Does Anybody Feel Stuck ?

[LUVTRISH]

I'm turning 24 this month and i feel stuck because i dont have a degree yet and i dont know what to do with my life or which i should be doing. I dont wanna wake up one morning 30 years old and still with the same job. I guess being pessimistic of the things around me makes me hold up what i really need to be doing with myself. I want to be somebody but i really dont know where to start.

I still live at home and i can't move out because i can't afford living just by myself. I go to school but i really have no idea what classes im taking.

What happened last year or year before? What did i do? did i just waste my time ? time gone back so quick and im still here the old same grl and doesn't know what she wants. I feel that whatever i do is not good enough and every decision i make turn out badly.. life and relationships.. i guess im tired of trying and be a positve person.

Does anybody feel this way? just wanted to share my feelings and whats inside me.

[misskimbee]

Oh my God, I could have written your post!!! :bhug:

I'm 24 too, and at a standstill in my life right now. I don't have the key things I feel I need -

1. Education

2. Security

3. Companionship!!!!

I don't yet qualify again as an NWT resident, and until I do, I can't apply for funding for school. Which means, essentially, I can't go to school until OCTOBER 2006. Which means I'll be 25, and by the time I actually get a degree, I'll be 33 or 34. Man, I planned on being married by next year and starting a family. I feel like I've wasted a lot of time and now I'm really running out.

I have no boyfriend and haven't for the last 2 years, and now feel like I must have some kind of disease or something. I just don't know what it is I'm doing wrong. Why are all of my friends hooked up, and what are they doing right?

So now I'm at the point where it feels pretty flippin' hopeless that anything good is coming my way, since it's been the same for so long.

I don't have any real advice but I can tell you that I feel ya on what you're going through right now.

Ever need someone to listen, I'm right here!!

[LUVTRISH]

thansk for sharing mskimbee.. i feel that im not alone on this. My mom said why im feeling this way because im trying to find myself, i dont know if she's right.

Why couldn't you go to school? NWT resident, are u from another country? You never started college yet? but you probably have a decent job, right?

Dont worry being single, he'll come along. I wish i am single, well eventually i will be. My relationship right now is not working and it will lead to break up. I was single for 2 years bfore i met him. My boyfriend right now turned out to be very controlling, jealous, possessive. He wasn't like this before we met.. im trapped

My friends are having babies, getting engaged. I'm not jealous at all, i want them to be happy. I also want the same thing they have. Thats why sometimes I usually turned down their invitations because i feel like i dont know what to say about how im doing or whats good in my life..

hope we could figure these stuff out sooner

[misskimbee]

Hey there,

I lived in a different province last year, Alberta, so I lost my status as a resident of the Northwest Territories. So I can't get funding as an Aboriginal student until a full year happens. I have never been to college or university yet. Now that I finally want to go, I have to wait for it.

I think this is what they call a "Quarter Life crisis" at least it feels like it. I often feel like I don't know if I'm coming or going. It's like the awkwardness of puberty all over again (why am I feeling these feelings?) with bills and complicated relationships.

My friends are all childless, and I don't want kids either but I just want someone special. I should be with someone right now, building a fruitful relationship that will someday lead to marriage I hope.....just pretty lonely lately.

[cs_carver]

Older.

that's about the only answer that's always true. Heck, I'm 46 and still searching, only I've come to different terms with some of the questions. They really don't go away. If two years can go by now, they'll go by with kids too (and kids, per se, are not that hard; it's "kids and decent husband" that's the hat trick) and you'll wonder where your life went.

I know something about focusing closely on the choices in front of me today, and as I live into them better and better, funny how the future changes. If you don't want to be 30 in this job, what can you do today to change your life? Sometimes it has nothing at all to do with the job. Maybe it's taking a walk, or hiring a therapist or coach, or joining Match.com to get out of your dating rut (or to learn to really date in the first place).

Change one thing today. Change another thing next week. This time next year, you'll have 52 new things in your life and all of them were completely managable.

Good luck. You may not realize (or maybe it's not true for you; sure is for me) that merely switching to a LC WOL can have a powerful effect on certain future outcomes.

Suggest watching the movie What the Bleep Do We Know a couple of times, too. Took me twice to get any thing at all, and I'll rent it again in a month or two, I think.

[superaunt]

Hi there. I'm 32 and I can vouch for you guys -- the 20's weren't all that they were cracked up to be. :) Yeah, when we were younger, we couldn't wait to be 18, then 21. Then those years come and it's like "Now What?" hehe.

I don't envy you guys at all, but if you want some advice, I can honestly say that these years will be some very important years as for finding out who you are. You'll be slapped in the face with many different issues, but the main thing to do is focus on what makes YOU happy. Once you figure out who you are, what you want, what makes YOU happy, you'll be able to find your place in the world...

Like I said earlier, I'm 32. I'm still single (though happily involved), still childless, still working a non-career type of job. But you know what? I'm happy. Finally! My 30's so far have been the best years of my life. Really! I've been alone (spent several years alone) and I was able to really find out what I want and what I don't want. That has enabled me to find a good man who really cares about me. No my job isn't my dream job, but it's not horrible or dead-end. I own my own place and contribute to the lives of my nieces and nephews all the time.

Have fun. Try not to sweat the small stuff -- not to sound too cliche. It was hard for me, too. But once I learned to live life to the fullest, things happened more.

And yeah, it's hard sometimes -- STILL IS. But I know who I am and I love myself. :) Once that happened for me, the world just opened up so many possibilities....

Take care guys!! :)

[chelles]

DO WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY. Period.

Don't have kids because you're supposed to.
Don't get married because you're sick of dating.

Live at home as long as you and your folks are happy with the arrangement. Save your money for a down payment on a house.

Take as many college courses as you can. Eventually you'll find something you love.

We're all fed bullshit from movies, tv, and magazines that a perfect life is achievable. We're supposed to be happy all the time. We're supposed to know what we're doing and what we want. Guess what? I don't know anybody like that. I'm 33, and the older I get the more I accept it.

Do everything you can right now, while you're still single and don't have kids. Go on a road trip to Mexico for a week with some friends. Date three different men every week. Go to a country where you don't speak the language and stay in a youth hostel for $10 a day. Take a summer course in Europe through your college. Meet people who have never seen a Starbucks.

You see thousands of people living their life stories every day. Don't have the most boring one.

[MoNoCarb]

Hey guys

I second everything that everyone said. I'm a little older than Luvtrish and MissKimbee (I'm 27 - 28 in a month!).

I jsut wanted to say one thing- don't get all tied up with what society's expectations are with regard to getting married and having kids. Luvtrish - you said that you had planned to be married and have kids by 25. I did too.

But when I moved to England (a very interesting decision I made whilst 21), I discovered a different culture where people think it's WEIRD to get married at 22 and 23. I just got engaged and I'm almost the FIRST of my English friends to do it and LOTS of people thought it was "too young" (!).

I definitely understand your anxieties about your careers, but on the other hand - I spent my twenties in college and law school and have a "good job" as a lawyer in an investment bank, but to be honest - I'm pretty bored most of the time and wish I could be as occupied and content in my job as I was when I used to wait tables in college and make all the money I needed in tips!

Don't let other people's expectations of you and especially not society's expectations of you be YOUR expectations. I think that's what's difficult about our twenties - you're still not exactly sure what YOU want, so you try to do what everyone else wants - only to find what everyone else wants isn't for you.

Most of all (this is advice I give myself), just be gentle and calm with yourself and keep looking for ways to make better decisions TODAY and trust that those decisions will take care of your tomorrows. It works with lo carb - I'm trying not too worry so much about whether I'll be thin at my wedding in a year and more about whether I will eat what I intend to eat for dinner tonight (pork chops and salad!). If I make the right decision each day - my wedding day figure will take care of itself.

Good luck! :wave:

[IvannaBFit]

I'm turning 24 this month and i feel stuck because i dont have a degree yet and i dont know what to do with my life or which i should be doing. I dont wanna wake up one morning 30 years old and still with the same job. I guess being pessimistic of the things around me makes me hold up what i really need to be doing with myself. I want to be somebody but i really dont know where to start.

I still live at home and i can't move out because i can't afford living just by myself. I go to school but i really have no idea what classes im taking.

What happened last year or year before? What did i do? did i just waste my time ? time gone back so quick and im still here the old same grl and doesn't know what she wants. I feel that whatever i do is not good enough and every decision i make turn out badly.. life and relationships.. i guess im tired of trying and be a positve person.

Does anybody feel this way? just wanted to share my feelings and whats inside me.


I am twenty-five and I know exactly how you feel. Hang in there. I totally understand.

[IvannaBFit]

I also want to add: I am married. And we own a house. These things which some of you want, and I have . . . don't make me any happier than you. I wish for things I DONT have, like an education, travel, and/or perhaps a BETTER house. I want kids, too.

So I think that the human condition is that we will always want more than we have. At least that's what I try and tell myself. 25 really sucks, though. I feel I haven't done enough. And weight loss is part of that. Sometimes my neg-thoughts creep in and they're like, "you haven't been thin YET, what makes you think you EVER will?"

But the other way to look at it is . . . if I reach goal by 26, and I love to be 86 . . . that's 60 years of goal!

[Mousesmom]

Things happen in your life as they are meant to. I was married at 19, divorced with a baby at 21. I met DH #2 at 24 and I started university for my BA at 25 with a 4 year old DD. My BA took 2.5 years and my Masters took 3 years. Now I am divorced (again) with a 16 yo! I'm 37 and starting again.

I echo the sentiment of not conforming to society's expectations. If I had done what society expected, I would have stayed with my first ex (even though he was abusive - my family told me to stay with him and "deal with it"), had more kids and my life would have been a disaster (or I would have been dead - and no I am not kidding).

Do what makes you happy.

Just because your friends are getting married and having kids doesn't mean you "should" too. There's no "should" here.

This is your life and you only get one so enjoy it.

Take care, Julie

[MoNoCarb]

Brilliant advice Mousemom!

And what an inspiration your life is.

M

[misskimbee]

it's not society's expectations that I"m struggling with; it's my own. I have timelines I've set and not meeting them is where the difficulty lies I guess. I know life happens when you're making plans, etc. etc. but it's hard to deal with it. I am a very lonely girl and have been for years and just want someone to love me and someone I can love. I haven't had contact with someone where there were real genuine feelings involved in years, and I miss that dearly. :(

Just a bunch of stupid physical flings, not sleeping around (i don't do that) but just make outs and fooling around and I just badly want something deeper than that. I haven't connected with someone since my ex of 4 years....just feel this emptiness and a lump in my throat because I so much wish I was someone's "someone".

[superaunt]

Sweetie, you have to try to learn to not make expectations. You can set goals, but try not to have expectations or you may get crushed even more.

You are SUCH a BEAUTIFUL woman misskimbee. Love yourself first and the rest will follow. I PROMISE! :)

(Hey, isn't that an expose song lyric or something?)

[Gailew]

One thing I found different between the 20's and the 30's is that I went from having goals toward 'arriving' and realizing that there's no arrival, it's all in the journey. You know, we only live in the present, so be here. What I mean is, you can't live in the past or the future, so be here and enjoy today, but work toward what you want your future to be (which will also be a journey, not an arrival)-Gail

[LUVTRISH]

I think there's a point of what Gailew just said that life is a journey. I've always been living in the past.

For me i guess i feel scared to try new things because of what happened in the past. I'm scared of failures now and it makes me just get stuck to whatever that feels comfortable and has security. I have this notion on my mind " i'm going to fail anways" so why i try? I know i have to change my ways and thnking but its hard. I guess im very cynical and pessimistic at times.:rolleyes:

[nets33]

First... don't let is worry you. I went through the same thing when I was 24 trying to decide what I wanted to do and where I wanted to be. All my friends were getting engaged... married... moving....

it's not society's expectations that I"m struggling with; it's my own. I have timelines I've set and not meeting them is where the difficulty lies I guess. I know so many girls that went through depression because they set goals like "I will be married by 28" or "I will have a fabulous carrer and be making $XX by the time I'm 30". And when they didn't reach those goals they fell apart.

I try to set goals that, while realistic, may not hinge upon a certain timeline. Some of mine:
- I want to continue to learn and grow my career. Guess what? I've managed to reach this goal.... and I'm still working on it.
- I want to be happy with myself. I am! :) I've learned that the only person that can make me happy is me. That I won't be happy in a relationship until I'm happy with who I am.
- Find activities that keep me busy and allow me to meet and create new friendships. I joined tennis four years ago and have created a whole new circle of friends.

There are lots of agencies and schools that can talk with you and help you set some career goals. As for personal goals you have to do what makes you happy....

I still have those days when I wonder what the heck I'm doing. It doesn't dissappear with age, you just get used to it.

K

[Mousesmom]

Brilliant advice Mousemom!

And what an inspiration your life is.

M
I'm glad I can be of help..... if someone can learn from my experiences, so much the better!!

Julie

[snucks]

Well I had to laught today because I work at a University and I was just thinking to myself how I wish I would have started school later in life. First, don't beat yourself up, I see hundreds of 18-19 year olds and questions like the ones your asking don't end with graduation five years later. Believe me! Also, I'm sorry but what are you doing setting marriage goals by 24 or 25? I'm recently married at the ripe old age of 29 and attending over 4 weddings this year for friends my age, it seems everyone is living there lives now and getting married later and later. Not only that but if you don't know what your doing with your life, do you want to get married right away? If you have to firgure it out with someone else partnered with you it really makes a difference. Where to live, go to school not go to school quite your job etc. My advice take a deep breathe. Only after I "discovered" who I really was did I appreciate how much my husband loved the true me.

[MsCarrieM]

I'm in a similar (but way different) place in my life too. I'm 26, going to graduate college in December, have a 9 yo son, a 29 yo hubby, and I have NO CLUE what I'm going to do when I graduate.

Sometimes when I'm thinking of down the road, I have to stop myself and say "Do you want things? or do you want people in your life?" This helps me focus on my personal ambitions. Yeah it would be nice to have a better house, better car, more money, but what I really want is quality people in my life. Maybe I'll be rich & famous, but probably not, besides you can't take it with you when you go!

[cartersg1]

I'm 39 - next year, I start my PhD program! I've had several "incarnations" in my life - the last "real" job I had, I left due to mutual agreement. I was a fundraiser for a social service organization. It was good money but too stressful and I'm really not made for the 9-to-5 thing. I've been teaching college part-time at several campuses for four years and I love it! My background is in history/archaeology and I love being back in my field!! I've done a lot of different jobs in the historical field and only settled on what I will do until I retire FOUR years ago. So at 24, you have a lot of time to decide what to do.

We tend to see life as some set of milestones - college done by 21, married by 24, first house by 27, two kids by 30...EEEWWW!!!! Relax! We've all been there. And if don't accomplish some kind of pre-set goal, something is wrong. Nothing is wrong. Throw away those notions that you have "to be something" by a certain age. But I would recommend moving out - does your campus have dorms? Move in and make friends, join social clubs, take advantage of a semester abroad! With parents hanging over your head, you might tend to feel as if they are pushing you or disappointed in you. They only want you to be happy - and eventually move out. :)

There are several things that make me happy - my family, my friends, traveling, baseball and photography. I just entered my first competition. I didn't win anything but I'm joining the photography club that sponsored it to get better at my hobby. And because I need a break from being mom, wife, and teacher. My husband isn't interested but he highly supports it because he sees great potential! Focus on what makes you happy, what at least makes you smile! Pursue a dream - you will begin to feel better when you do what will make you happy. We are so caught up in making money that we are miserable in our jobs and our lives. Money is necessary but I'd much rather be happy and poor than rich and miserable.

[veritas14]

I'm 39 and waiting for the YES letters from law schools!! It is never too late. 24? You've got plenty of time.

[KaiNiki]

it's not society's expectations that I"m struggling with; it's my own. I have timelines I've set and not meeting them is where the difficulty lies I guess. I know life happens when you're making plans, etc. etc. but it's hard to deal with it. I am a very lonely girl and have been for years and just want someone to love me and someone I can love. I haven't had contact with someone where there were real genuine feelings involved in years, and I miss that dearly. :(

Just a bunch of stupid physical flings, not sleeping around (i don't do that) but just make outs and fooling around and I just badly want something deeper than that. I haven't connected with someone since my ex of 4 years....just feel this emptiness and a lump in my throat because I so much wish I was someone's "someone".

Hey Misskimbee, I feel you on the whole connecting with another person, but I wish I knew how to take the time to connect with myself. I am a "serial monagomist" I have not been without a boyfriend of some type since I was 15 years old. This can sometimes be just as bad and as lonely as wandering around and having physical flings. I hope I have the courage some day to be in my own company as you are, when the time is right it will happen, I really believe that.

As for school and what I want to be when I grow up, I also have no idea. I am 26, will be 27 in August, I got two B.A. degrees this year and expected it to be like a magic solution. Guess what?! I still have no idea what I want to be. I am so confused that I even went as far as applying to law school and an MPA program. It took everything in me to turn down my acceptances to law school and the MPA program because I knew that all it would mean to me at this point in my life is one more degree, a heck of a lot more student loans and still no clue. I am scared to death, for as long as I can remeber I have been working towards something marriage, degree etc. and now I feel like I am standing still trying to figure out which way to go.

[Beeblebrox]

I'm 35 and have a boring job, and have had it for almost 10 years. So I will tell you what I wish I had done...

I wish I had taken chances. I wish I hadn't made safe choices. I wish I had made a choice based on a passionate interest and seen it through to the very end, no matter what the end. I wish I hadn't been so scared of failure that I never really tried to do something that I loved. And here we arrive at what everyone has been saying... Do something you love. There were many things that interested me in college, but I couldn't seem to bite the bullet, choose one, and go for it! I was afraid that I would pick the wrong thing. So I ended up with nothing.

Fear of failure can be crippling, and you must conquer it. I saw this great quote somewhere:

"What would you do with your life if you knew you could not fail?"

What would you do?

[LadyArya]

Do something you love.

Not to pick on Beeblebrox specifically because many have said this... but I find that statement beyond aggrivating.

Do what you love! Yeah, fabulous. It's good in sentiment, but not in reality since a lot of us in this situation don't know what we love in the first place. Heck, if I knew what I loved, I wouldn't be feeling so trapped. I'd know what to go for. Yet for a decade I've been searching for something that really gets me going... something I can really sink my teeth into... and I've come up with bubkis.

I have read so many books uttering that sentence that it makes me want to forget how to be literate.

It's like "What would you do if you won a million dollars?" What would I do? Take a nap.

[Beeblebrox]

Ah gee, don't pick me on me! ;) (Just kidding.) I would take a nap too!

I made the mistake of thinking that each person had a "true calling". One thing, one thing that you should be doing with your life. I never heard that metaphysical calling. Many things were interesting to me. But I never really gave any of them a chance. And I wish I had put some serious energy into one of those things.

[WildCherry]

I'm 21, And I feel the same way. Sometime's I feel stuck..no wait that's a lie, I alway's feel stuck. I just had a baby,and my boyfriend just broke up with me. I don't feel bad about it, just a minor mishap in the road. I keep saying Oh I want someone to care for me,and love me, but in all reality if I had those thing's would I be happy?I could remember when I was dating my bf i was depressed quiet a bit.

These things happen, females mature faster then men, so we're looking for a 'family' at a young age. I love my son, but sometimes I think I could do soo much more you no?But at the same time I wouldn't have a 'reason' to do so much more..

I never finished school,and i've always wanted to do that. Just now at 21 i'm getting ready for my ged.and then after that I'm going to college. just now!21 yr old high school graduate....i just now moved out of my parents, and let me tell you stay with your mom and dad as long as possible..It's 1)LONELY and 2)Exspensive!

don't worry your goals will soon fall into place, mine hasn't yet, but for the both of us, we're young, let's live, let's party and lets just 'date' dating is fun!I am going to start dating not looking for ANYTHING serious, just date...remember when we used to do that in highschool?Just date and only see our boyfriends at school,,well do somethin like that.

aS for college, some of the most smartest, interesting people I know didn't go to college until their 30's and didn't get their carrers going until the 40's late 40's sometimes...

You're not a failure at anything, there is just a bump in the road that we.and even I can't get over.
Everything will be fine, just keep your head up, and don't look back, it's hard but tell yourself the past is just that...the past you've been there, done that, got over it,and thereis no need to ever go back.

hope I helped:)

[Miss Katz]

This is a great thread and I'm glad someone started it. I believe in destiny, eventually you will live your way into it. Obstacles redirect you in life and I have a gazillion questions, but everyday I learn something new. There is no end to life, no end to our journey. It doesn't end with kids and marriage and a career. After you have that you will have more questions. Success comes in so many ways, some might not be seen by others because they are internal. I agree the media portrays people with so-called perfect lives and they feed off our insecurities to make money. Do things at your own pace, life isn't a race.

[Vgal]

Dear Trish & Kimbee,

Oh wow. How I could have written this post ten years ago or yesterday/today! And how I would give to be 24 again and have the extra time…. I’m 32 and still have no idea what I want to be when I grow up.

Guess what? Time waits for no (wo)man. I feel like the song, “Time keeps on slippin’, slippin’ into the future.” And here I stand 32 with NOTHING to show for it. Trust me, I have now completed TWO higher degrees and I still can’t seem to do what I want. Take it from me girlies, it doesn’t get any better if you drown in the whirlpool of indecision. All you can do is keep on keeping on and moving forward.

Here’s the no BS zone - First of all, try not to be pessimistic. I deal with that daily and I know how stifling it can be. Work around it, out of it, away from it. You’re young, you can do anything! The longer you dwell in depression and indecision the longer you stay in the quandary of “What should I do with my life?”, and the worse you feel, it becomes a cycle. Trish, if you’re in school there must be something that sparks an interest, something that you enjoy studying. For some of us, we are fortunate to have discovered that passion as youngsters or had mentors, for others (such as myself) it was a learning and discovery process. Some of us take more time to find the path we are destined for, I had to tell myself that I am on a different schedule than my friends. While I worried that I was the last of my GFs to graduate from school, etc. I realised that I had placed different priorities in my life. Working was a suitable alternative since I wasn’t ready to attend university at that point in my life. In a lot of ways I’m glad I waited because as an “adult” at 24-25 I was far more able to ENJOY my education far more than my 19 year old counterparts. They had no idea how much this knowledge was going to do for them in the future. The future for them consisted of the next keg party or football game. :lol: In any case, some experience and hindsight allowed me to feel fairly comfortable in my educational and career choices –things that would directly affect my future. People are in university at all different stages of their lives. Take pleasure in the learning and growth process.

It’s funny how you said you don’t want to wake up 30 and still be doing the same job. Hello, and welcome to my special place in hell! Granted I’ve had several different employment experiences, but I’ve been a secretary for about 17 years now, same shit different beaucracy. If you’re in school, look at each job as simply that, a JOB. That’s what I did. As long as it pays your bills, fees, rent, etc. just try to make the best of it. That’s basically what I’ve done for the past few years while I finished my Master’s. My goal was to complete school. Given my clerical experience I was able to find a rather cushy job working part time so I could focus the majority of my concentration on my studies. Meet with a school counselor and investigate what your options are, don’t just assume that because of your previous missteps in your educational career, that you are doomed to failure and mistakes. I know several people who were doing something professional in their lives because they were told it was the right thing to do or were forced by familial pressure and ended up doing a midlife career change. A complete 360. Be prepared for that eventuality. It could happen. So what? Does that make you a flake or any less deserving of happiness and success? I think not. What it means is you simply CHANGED your mind. How many of your classmates have completed degrees in a major and then got the dream job only to realise they hated it. The reality of something is often times much different than the fantasy of it. I had several friends who got degrees in something that once they actually started working in that particular field – HATED it. Quite amusing to me because they thought they had it all figured out. What I’ve learnt in my 32 years of being on this earth is NOBODY has it all figured out.

I’ll confide something to you, once I had set a timeline on myself. I wanted to be published or at least have a book deal in place, completed my Master’s degree, lost all my weight, and be living on my own by the time I was 30 or else I was going to kill myself. Yes, I said it. Let me tell you something else, out of all those things I completed NONE of them by 30. And yet, you wonder why am I still here? What motivated me to finish my degree and continue working hard to lose weight – the birth of my cousin’s children. I call them “My kids”. If it wasn’t for them, I’d be a ghost right now. Everything I do, all my work is for them. I work to ensure them a better future. If I had ended my life back then I would have missed out on ALOT of years of joy and spending time with them and influencing their lives. And I value and cherish that deeply. I have had an effect on little people’s lives in a good way and that’s the bestest feeling you can ever hope to have. If you give up now, and I’m not talking anything as dramatic as suicide, but I mean feeling hopeless and sorrowful you would never give yourself the opportunity to be that special person in someone’s life. To be the special person in your OWN life. You are denying the world, the cosmic universe the chance to enjoy you and your unique gifts and your talents would be wasted by wallowing in the black hole of depression. I should know, I’ve done it and still do it enough.

As a writer, I always say I’m writing the story of my own life. You get to choose the plot, the direction, the tone, the voice, the characters. You have a hand in the happy ending, or not. As far as men go, as much as I want companionship and hate feeling alone, I know deep down I’m not ready for a relationship. I’m not capable of handling another person’s needs right now. I couldn’t possibly ask someone to put up with my neuroses, when there are some days I can barely tolerate myself! I’m the last of the single gals in my closest circle of friends, a fact one of my aunts pointed out to me when I got the news my friend’s YOUNGER sister was getting married. All my cousins of appropriate age are married and with children. I’m like the old spinster aunt at this point. But it doesn’t mean I have become Miss Havisham! I went out and made more friends who are also single and share common interests – makes me feel less alone that we also share common problems of modern women. I enjoy my singledom for the most part because it allows me the freedom to do as I wish without having to subject myself to committee. When I’m ready, the universe will send me what I wish for, until then it keeps me in check. You only get what you need when you’re open to truly receive it, whether that be emotional, physical, psychological, mental, etc. When that happens change is possible.

[vavcon]

Misskimbee,

Your own expectations and timelines are made to be broken. When I was 21 I had my life all planned out. When those dreams were shattered, so was I. At 32 (33 in July, ohmygod where do the years go?), I am in a much better place *all around* than I could've even imagined at 21.

[kiszes]

I am intrigue by everyone's story.........but most of all by vgal.

I am 32 last January, am I happy at my achievements......hell no!!!!!!! Here in Jamaica our universities has students at the age of 40 ....50 yrs old doing their degrees or masters for the first time.

Afriend of mine once say to me, some people are late starters, some people are early starters...Give yourself time, make a list of what you want to achieve for the rest of the year and work on them one......one...Donot skip or get distracted, focus on each one at a time and in no time you will wonder when did I achieve this or get to this point, when before I was at zero. I know because I learnt this method last year, is it working..........HELL YES!!!!!!!!!!!!so try it.

[SurfRider]

[QUOTE=IvannaBFit]I also want to add: I am married. And we own a house. These things which some of you want, and I have QUOTE]

Dido! I am 30 and changing my whole life. I went to school, graduated in 3 years, went overseas and got an international degree, worked in business for 5 years and hated it! All that school for something I hated. I now am a teacher and working on my PhD in Clinical Psych. What I figured out (LATER IN MY 20'S) was that I love working with kids. The hard kine kids too!

Life is not about a set time limit for how things should go. My family was always hard on me about marraige and kids and what not. I had a hard time with that. Though I love my DH and my DS, they both came in MY OWN TIME! I have a hard time trying to please my family, but I am too learning.

OK, advice on living. Get a job, any job. Get your own place. Get an education. Now-a-days you can get it on-line, through extension, whatever. You can do it, but you have to WANT IT>

J