Self Sabotage

[CanadaBoy]

Hi Everyone!! :)

Can you relate?

I have always USED my FAT as an excuse to avoid doing things in LIFE. I have this HUGE list in my head of what I WOULD do IF ONLY I was in shape. Each time I get close to reaching my goal weight [and there have been a few times] I become very anxious, depressed AND afraid. [even more so than usual] What IF I still don't like myself - OR my life - once I reach my goal weight? [I ask myself] What if I reach my goal weight - and refuse to accept it? [still see myself as fat - in other words] When I'm overweight [as I am now] happiness is always just a few pounds away. I feel safe. [relatively speaking] But the closer I get to my goal weight - the more vulnerable I feel. In response - I begin to sabotage my efforts. I eat things that I should not eat. I skip meals. I drink less water, etc. I even DO things that cause me to become depressed - so I have an EXCUSE to eat. When I need to lose weight - I have the promise of a better life. But the closer I get to my goal weight - the less likely it seems as though that 'promise' will be realized. If NOT being fat doesn't make me happy - THEN WHAT will I do? How will I deal with that? Will I ever find the courage to find out? Intellectually - I realize that I'm probably being silly. But emotionally - this fear is very real.

I just needed to share that.

Thanks,
GREAT BIG HUG
Craig!! :)

[MsCarrieM]

I know exactly what you are talking about! In fact I recently restarted this WOE because I had gone carb crazy when I lost 50 pounds. I've spent my whole life fat and I don't know how to be thin, so it's a scary idea that I can even hope to get there.

The thing that I am working on right now is self acceptance and it seems to be working ok so far. I also have a darling husband that keeps showing me he loves me no matter what size I am, which helps.

[Mousesmom]

Craig, I understand what you mean. There are probably hundreds of posts saying similar things.

I'm close to my goal and I don't see what other people see. I sometimes see the old me despite the fact that I can look in a mirror or in my closet and can't deny the fact that the clothing in the closet is smaller (LOTS smaller!!), but it doesn't matter. "Sometimes" BTW is real progress for me - it used to be all the time. Less and less now.

This is a body image issue - I went to chat with a counselor about this who helped me some, but it really is up to me to change my self perception.

I don't use the distortion I feel as license to eat and regain what I've lost. My problem is that I fail to see my progress sometimes and only see how much is left to do. Another self perception issue...

Ask yourself WHY you are afraid to be thin. Is it because it's a new thing for you? Is it because you are afraid of the attention you will get? The higher expectations you put on yourself? Once you figure out the reason it is easier to help yourself.

Best of luck!!!!

Julie

[london]

Craig thanks for sharing...I think its a good thing that you are seeing this pattern now..and you can start to work on it and figure out what is going on...Good Luck and take care of yourself....

[rachelratz]

Good Grief! I can't beleive this. Do you want to live or do you want to die? I would think this is pretty clear. If you choose live, drop the weight and then vent in leasure your complete and utter dispaire. At least you will be alive.

[krisdee]

I'm only about 5-10lbs from my goal..doing well...but then the binge monster comes by..ruined,every time..the horrible cycle of 3 days low,low,3 days,low...feel great..1-2 days..high,high...anyone over come this cycle :help:

[gwuinifer]

Good Grief! I can't beleive this. Do you want to live or do you want to die? I would think this is pretty clear. If you choose live, drop the weight and then vent in leasure your complete and utter dispaire. At least you will be alive.

have you EVER been dangerously obese?

have you EVER been in a situation where your weight was ACTUALLY a life-or-death situation?

seems a little drastic, this comparison. i mean, maybe that's how you talk to yourself, but it seems kinda insensitive to me. IMHO, anyhow.

craig, i think your point is 100% valid. our culture has this friggin' BIZARRE equivalent going on- thin/attractive=happy/successful. its almost inexplicable. i think it feeds perfectionism, too; one feels like being thin is a puzzle piece that once you get it situated where it goes, the rest of the puzzle will become obvious (such as being organized, favored at work, a good parent, a good lover, etc).

this simply is NOT true. the rest of the puzzle might be just as confusing, being thin might be a border puzzle piece for you, might take some of the guesswork out, but it may not give you any leads at all on where to put the next piece.

but just like prejudice of any kind, you may not THINK you feel that way, like your life will work better if ONLY you were in good shape physically, but your actions can suggest otherwise, simply because of social conditioning. it is absolutely vital for you to recognize what you've voiced above as a fear. because it is the key to whether or not you will be successful in losing the weight, or keeping it off.

so in your mind, what happens when you lose the weight? tell me your idealistic fantasy, the one that fuels you. get that down in black-and-white, no matter how silly it may seem, or far-fetched. be as honest with yourself as you can. what will being thin change about your life, your opinion of yourself, other people's opinions?

when you have that written, try switching gears, and write down your worst fears. what's wrong with your life right now? try to interpolate the two visions, and imagine what will happen if NONE of the things in your fantasy situation happen, and your life is identical when you reach goal weight, only you are thinner. simply changing one's weight can't change baldness or hairyness, a big nose or one that's too narrow, being too short or too tall, being too shy or being overly assertive, having a bad temper or being passive-agressive, being an overspender, being lazy or a workaholic, and etc.
your significant other may still have a wandering eye. your boss may still think you're expendable. those jeans that now finally fit may look lousy on you anyways (for instance, one of my previous weight loss goals when i was younger was to fit into a pair of go-go boots, but when i lost weight and my ankles were small enough, my calves were too muscular and i still couldn't get them to zip!!!). will it be worth it to you?

think about it, let me know what you come up with.

[Mousesmom]

Good Grief! I can't beleive this. Do you want to live or do you want to die? I would think this is pretty clear. If you choose live, drop the weight and then vent in leasure your complete and utter dispaire. At least you will be alive.

Is it me or does this sound pretty harsh? It's one of those things where you can't interpret the intention behind the typed word... I'm hoping the intention was better than it sounds!

How are you doing Craig?

Julie

[IvannaBFit]

Good Grief! I can't beleive this. Do you want to live or do you want to die? I would think this is pretty clear. If you choose live, drop the weight and then vent in leasure your complete and utter dispaire. At least you will be alive.


I don't understand this post. If by "live," you mean "live without limitation," then I can understand.

If, however, you mean "live" as in physically live, you're way off base, as a six foot three man at 218lbs is hardly obese, unless he's from the Lindsay Lohan School of Dieting. :lol: