Depression - seems to be getting worse..

[epix]

I have been feeling sad and depressed a lot since about last fall when I moved to college.

I see so many people having fun and other people having relationships and I feel as though I am missing out and am very far behind everyone else. Everynight before I sleep I always think how far I am behind. It takes me 2-3 hours every night to fall asleep and I have cried myself to sleep (silently) each night for several months now.

I first started to share my thoughts with my roommate b/c he is probably my best friend. He has helped me immensly in the past with problems and giving me ideas to help myself. Although he has helped me he really wants me to visit a professional or tell my parents how I feel.. I am scared of this.

He encouraged me enough to talk with a girl I really liked and she started inviting me to a club she went to. This was dandy for a few weeks but she quit going and would never call so I always sat around expecting for her to arrive so we could leave (she would drive to the thing) Anyways I found out she quit going b/c she would instead go get drunk and get high. From this I really feel that I am such a boring/worthless person that she would rather do those things than be around me.

For a couple months after this I would just try to focus on changing and what it may do for me to make my life better. A friend invited me to a party and I went (my first party ever) and the hosts found out I've never drank before so I got pretty drunk that night b/c it was so much fun (although I knew it was going to hamper my weight loss). This was one of my favorite nights of my life ever.. My roommate was pretty mad at me the next day and told me it was 'fake fun' (he has never drank and doesn't like to be around drunk people.) I went again the next week and didn't drink and found it to be much less fun (I guess it is fake..)

Since then I have been really doing nothing and I keep thinking more and more negatively. I keep having the thoughts that nothing is going to change in my life so there is no point to keep going on.
I have taken medicine to make me feel sick a month ago b/c I felt that I deserved to feel bad.. Just this week I took some other pills and ended up being taken to the hospital by my roommate and needing to spend the night there.

I have never been to a professional, never taken anti-depressents, nor told my parents how I feel. I act around them and try to ignore the depression when I am around them. I am mostly scared of what they will think.. I fear they will be dissapointed in me or treat me in a whole different manner. My roommate told me today that he is scared of what I may do to myself and has said he is going to contact my parents which I have pleaded with him not to do..

I really don't know what to do anymore, I am scared of telling my parents, but also scared of myself. I keep hoping something in my life will change such as meeting a girl but in this condition I have no confidence to make that happen.

What seems to be a viable option for me to do?

[FabByFifty]

Hi and I wish you all the luck in the world. Please talk to your parents!! Please! Do not think that you can handle this, you can not! You need a support system right now, and your family is the best support system for you. They will not get mad at you. They will though, if something happens and you never gave them a chance. And they will be very, very hurt!!

If you would feel better to talk to a stranger about it at first, do as your friend told you and seek a professional! And if you in the end have to take an anti-depressant that is OK, it does not make you crazy, weird or anything that you may think it does. I makes you sane, and helps you though this bad time. I believe that you need them right now, so do not wait to talk to someone!!

I will tell you this, if you harbor your feelings and your emotions it is only going to get worse. It will not get better! Talking helps you understand your feelings and why you feel the way you do. I can not stress to you enough, TALK TO YOUR PARENTS, OR TALK TO A PROFESSIONAL!! YOU HAVE TO DO THIS!!

I am experienced in this kind of depression. I am not a doctor or in the medical professional, but I have lived with a young man that was depressed and he did not talk to no one, no matter how everyone tried to get him to talk. Not his parents, not his friends, not a professional.
If he had talked to his parents he would have been lead down the right path, and given the help he needed to seek professional help, but he did not. He was like you, the signs were there, but he hid his feeling in front of his family. So, no one had a chance to help him! He is not here any longer, and he was my son!
Give your family a chance to help you, don't hide your feelings from them!
I know what you are going through, and I know that you hurt, so PLEASE TALK TO YOUR PARENTS, THEY LOVE YOU AND THEY CAN AND WILL HELP YOU!
Hon, I wish you luck, and I hope that you listen to me.
Brenda

[dws1119]

Hello----
My heart goes to you. Please talk to someone. Sustained depression is not going to go away. I am a Psych Rn. I am also Bipolar myself. Talking with someone will help. If you don't feel comfortable talking with your parents go to someone on campus. I live in a small college town in Alabama. I don't know where you go to school, but most schools have some sort of health clinic. Don't be ashamed at your feelings.
I suffered many years because of the stigma surrounding brain disorders. I was not diagnoised until I was 40 yrs old. If you were having symptoms of diabetes or high blood pressure you would go to a MD. You are having symptoms of a brain disorder why not go to a MD too. It is an illness just like any other.
Also as for your drinking binge. Alcohol is a depressant. If you have these feelings before the alcohol does not work. it only makes the situation worse. You have had so many changes in your life over the past months. Going to school away from home is difficult. All you have been dealing with are stressors. Stress is stress--whether it is good stress or bad. Please take the time to talk with someone. Medication will help but it isn't the only thing. Talking is the key.
I also want to congratulate you on your weight loss. It is fantastic. You ought to be proud of yourself. I had to undergo gastric bypass surgery to reach my goal. My health was just too bad. You are doing it with changing your WOL. I applaud you.
If you need to talk just email me. I'll be glad to respond.

[FabByFifty]

Hi again! I just looked at your public profile. You have come a long way! You should be so proud of yourself! You could be one of the lucky ones that reach your goal, and have a success story in the success thread here.
You look fantastic and for a young kid, you have shown that you can commit yourself and succeed! Good For You!!

You are the same age my son was also. This is a bad age for depression in young men, so getting help to get you through this would be a wise thing for you to do. Believe me this will pass, the feeling, the unhappiness and all the bad days. You can get past this and someday with a little help now, you will look back and say "It really was not all that bad after all"!

Go to your parents. They will understand, and if you are that convinced they will not go to a professional, not a friend, a professional!
This will pass, I promise! :)

Keep me posted on how you are doing. You are welcome to go to my journal any time you need to talk. I will be there! :)
Brenda

[FabByFifty]

See you do have help! Dws1119 has given you very sound advise.
Listen to her, and the part about the drinking is true also, it is a depressant, it will never help you through this. Your friend was right it is fake fun with fake feeling. And dangerous in your case with you being depressed. Don't drink!
Brenda