I need some feedback on a serious issue

[nka]

I don't want to sound ungrateful but I need to talk about something that I hope someone can relate to and give me some feedback on. Actually, I am not sure if I really want to know that anyone else is feeling the way I do right now but for the sake of trying to get this off my chest here it goes...

I have been working out like mad over the last few weeks and I have lost a considerable amount of weight, 22 lbs since March 1st. I look different. I look a lot different. My boobs are getting smaller. My arms and legs are more toned and getting smaller. My waist and abs and even my fingers and toes are smaller... I have a figure now. Granted, it isn't perfect but it has curves.

I went clothes shopping earlier to buy myself a celebratory outfit for hitting 200. While at the store I was overcome with emotions. I couldn't believe how I looked. I thought to myself that maybe I was just dreaming or suffering from body dysmorphic disorder or whatever the hell it is called. I feel like I am going to cry right now because I don't recognize my own body. I think maybe I am suffering from BDD.

Has anyone else lost weight and wondered if they like the results?

I am 45 lbs from goal. I'm scared that I will look strange at goal and scared at the same time that I will never make it.

I really apologize for sounding ungrateful. I honestly am not trying to. I don't know what is wrong with me. I don't want to sabotage myself because of this. I don't know what to do.

[atmasters]

Please don't feel that you are being ungrateful at all. This is normal. I personally did not go threw this but my friend did. She was so shocked that she was scared that she would not be able to keep it off and she was crying a lot as well. It is hard when you work so hard at some thing and you finally see the results it can be over whelming. You are doing great and you really are an inspiration here. It is ok to be happy and scared the scared part means that you are dead serious about this way of life and you are going to do great.

Just remember that your hard work will not go un noticed :rose:

[nka]

thanks. I just don't understand why I am feeling this way. It is almost as if I miss being bigger or something. I'm so confused by these feelings that I am having.

[twinmomma]

I am not sure if this is it but you sort of feel like you lost a friend? Does that make any sense? You miss seeing the bigger yo because that's all you knew. Like you lost your best friend. I had a friend who lost 124lbs and she would keep checking herself in the mirror and she could never stop. She told me that she just couldn't get use to see herself. Just know that your healthy now...HTH

[mammac-5]

There was a discussion a while back in the "emotional" section here on the site. Very interesting; you might want to look it up.

You know, everybody talks about how great it would be to lose weight, they'd like to be a size ____, they'd be happy if their butt was smaller, etc. But people SHOULD talk about the massive changes that happen inside and out when a lot of weight is lost. It changes you -- and that can be scary!

It's been several months of adjustment for me. I have days where I think I look great and I have days where I can't even tell by looking at myself that I've lost anything. Sometimes I just really don't believe it and look again at the size tags in my clothes!

A few weeks ago my youngest child stepped up on the scale; he weighs about 45 lbs. Well, I've LOST about 45 lbs. It was a sobering thought when I realized I'd lost the equivalent of ANOTHER HUMAN BEING! Weird. Very weird. Surreal actually.

We all complain about our weight and our size. It's fairly universal. Yet we don't stop to think that we are comfortable. We KNOW that size. We know who we are at that size/weight. We know how others see us at that size. We know what others expect of us at that size. All those things change when we become "losers". It can be scary. I think it's something like becoming suddenly wealthy or famous....everybody's so different, but I haven't changed.

Give yourself time. Definitely don't start worrying about BDD. Your sight will adjust -- give it time. And enjoy the different way you're treated by others. I remember after I started looking different ... I was at the grocery store I shopped at all the time, looking at some meat. The butcher came out from behind his counter to help me choose something. I'll tell you what, that NEVER happened when I weighed 214!! You know why? Because the same man was probably looking at me and thinking, "Yeah, that's all she needs is to eat a big old steak!! MOOOO!!!"

[atmasters]

You should be very proud of your self. You have come a long way and you are really looking good :blush: I think this is just one more little hurdle that you have to over come. Soon you will be so use to you being this way that you are going to look at photos in a year and say " That was me Really " mark my words on it :lol:

[ProfGumby]

thanks. I just don't understand why I am feeling this way. It is almost as if I miss being bigger or something. I'm so confused by these feelings that I am having.

Please understand you are not alone in this happening. Sometimes, the sight of yourself in the mirror can do this, but it will eventually pass as you begin to accept your new physical appearance.

What you have done by losing all the weight is stepped so far out of your comfort zone and old ways, that you are like a kid in a tree, your glad you climbed the tree but then you looked down and got scared that you went as high as you did.

Same thing here, you lost a lot of weight, but set out to lose more. Looking in the mirror you see a new outer you and are a little scared. Don't worry about looking down. Look up, look towards your goal, and don't look back.

After a real short time, you will accept your appearance as you again and it will be no big thing.....no pun intended :D Well, okay I meant the pun a little :cool:

Myself? I actually like the way I look in pictures and my reflection now, and it grows with every little success. In time this will be you as well.

Don't ever let anyone steal your triumph, especially you.

If I may suggest, read "What to say when you Talk to yourself" It is a great book. Not diet related, but there are a lot of parallels, and it deals with the bisiness of dealing with your worst critic, you.

Smashing the wall of fear is another great book too....

Keep on doing what you are doing! You are winning and achieving your goal, don't stop. You can do this and you can count on any of us for support!

[Ayustar]

I understand where you are coming from. I am still not used to my body at all, it's still new to me, though, I am still unhappy with my form. Everyone tells me I look great, but I cannot accept that. I look at myself and I think I am gross. I just want to lose the rest of the weight. I am not too scared about gaining it back since I think I have that sort of control now. Sounds cocky but I believe it is true.

I don't think I can make it to goal, that scares me. I am not scared if I do, of course. But I am scared that I can't. I think I just want too much too soon.

Congrats though, that is amazing, 22 since March. Wow. Keep going, I know that you will be happy when you reach your initial goal. Don't be afraid of it either. Everyone here is supportive of your goals!! I hope you reach your goal!!! Good luck and don't be afraid!

[UpTheHill]

It took quite a while for my mind to catch up with my body.

When I first got to my goal weight, I still visualized myself with the same face as in my before picture. If I caught a look at my face unexpectedly in a mirror, I wouldn't actually recognize it as myself at first.

Now I actually do see my current reflection as matching what I think I look like. I still don't estimate my body size well, though, and I surprise myself being able to walk through narrow spaces easily.

I didn't have the sense of loss that you talk about. I do have a lot of feelings about how weird this all is, after all, there is now an invisible Lynda somewhere that's just about my size. I expect that it will take several more years to reach the point where I really settle into being accustomed to my current shape, appearance, and functionality.

Lynda

[3shewolf8]

I still see the larger size me when I look in the mirror. I got a compliment today, and I still have a hard time believing anyone even looks at me that way. I don't know whether to feel happy or peed off because I am the same person inside, but sometimes I want to eat and eat and eat. I think that maybe I might be afraid of the attention that I am getting now, before I could hide behind my fat and not be expected to be outgoing or the center of attention. Now I get so much attention that it scares me sometimes. does that make sense to anyone??

[nka]

Thank you all so much for your replies and I want to reply back to you all individually but I am really just trying to soak all of this in. Today occured a pivotal moment where I had to see that I am different now. I have so many emotions going through me right now that I can't even begin to express them clearly. I feel overwhelmed, scared, sad, anxious, and happy all at the same time.

My god, I think I even feel scared that my eyes are playing tricks on me or something.

What do I do as I get closer to goal. What am I changing for? How will I handle not having the weight disability anymore?
You all said a lot of things that I am going to read over a few times and keep reading to try to calm down. I can't recall ever feeling this way. I have had good and bad body days but today is different...

[nka]

I still see the larger size me when I look in the mirror. I got a compliment today, and I still have a hard time believing anyone even looks at me that way. I don't know whether to feel happy or peed off because I am the same person inside, but sometimes I want to eat and eat and eat. I think that maybe I might be afraid of the attention that I am getting now, before I could hide behind my fat and not be expected to be outgoing or the center of attention. Now I get so much attention that it scares me sometimes. does that make sense to anyone??


Yes, that makes sense to me. I have always received attention but as a larger woman it was for my personality but now it is my looks and it is scary.

[MsCarrieM]

Been there and done that. Determined that I was sabotaging myself because I was afraid of what/who I would be as a "skinny" person! What helped me was to make a list of what I liked about me as a "big girl" and what I didn't like. Then I made a list of what I hoped to like about me as a "skinny girl". Suprisingly the list was more about emotions, feelings, and attitudes than about the size of my body.

Don't know if this will help and maybe it's just my dellusional way of thinking but there ya go! :)

*huge hugs*

[nka]

It took quite a while for my mind to catch up with my body.

When I first got to my goal weight, I still visualized myself with the same face as in my before picture. If I caught a look at my face unexpectedly in a mirror, I wouldn't actually recognize it as myself at first.

Now I actually do see my current reflection as matching what I think I look like. I still don't estimate my body size well, though, and I surprise myself being able to walk through narrow spaces easily.

I didn't have the sense of loss that you talk about. I do have a lot of feelings about how weird this all is, after all, there is now an invisible Lynda somewhere that's just about my size. I expect that it will take several more years to reach the point where I really settle into being accustomed to my current shape, appearance, and functionality.

Lynda


I am feeling that! I didn't recognize myself. It really freaked me out. OH MY GOD, that is when it happened today, it wasn't just the clothes and all... I remember what it was EXACTLY... I crossed my arms over my stomach and they fell under my breasts... It is hard to explain but it felt like I was touching someone else and then the clothes just added to it...

[nka]

Been there and done that. Determined that I was sabotaging myself because I was afraid of what/who I would be as a "skinny" person! What helped me was to make a list of what I liked about me as a "big girl" and what I didn't like. Then I made a list of what I hoped to like about me as a "skinny girl". Suprisingly the list was more about emotions, feelings, and attitudes than about the size of my body.

Don't know if this will help and maybe it's just my dellusional way of thinking but there ya go! :)

*huge hugs*


Thank you. I will try that. I think I will do that tomorrow instead of finishing up a book I have been reading. I am willing to try anything. Thanks

[nka]

I understand where you are coming from. I am still not used to my body at all, it's still new to me, though, I am still unhappy with my form. Everyone tells me I look great, but I cannot accept that. I look at myself and I think I am gross. I just want to lose the rest of the weight. I am not too scared about gaining it back since I think I have that sort of control now. Sounds cocky but I believe it is true.

I don't think I can make it to goal, that scares me. I am not scared if I do, of course. But I am scared that I can't. I think I just want too much too soon.

Congrats though, that is amazing, 22 since March. Wow. Keep going, I know that you will be happy when you reach your initial goal. Don't be afraid of it either. Everyone here is supportive of your goals!! I hope you reach your goal!!! Good luck and don't be afraid!


I am afraid of making goal and NOT making goal.

[nka]

I am not sure if this is it but you sort of feel like you lost a friend? Does that make any sense? You miss seeing the bigger yo because that's all you knew. Like you lost your best friend. I had a friend who lost 124lbs and she would keep checking herself in the mirror and she could never stop. She told me that she just couldn't get use to see herself. Just know that your healthy now...HTH


I keep checking myself, too. I feel so weird and like right now, I feel normal because I just ate so my tummy is a little bloated but if I look in the mirror or look at my arms or wrists, etc... it freaks me out

[nka]

There was a discussion a while back in the "emotional" section here on the site. Very interesting; you might want to look it up.

You know, everybody talks about how great it would be to lose weight, they'd like to be a size ____, they'd be happy if their butt was smaller, etc. But people SHOULD talk about the massive changes that happen inside and out when a lot of weight is lost. It changes you -- and that can be scary!

It's been several months of adjustment for me. I have days where I think I look great and I have days where I can't even tell by looking at myself that I've lost anything. Sometimes I just really don't believe it and look again at the size tags in my clothes!

A few weeks ago my youngest child stepped up on the scale; he weighs about 45 lbs. Well, I've LOST about 45 lbs. It was a sobering thought when I realized I'd lost the equivalent of ANOTHER HUMAN BEING! Weird. Very weird. Surreal actually.

We all complain about our weight and our size. It's fairly universal. Yet we don't stop to think that we are comfortable. We KNOW that size. We know who we are at that size/weight. We know how others see us at that size. We know what others expect of us at that size. All those things change when we become "losers". It can be scary. I think it's something like becoming suddenly wealthy or famous....everybody's so different, but I haven't changed.

Give yourself time. Definitely don't start worrying about BDD. Your sight will adjust -- give it time. And enjoy the different way you're treated by others. I remember after I started looking different ... I was at the grocery store I shopped at all the time, looking at some meat. The butcher came out from behind his counter to help me choose something. I'll tell you what, that NEVER happened when I weighed 214!! You know why? Because the same man was probably looking at me and thinking, "Yeah, that's all she needs is to eat a big old steak!! MOOOO!!!"
LMAO ~ the butcher! I had a hot guy following me around the market today and he seemed to be choosing the same LC foods as me and we were both just like in awe of one another... Then I remembered that I'm married...

I am going to give it some time and try to get used to the new me. I don't want to get too freaked out now and start binging to get back to 240... I need to stay focused and keep eating healthy and exercising.
I bought some strawberries today to make some smoothies with carb countdown and believe it or not it took me a few minutes to pick them up because I am so scared of failing at this. I think that is what is getting to me, too. I am scared of failing and of succeeding. It is almost as if, what if I do make it to goal, then what? I am already thinking about breast augmentation via a lift and who knows how much skin I will need cut off of me after I hit goal. I don't want to become obsessed but then again I do. Gosh, I am listening to myself as I write this (in my head) and I sound insatiable and psycho but I just can't put it into words any better.

[nka]

You should be very proud of your self. You have come a long way and you are really looking good :blush: I think this is just one more little hurdle that you have to over come. Soon you will be so use to you being this way that you are going to look at photos in a year and say " That was me Really " mark my words on it :lol:



aww. thank you, that was really sweet:)

[FabByFifty]

Hi Nka! I believe that you will adjust to this new look! You should be proud of yourself, and in time you will be! :)
I think when this happens for some strange reason we don't believe that we should look this good! I think it is a combination of a lack of belief, and a lack of confidence.
You don't believe that you are good enough to look as good as you do.
But, you are! And hold your head high, and in time you are going to believe it and be so glad that you worked so hard to achieve this.

I bet you are a knockout, and you deserve all the applause that comes your way! :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap:

Good Luck to You!
Brenda

[nka]

Please understand you are not alone in this happening. Sometimes, the sight of yourself in the mirror can do this, but it will eventually pass as you begin to accept your new physical appearance.

What you have done by losing all the weight is stepped so far out of your comfort zone and old ways, that you are like a kid in a tree, your glad you climbed the tree but then you looked down and got scared that you went as high as you did.

Same thing here, you lost a lot of weight, but set out to lose more. Looking in the mirror you see a new outer you and are a little scared. Don't worry about looking down. Look up, look towards your goal, and don't look back.

After a real short time, you will accept your appearance as you again and it will be no big thing.....no pun intended :D Well, okay I meant the pun a little :cool:

Myself? I actually like the way I look in pictures and my reflection now, and it grows with every little success. In time this will be you as well.

Don't ever let anyone steal your triumph, especially you.

If I may suggest, read "What to say when you Talk to yourself" It is a great book. Not diet related, but there are a lot of parallels, and it deals with the bisiness of dealing with your worst critic, you.

Smashing the wall of fear is another great book too....

Keep on doing what you are doing! You are winning and achieving your goal, don't stop. You can do this and you can count on any of us for support!

Thank you for your encouraging words! I am in the middle of a book about relationships right now that someone here suggested for me and as soon as I am done with that I will read the two that you suggested, as well. Again, thank you!

[nka]

Hi Nka! I believe that you will adjust to this new look! You should be proud of yourself, and in time you will be! :)
I think when this happens for some strange reason we don't believe that we should look this good! I think it is a combination of a lack of belief, and a lack of confidence.
You don't believe that you are good enough to look as good as you do.
But, you are! And hold your head high, and in time you are going to believe it and be so glad that you worked so hard to achieve this.

I bet you are a knockout, and you deserve all the applause that comes your way! :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap:

Good Luck to You!
Brenda
Brenda, thank you! I guess from the general concensus, it is normal to feel the way I am feeling so I will give it some time and I will do my best to be more confident. I am confident in so many aspects of my life but weight isn't one of them. This is a big change.

[nka]

oh, btw, I posted pics of the new outfit in my gallery. They are kind of fuzzy at the face but oh well it shows the outfit. I am thinking of wearing it to a meeting with a big wig real estate owner in NYC on the 24th when my boss is in town. I don't know if it is appropriate or not, though. I never do the power suit thing so I thought that the outfit was better than my usual black stretchy pants and suit jacket.

[joanee]

*Sigh* I can relate to so much of what you've said, nka. I've lost a similar amount of weight in a similar time frame, and I'm very impatient to lose the rest. At the same time, though, I feel a kind of grief for what's passing. With me, I suppose, it's about the things that being fat allowed me to do, rather than what it kept me from doing.

I really went through a period of not wanting an attention from men, and being fat helped. I also had a helluva lot of fun eating my way to this weight, most of the time. The idea that I just don't get to eat my sublime peach cobblers or my awesome made-from-scratch cakes anymore, just makes me sad and a little panicky. My weight allowed me to be the center of attention and the life of the party without making other people jealous (since nobody is jealous of a fat lady). My size was intimidating to other people when I needed it to be -- I looked like I could kick some serious butt if I had to, (even though I am the gentlest person I know, the most loathe to hurt anyone or anything) -- and there were times when my physically intimidating size came in handy in some dicey situations. My size allowed me to keep some friends -- especially some wonderful men friends -- where their wives/girlfriends would not normally have encouraged close friendships between their husbands/boyfriends and another woman. Fat is de-sexualizing, in a lot of ways. My size meant that any men who befriended me necessarily liked me for me, and not because they were "thinking with their d*cks." And I, who have always had far more men friends than women friends, never made so many wonderful women friends in my life as I did while being fat. In some essential ways, I got to be me while being fat, in ways that got shut down as unladylike or unattractive back when I was 120 lbs. I do grieve that passing away. I'd like to figure out as I go along how to remain fully me, while literally losing half of myself.

I just want you to know that my heart and my hugs go out to you. I think what you are experiencing is real, and really has to be faced. But you can do it. You can let go of what you loved, even as you let go of what you hated.

[nka]

Joanee, thank you for your reply. I can relate to almost everything that you said there. I know that all of the is contributing to the way that I feel right now. I have to get past this, though because in some sinical way, I think my subconcious is telling me all of these things to sabotage my progress.

[UpTheHill]

Not sure if this applies to you at all, but I found that some body weights were just a lot more emotional for me than others.

204 was one of them. Years ago, it was a high weight for me and felt huge and discouraging. Later, it was more than 100 lbs less than I weighed and seemed like a forgotten memory. Last year, as I hit 204 in passing, it felt strong and healthy and "small" in many ways. Now it just seems like kind of a weird number that has so many different body images attached to it - how can I have so many different memories of one single body weight?

Don't feel you need to rush to have your head catch up with your body. It WILL, in time. One bit of advice though, you might want to start thinking about your goal as a minimum and maximum weight, so you start thinking about an endpoint range for your weight loss. If your head tends to lag your weight loss, it may be helpful to say "I will not let myself go under 150".

Since I know my own head lags my weight loss, what I did was actually set 150 as an absolute lower limit for at least the first year after I reached goal. I was averaging about 152.5 - 153.5 since December or so, and recently decided to tweak that down about 2 pounds. Now I'm averaging 150.5 - 151.5 (which actually gives me a more comfortable jeans fit) but I've set a rule for myself that I'm going to sit at this weight for 6 months before I consider any more tweaking. I've also set a rule for myself that I won't tweak more than 2 lbs in a 6 month period either down or up.

I just have seen too well how long it takes for my view of my body to really match my physical body, and I think it has been helpful for me to build in time to let my head catch up with all of this. There really are so many things to adjust to!

Lynda

[Enomarb]

It is scary to change- I still can't belive my new body. The more time I spend at this weight the better. I talk to myself when I walk my hour/day. Instead of being scared about gaining it back, now I talk to myself about having fun with this new body! Dressing it up, doing sports, moving it through space. Give yourself some time. Take some pictures, try on LOTS of clothes and only buy what you love. Take someone you really trust shopping with you to be your fashion consultant until you know what looks good (mine is my DD!) and fits right. It will be okay-
E

[nka]

Not sure if this applies to you at all, but I found that some body weights were just a lot more emotional for me than others.

204 was one of them. Years ago, it was a high weight for me and felt huge and discouraging. Later, it was more than 100 lbs less than I weighed and seemed like a forgotten memory. Last year, as I hit 204 in passing, it felt strong and healthy and "small" in many ways. Now it just seems like kind of a weird number that has so many different body images attached to it - how can I have so many different memories of one single body weight?

Don't feel you need to rush to have your head catch up with your body. It WILL, in time. One bit of advice though, you might want to start thinking about your goal as a minimum and maximum weight, so you start thinking about an endpoint range for your weight loss. If your head tends to lag your weight loss, it may be helpful to say "I will not let myself go under 150".

Since I know my own head lags my weight loss, what I did was actually set 150 as an absolute lower limit for at least the first year after I reached goal. I was averaging about 152.5 - 153.5 since December or so, and recently decided to tweak that down about 2 pounds. Now I'm averaging 150.5 - 151.5 (which actually gives me a more comfortable jeans fit) but I've set a rule for myself that I'm going to sit at this weight for 6 months before I consider any more tweaking. I've also set a rule for myself that I won't tweak more than 2 lbs in a 6 month period either down or up.

I just have seen too well how long it takes for my view of my body to really match my physical body, and I think it has been helpful for me to build in time to let my head catch up with all of this. There really are so many things to adjust to!

Lynda

Thank you for that advice and I will do that. I can see myself easily going overboard downhill just as fast as I did uphill and your advice seems like the logical thing for me to do

[nka]

It is scary to change- I still can't belive my new body. The more time I spend at this weight the better. I talk to myself when I walk my hour/day. Instead of being scared about gaining it back, now I talk to myself about having fun with this new body! Dressing it up, doing sports, moving it through space. Give yourself some time. Take some pictures, try on LOTS of clothes and only buy what you love. Take someone you really trust shopping with you to be your fashion consultant until you know what looks good (mine is my DD!) and fits right. It will be okay-
E


I always take my daughter with me:) She is VERY honest with me. Sometimes maybe too much, LOL. I take a lot of pics, too just so I can see the actual loss because sometimes I have a loss but I can't see it. Yesterday was the opposite feeling where I felt it a bit too much, I think.

[Quincey]

Hi, I read your posting and was amazed that we have that in common. Many times when I am getting close to making significant progress, I would do something to sabotage my getting there. I always would question what I would do once there is nothing left to work on? Funny as that sounds. Point is, its a big step to acomplishing anything these days. Keep it up you will be fine.

Quincey :wave:

[nka]

Hi, I read your posting and was amazed that we have that in common. Many times when I am getting close to making significant progress, I would do something to sabotage my getting there. I always would question what I would do once there is nothing left to work on? Funny as that sounds. Point is, its a big step to acomplishing anything these days. Keep it up you will be fine.

Quincey :wave:

It really is, isn't it? I am going to kep on keeping on with this. Maybe I will just have to find something else to improve with myself once I am good with the health and weight. Maybe that is what life is really about, a continuation of improvement or something...

[LauraC123]

I had a similar "feeling" to what you experienced but with something else . I was Ed since I was very young. I finally decided to truly give it up, work hard at be healthy.My hair, my skin , my body , my energy my overall health mentally and physically was so so much better.I was "happy" and healthy yet I felt strangly a mourning of some type getting used to a life that did not requre an ED to use as a coping mechanism and a safety net...and I realized all those years of having an ED I focused on that and not dealing with the other issues...now I was healthy and HAD to deal with the other issues...it was scary and part of me wanted the comfort of my old self..you might relate your higher weight with a form of comfort and trading that in for the unknown can make us feel overwhelmed....just know it is a process and one day you will look back and be happy with all that you have accomplished ...
Peace & Blessings to you :)
Laura

[nka]

I had a similar "feeling" to what you experienced but with something else . I was Ed since I was very young. I finally decided to truly give it up, work hard at be healthy.My hair, my skin , my body , my energy my overall health mentally and physically was so so much better.I was "happy" and healthy yet I felt strangly a mourning of some type getting used to a life that did not requre an ED to use as a coping mechanism and a safety net...and I realized all those years of having an ED I focused on that and not dealing with the other issues...now I was healthy and HAD to deal with the other issues...it was scary and part of me wanted the comfort of my old self..you might relate your higher weight with a form of comfort and trading that in for the unknown can make us feel overwhelmed....just know it is a process and one day you will look back and be happy with all that you have accomplished ...
Peace & Blessings to you :)
Laura

Laura, thank you. I'm feeling a relation to what you said and I think I should explore that further. Lately, I have been learning a lot of new things about myself... some of them I embrace and others I cringe at the thought of...

[Redfallon]

oh, btw, I posted pics of the new outfit in my gallery. They are kind of fuzzy at the face but oh well it shows the outfit. I am thinking of wearing it to a meeting with a big wig real estate owner in NYC on the 24th when my boss is in town. I don't know if it is appropriate or not, though. I never do the power suit thing so I thought that the outfit was better than my usual black stretchy pants and suit jacket.

I have read through this thread, and I know what you mean. I have been at goal for about 7 mos now and I still have a skewed view of myself. I guess it just takes time...

BTW - Has anyone ever told you that you favor Rose McGowan? :)

[nka]

I have been told I look like her, Liv Tyler and a few other people who don't come to mind right now. I think it just depends on the lighting and what color I'm wearing. I have hazel green eyes but they turn brown and blue a lot. It really does make a difference in appearance.

I can't wait to hit goal but at the same time I wonder how long I will feel odd about not being fat anymore.

[Redfallon]

It is kinda weird. I still feel a little comfort when I feel my belly. It's not flat, but it's smaller than it used to be in proportion to how I'm smaller than I used to be. There is a good fiction book out there that I have read over and over that is relatable to this. It's called "Jemima J" by Jane Green (http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0767905180/qid=1116533785/sr=2-1/ref=pd_bbs_b_2_1/102-6117832-5497709). That is a link to it on Amazon. I don't like the review that they put on there - don't agree with it being a "tired" book. I loved it!

[nka]

It is kinda weird. I still feel a little comfort when I feel my belly. It's not flat, but it's smaller than it used to be in proportion to how I'm smaller than I used to be. There is a good fiction book out there that I have read over and over that is relatable to this. It's called "Jemima J" by Jane Green (http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0767905180/qid=1116533785/sr=2-1/ref=pd_bbs_b_2_1/102-6117832-5497709). That is a link to it on Amazon. I don't like the review that they put on there - don't agree with it being a "tired" book. I loved it!
There are a slew of rotten reviews for the book but to be honest, I found them humorous, LOL! I will check and see if they have it at the library. Thanks!

[nka]

By the way, your before and after pics are truly amazing.

[Redfallon]

Re: Jemima J - I have read this book so many times I can't count. I also have all of her other books except for the latest one. It's a good read. It's light and funny, and for all of us, it's very relatable.

By the way, your before and after pics are truly amazing. THANKS!!! :D