win and of course I love her to bits. We're a large, happy and close family.

She really doesnt give a damn about her weight at the mo, she's more interested in "Barbie" the latest pop music and Britney Spears"... and eating!!

We'll get there, but it is a bit of a no win situation, I dont want her to grow up and feel as some of you do about how you were put on diets and given issues etc,, But, niether do I want her to grow up enormous and blaming me for not doing anything about it.

OH is gonna have to stop the trips to macdonalds and junk foods though.

Jo

[MsCarrieM]

Why not be active with her? Is there a mother/daughter swim class in your area? Or a mother/daughter hiking group? Something else I have found (because I have a son) is the father/daughter or father/son activity groups are another thing to try!

How tall is she? and how much overweight?

I asked you these things a couple days ago. You still haven't said anything about activity! Why are you focusing on food alone?

[ojoj]

I asked you these things a couple days ago. You still haven't said anything about activity! Why are you focusing on food alone?

Sorry! Activity, well what can I say, she goes out on her bike and runs about in the garden as most kids do, she plays on the trampoline in the garden and we go for walks with the dogs, but she doesnt really enjoy any of it for long, even when I go out and play, she'd sooner sit down on the grass and make daisy chains

She does line dancing and outdoor games after school once a week, but refused the gym classes and gave up on tap dancing after the first week cos it was boring

Because I work alot in the evenings and weekends (out of hours emergency doctors service) we dont do any organised activities together. I'm not a great one for organised clubs and things.

Of course her greatest pleasure comes from the TV/playstation2 etc, but I limit those to a couple of hours a day, unless its raining

After any physical exercise she'll be ravenous. Boredom also plays a part in her eating.

Jo

[MsCarrieM]

I didn't realize you worked those kind of hours. Sorry.

I guess my advice would be a sit down talk with dad about the treats. Maybe he could get active in a father/kids thing?

Also, take time to talk to your dd (I'm not saying you aren't). With my ds he started claiming he was hungry to spend time with me. (Remember when they were tiny and alot of your time talking to them was when they were eating?) Now that I realized that, we take time every day to just sit and talk. It has really helped!

[ojoj]

Now the summers here and we have lighter evenings I've decided to do more going out and walking. they come home from school at 3.30pm and even on the evenings I work, I dont start til 6.30pm.

Actually your post has made me think that the things our kids like and dislike is inherited. I've never liked physical exercise as such and my kids arent crazy about it either. But yes, we could get out and about more in the summer months.

Jo

[OzarkMama]

I also have an 8 year old who is 'getting chubby'. My parents are completely freaked out about it. Her butt is just between the size 14 (needs 14 1/2) or the teen/women size 3-5/small. Others insist that it is just babyfat and I shouldn't stress. But she has developed this, not brought it with her from babyhood. Her tummy is substantial, she has extra around the chin if she looks down, and her thighs and butt have enough chub to have some actual minor cellulite on the back of her legs. I'm very concerned about it.

I put her in soccor which is in season late summer and early spring. I put her in basketball which is in season in fall. I've put her in daily swimming lessons which are in season now. I bought her a big trampoline. I take her to the park with friends, or to the rollerskating rink, whenever I can. I work a lot, and I'm incredibly overweight myself, which makes it difficult for me to do much with her that is activity oriented. I try to arrange what I can afford that will get her exercise.

However, I have worked incredibly hard to NOT be concerned around HER. The last damn thing I want is for her to get a complex about it. I've been telling her how beautiful and brilliant she was daily since she was born, and she actually has a very healthy self esteem, is courageous and funny and all around a wonderful kid. As for the bigger sizes, well, she is delighted to be able to shop in the 'adults' section, which has clothes she likes better.

Her grandmother (my stepmother), whenever she sees her, goes ON about how fat she is getting. I can't seem to get her to stop. So, I don't have Ry see her grandparents much anymore because I don't think screwing up her psychology at the tender age of 8 is worth it.

But, she can't avoid noticing that her tummy and her butt/thighs are big. And sometimes a kid at school will say something. She has asked me several times, "Am I fat?" And I say -- and I think this is the truth -- "Well honey, there are lean people, and then there are fat people, and then there are people in the middle. I'd say you're in the middle. I'd like us to focus on getting you healthy food and exercise this summer, so you can get a little leaner, 'cause then when you go back to school you'll fit in clothes better, and running in soccor will be easier." She seems ok with that.

But, I have this same issue with food. She wants to eat all the freakin time. I tell her, food is not an entertainment activity. You cannot eat nearly every hour of the day. She eats such an unbelievable amount I don't know WHERE she puts it all (well, apparently, between the waist and knees!). She doesn't want to eat healthy food, of course. She doesn't LIKE oatmeal, peanut butter, and other things I wish I could get her to eat. I make her choose fruit she likes to have at home as a snack, and she'll let it rot, she won't ever 'feel like' eating it. Meanwhile of course she wants to live on ice cream and cheese or junk, to the point where if anything is even in the house like this, I need to suffer having arguments about it with her every 30 minutes about why she is starving but cannot eat the (check one of 9 food options), but must have junk, except that mommy, O Mean And Cruel One, says no.

I blame myself for her weight. I worked so much the last few years that our dominant meal was McDonald's, which ironically, is right across the street from our house. And other fast food. I have now cut out fast food pretty much entirely from our diet. And I've started working fewer hours (still too many), and arranging a dinner heavy on protein. And I arrange to have meats and cheeses so she can make herself a sandwich if she wants, and to have eggs so she can scramble eggs if she wants, and string cheese, etc. (We've worked on cooking for two years now. I cooked for my mother, who was ill, when I was 7-8, and a child that age is more than capable of doing it without injury--if they are the type that can pay attention and remember well). Although fruit is sugary I never regulate that -- I allow her any fruit, any amount she wants, but she seldom eats more than a little.

The part that bothers me isn't really her weight which I think with good eating habits enforced by me, exercise arranged by me when needed, that it will gradually melt away. What bothers me is that it's pretty apparent to me that she is a sugar/carb addict. I don't know if I can do anything about that.

She doesn't care about food or dieting. She doesn't think she is fat, at least, not to any degree of insecurity.

But you know...
The comments on activity...

No way. When I was a kid, we went out after breakfast and we ran around like crazy maniacs until someone made us come in and eat. And then we did it again until dinner. And if we could go out after dinner, then too. That was weekends and summer and holidays.

In today's world, most kids can't do that anymore. I lived as a kid in a gigantic apartment complex, with units ranging from 1bdrm to 5bdrm and 2 stories, and there were five sand/equipment playgrounds and endless sidewalks in the 2-block-size complex and a pool in the center and a huge lawn for sports and a big cement area we used for skating and baseball. It was a blast. And most people I know who are my age, lived on a street with lots of kids, or in a rural area but they had neighbors or siblings, and they did the same thing -- they just ran and played ALL DAY.

Well, I live a block off main street. There are no kids on my street and it's a frontage road by a grocery store so the cars go very fast. Besides, in today's world, you let your kid play by the street, they are nearly as likely to get grabbed by some pervert as they are to get run over. At least in my world, the days of just letting your kid play "somewhere in the neighborhood" at age 7-12 are over. We have a small backyard, you know, a tract home, like millions of people live in. Half of it has a substantial garden (a standing garden). The other half has her trampoline and a swingset she is getting too big for.

My point is, that I don't think kids in today's world -- at least not all of them -- have NEARLY the opportunity for exercise that kids in my generation did. Putting a kid in soccor or gymastics is great and all, but that's what, maybe 3 days a week, 1-1.5 hours? 4 days during game season? This is great, better than nothing, but it can't compare to a 'normal' childhood of kids running around like crazy all the time. I think that drastic reduction in "chronic exercise," plus all the boxed, canned, bagged, processed, fast foods in today's world, greatly contribute to the childhood weight issues all the 'experts' are moaning about.

OM

[pepperlg]

he part that bothers me isn't really her weight which I think with good eating habits enforced by me, exercise arranged by me when needed, that it will gradually melt away. What bothers me is that it's pretty apparent to me that she is a sugar/carb addict. I don't know if I can do anything about that.

She doesn't care about food or dieting. She doesn't think she is fat, at least, not to any degree of insecurity.

She shouldn't care about food or dieting! She's eight years old, for goodness sake! My mom always made sure I cared. Oh, did she ever. I was always on a diet. Always told I ate too much. Always told I needed to stop. Well, guess what? 8 year old children do not have any control over their own diet, and expecting her to care is just not appropriate. You're her mother, she's a child, therefore, it's your job to care for her. She shouldn't have to worry about this shit until she's much, much older.

Furthermore, everything you do now will affect her. I can still feel the affects of what my mother and grandmother did to me. They taught me to eat bad foods and make poor choices, and then lectured me about it until I fet like shit. They taught me to be carb addicts. I am blaming them fully for my weight problem. I weighed 90 pounds in the first grade, and I hit about 200 by the time I was 12. I had absolutely zero control over what I ate because my mom did all the shopping and cooked all the food and quite frankly, she didn't know better.

Make a choice now to show her how to eat proper foods, like it looks you have done. What you feed her, what you teach her out to cook, what you teach her out to buy in the grocery store will become ingrained. It will stick with her. NOW it is not her concern. Give her the proper tools so when it becomes her concern, she's equipped. But please, please, please, don't put expectations on her now. Any. Do your best to teach her proper habits while she's a child, and when she becomes an adult, trust your own awesome parenting skills and back the hell off.

maybe it's clear from my post that I have my own issues...

[JustAGirl]

well said pepper

[foxgluvs]

I can still feel the affects of what my mother and grandmother did to me. They taught me to eat bad foods and make poor choices, and then lectured me about it until I fet like shit.

maybe it's clear from my post that I have my own issues...

It is clear you have your own issues yes.

The point everyone has been trying to make is that this mother has to try to introduce the healthy foods back into the little girls diet. And encourage excersise.
None of us are suggesting that she makes the little one paranoid about her weight. Don't assume this woman is anything like your mother was. I applaud this lady for coming here to ask questions. If her child has a few excess lbs now, then that could easily become a problem later in life, so better or her to SUBTLY do something now, than sit back and watch her beautiful daughter have all of the nasty consiquenses of eventually having a weight problem!!

[pepperlg]

My point was that she's already doing what she needs to be doing by showing her daughter the proper way to eat. She doesn't need to worry that her daughter doesn't care or it's all a waste of time. She'll develop eating habits now that'll stick with her, and I'm worried that the poster is putting pressure on the daughter to care. She's too young for that. Just teach her through setting a good example. Like a million beginning writers across the world hear every day, "Show, don't tell."

[JustAGirl]

personally, i learn more from example than i do from lectures.

[ojoj]

Ozarkmama, we seem to have similar 8 year olds. Everything you've said sounds like me and my daughter.

One thing I have noticed is that when I give my little girl a fried "Atkins" breakfast, her demands for food dont start until lunch time - I think maybe she's taken after me and seems to have a carb addiction, which I try to address by reducing her carb intake - not easy when the rest of our family are able to eat cakes, ice cream etc, and of course then there are lunches at school, tea at friends houses etc..

Jo

[mrslbrown]

Well, in my opinion I think that because she is still a child you have the ability to help her change the bad behavior that is causing her to be overweight. I was also an overweight child who became an overweight adult and who spent much of life unhappy. You don't want that for your child. I say don't allow her to eat whatever and whenever she wants. You would want to teach her ways to be healthy now so that she doesn't get teased and is forced to do something drastic about her weight later. I was bigger than my classmates most of my life. I was teased and my self-esteem was low. I began using food for comfort and my weight eventually spiraled out of control. Don't call it a diet, but let her know that we are making a lifestyle change. And you and your DH must lead by example. The saying "do as I say, not as I do" is a hard one for a child to grasp. If everyone is eating better, and she is made to do so, she will begin to slim down and learn the healthy ways of life.