Afraid to be thin?

[DebN2005]

Is anyone (else) dealing with a fear of being thin?

I have a long way to go but have so many issues around loss of power and feeling vulnerable. In the past I've intentionally re-gained lost weight because my body looked absolutely freakish to me.

And being fat if I got rejected socially I could pass it off on my physical condition. But I fear being "normal" sized and being socially rejected.

Those feelings aren't really surfacing at the moment. I'm just happy to have lost the few pounds I have. And I set my goal really high just so I could reach it without too much emotional discomfort. It's become too important to me to keep the weight off.

So if anyone is experiencing this and would like to talk about it I'd be happy to hear from you. PMs are OK too.

[IvannaBFit]

I think that sub-conciously I have a fear of being thin.

I don't want to be one of "those girls." I don't want people to stare at me. I don't want sexual attention from men. I don't want people saying how good I look or whatever (it's like, what? I didn't look good before??)

I'm also scared that I'll be ugly when I'm thin. I know what I look like now. I'm not beautiful, but I have the hope of being pretty. What if, when I get thin, I'm not pretty and I have no hope of anything like that at all?

What if my body won't be "thin enough" for me and I've reached goal? What then? Will I BE one of "THOSE GIRLS?"

What if my husband is more attracted to me? Will this mean he wasn't attracted in the first place? Will this mean he liked thinner girls when I was fat?

Will my friends be jealous? Will they hate me?

I have many fears!

[Servebeer]

I definately did go through this. I was in the army and was always right at or just above the weight limit. Then I'd start to lose weight through exercise and low-cal efforts. But I clearly remember when I started getting down to 190 lb I would stop my efforts. I didn't want to weigh less than that. I didn't want to be smaller, less powerful appearing.

I left the army almost 15 yrs ago and since then shot up to 400 lb. I'm back down to 300 lb and I've set my goal to below 180 lb, OK, I'll admit. I want to go to 175 lb. I think this time I really do want to go there and I really think I won't have the same fear of losing weight this time. I really think that but I guess I won't know until I get back down to around 200 lb.

[LCDancer]

Well, I've just started the LC life and I really don't know if I am still going to have issues or not when I get thinner. I know I feel "safe" somehow when I am fat and can be thought of as non-threatening to women and "not in the running" to most men. I don't have to be really good at life in general because I am already discounted as being too fat for most of life in general. Does that make any sense? I guess that means I am lazy, hahaha! Honestly, though, the one time in my adult life when I was really small, I kinda got very wild and promiscuous. I was quite young then and I think I have a lot more self esteem now--I don't have to sleep with someone to feel loved (wow that was a long time ago), but then, I was partying a lot then, too. I am still not sure how it is going to be for me emotionally when I start getting down close to my goal. I hope I have more sense this time around. Also, I have a wonderful fiance who has seen me lighter and still loves me this way...so I don't have to "prove" anything. It is cool you brought this up. I've been thinking about the emotional part of losing weight quite a lot during the past few weeks. Good luck on your journey.

[IvannaBFit]

I know what you mean about not having to be anything more than fat . . . when you're fat. Because, for me, when I'm fat I am trying to be thin. As I am losing weight, I am achieving things. When I'm thin. . . then what? Will people forget about my great accomplishment and think I am "doing nothing" with my life? I don't plan on going to college for a few years (I'm 25) because I'm happy with my career (graphic design) and I want to have children. We just got married and then bought a house and now I'm losing weight. But then . . . what then??? What will people think I am doing with my life?

I shouldn't care, and deep down it doesn't MATTER what people think 'cause I tend to do just as I please, but it does affect me what people think or say.

So as I am losing weight I am thought of as "strong" (especially since my mother just died in January) and focused and so forth, but . . .

[Bat Spit]

I'm in a place where I'm pretty happy with my life. I'm not worried about what men will think, because if my husband loved me at 480, I'm absolutely sure he'll love me at 180. My job won't be affected, and I have good friends whose opinions about me won't change. That part of life is good.

But I've never been thin, and very rarely ever 'normal' sized, and I find that idea a little scary. I'm concerned about disrespect from strangers, random attention from strange men, and having less physical power than I do now.

Working out helps with this some. I know I am gaining strength. I have plans to further increase my strength to be a very strong woman.

Also, next year when I'm closer to a normal size, I'm going to take some self defence classes. I think that will help my subconscious to feel more secure.

[Lowcarboli]

I just read your thread and I can definately agree. I have been overweight most of my life and now I am seeing just how alien it is for me the more weight I lose. I am extremely excited. My high was 335, now I am at 223. I am thrilled to be getting away from plus sizes, planning all of the cute outfits I will be wearing in the summer... but sometimes I catch a glimpse of me and I don't recognize myself. Or I notice the fact that I now have 86 year old empty, saggy breasts instead of 26, and a tummy that hangs with me and them saggy breasts when I bend over. I strength train regularly, but I know for a fact that I will invest in some cosmetic surgery. I consider it reconstructive surgery though. Reconstructing what I never had due to the fact that I have not been under 200 pounds since I was in the 5th grade (I was 5'6 then).

I am very interested in martial arts. When I get my endurance up, I will begin lessons. Try to be a black belt by my 30th birthday. Then if anyone tries anything, they will be in for a surprise! LOL :)

So I am also adjusting to the slimmer me. I never have been, whatever will I do with myself? ;)

[DebN2005]

What if my body won't be "thin enough" for me and I've reached goal? What then? Will I BE one of "THOSE GIRLS?"

What if my husband is more attracted to me? Will this mean he wasn't attracted in the first place? Will this mean he liked thinner girls when I was fat?

I have many fears!

Exactly! I have thought of a lot of those things over time and some of them really just kept me stuck.
My husband says he's loved me any way I am but he seems to be attracted to me when I'm thinner. There's definite issues when he's more attracted to me. Those are the things that need working out for me.
I was (in my eyes) too thin at my (previous) goal weight. I looked anorexic even worse than that. Bones stuck out all over. I truly have a large frame and won't be losing to that point again.

[DebN2005]

I didn't want to be smaller, less powerful appearing.

I can understand that being in the military. You really can't afford to be less powerful looking than the rest if you want to be taken seriously. I've seen that happen. I also saw people who had no fat on them be put out for being too heavy from working out. The military is pretty crazy that way.

[quote]I really think I won't have the same fear of losing weight this time.QUOTE]
Well, maybe when that time comes we could support each other through it. I dont' know what my fears will cause me to do until I get there either but I want to try to work on them now. I have a feeling that the fear is why I'm having to keep restarting on an almost weekly basis and I've only lost about 30% of what I need to lose. I'm pretty sure it's not cravings because I'm eating stuff that I don't particularly enjoy -- just high carb whatevers.

[DebN2005]

I know I feel "safe" somehow when I am fat ...Does that make any sense?
Perfectly! I know that feeling all too well. I've tended to use body size to keep people away in general. So I know that's the underlying problem. Just not sure how to cope.
Honestly, though, the one time in my adult life when I was really small, I kinda got very wild and promiscuous.
I had much the same experience back then. Having been fat nearly all my life I just wasn't prepared psychologiclly for all the attention. It got to my ego. And I just don't want that kind of life -- not that it would be a real problem at 50 years old so maybe it's just an unfounded fear.
It is cool you brought this up. I've been thinking about the emotional part of losing weight quite a lot during the past few weeks. Good luck on your journey.
Thank you and same to you. I'm going to be on this board for as much as possible. It has been an invaluable help to me so far. I think it's one of the factors that helps me keep getting back on program when I have a high carb day.

[DebN2005]

I shouldn't care, and deep down it doesn't MATTER what people think 'cause I tend to do just as I please, but it does affect me what people think or say.
I'd go with that. As women we are conditioned to be aware of what others say about us. And it's hard to fight that conditioning. But ultimately we can't change what others think or do or say. Sometimes it is a matter of just focusing on our own path and not on someone else's.

So as I am losing weight I am thought of as "strong" (especially since my mother just died in January) and focused and so forth, but . . .

First off sorry about your mom. I can't imagine what it would be like. I lost my dad at 30 yo and felt like an orpahan for a long time, but it's not even the same.

I don't know why people think people who lose weight are any more diciplined or strong. Sorry, but problems don't just magically disappear when someone is thin. I've been on both sides of that coin. I know people who are thin who have way more "stuff" than I do.
The first step to helping myself is to accept myself where I am *as* I am. The next is to deal with the emotions as they come.

[DebN2005]

Also, next year when I'm closer to a normal size, I'm going to take some self defence classes. I think that will help my subconscious to feel more secure.

That's a great suggestion! I never really thought about that. Years ago when I was thinner we took a course in Akido. It really boosted my confidence levels and I did go on to my lowest weight ever. Maybe it's time for another course...

[DebN2005]

I am thrilled to be getting away from plus sizes, planning all of the cute outfits I will be wearing in the summer..
Congratulations! That took a lot of hard work. The 3 or 4 times I was successful in the past it was the clothes that drove me ;)

I strength train regularly, but I know for a fact that I will invest in some cosmetic surgery. I consider it reconstructive surgery though.
I want to have the surgery too. But now it's for different reasons. I have back problems due to the extra weight up front for so many years. It's been a life long problem with me as well. I have no idea how I'll look when it's done. My body will be alien to me. It's scary.
Why doesnt' anyone address these types of issues instead of mentally flogging people to lose. It puts some of us in a world in which we are not prepared to cope.
How can I think like a thin person if (for all intents and purposes) I've never been one?

[tigerstar]

This is something that I’ve been thinking about recently myself. I haven’t reached the point in my weight loss where I’ve felt this yet…but looking at my past experiences, I noticed that a lot of times when I’ve dieted, I’d go off track after I started getting compliments from people outside my family. I mean of course I want to lose this weight, but maybe there is something subconsciously that wants me to remain fat so that I can remain “invisible”? I guess that’s also why I never wanted to cut my hair. My hair was my “shield”. I’ve only recently started to go a little shorter (maybe that was a subconscious step in the right direction?)

I don’t know what will happen once people start noticing I’ve lost weight. I don’t know what will happen when I start getting attention from the opposite sex. I’ve been this way all my life…I don’t know how I’ll adjust to living like a “normal” person. Will I panic and go running back to my old lifestyle and habits? I certainly hope not. But that’s what my logical mind thinks. What about my subconscious? This is certainly something I have to start thinking about. Maybe I'll try starting a private journal to work some of it out.

[starz3540]

I definitely have a fear of what will happen when I reach my goal weight of 140-145. I know that now I still feel, some days, that I still look like my 230 pound weight. I can't get over the fact that I don't have a tummy roll that goes over my pants, it feels, in my mind, that it's still there. I can't imagine people thinking that I'm thin or attractive. I know it's a terrible self concept or self image to feel this way about myself when my coworkers and friends are constantly telling me how good I look.

Another thing about when I was heavy is that I felt safe. Safe from male attention, safe from worrying about the foods I'd eat, safe to eat anything I wanted because it satisfied some emotional need I had, safe from worrying about my weight. I finally did get to the point where my size 18 clothes were all getting tight, I was filling out XL shirts, and I just got fed up with myself. At that point, I followed a low calorie diet and felt starved then went for the Atkin's diet when I bought the book and followed the steps of one of my aunt's who had lost 50 pounds on Atkin's.

There is no doubt in my mind that I am afraid to be thin and that may be why I've been stalled since last July (although I'm on induction right now and have lost 9.5 pounds and am no longer stalled). I have 20 to 25 more pounds to lose and have some thoughts of how I will feel at my goal weight but on the other hand, there's a part of my mind that screams because I'm afraid of what will happen and how I will feel mentally and emotionally at that weight.

Anyway, I think I've rambled on long enough about my fears. It's good to read the opinions and thoughts of others who are on their way to their goal weights.

[rachelratz]

I was different in the fact that when I was heavy, it was for a relatively short time. Most of my life I was thin. I was heavy for only a few years. I felt like I found a long lost friend when I dropped the weight. A lot of people here have been heavy/obese for a long time. I can understand how traumatic that can be....suddenly being thin...is a bit scary. But each one of you want to be thinner. I think emotionally you have to let go (along with your weight). It's great being thin. You feel and move so much better. You can live your life so much better. You should feel like that while you are on your way to your goal.

[Melanie4]

Like some others have said, I'm suffering a bit from the fear of the unknown. I was about 180-190 in high school, and never really thin before that. Sometimes I think my desire to lose weight - NOT down to thin beautiful body (I doubt that will ever happen), but to 'normal' - is a result of my shyness and insecurity. I don't like people staring at me because I'm fat. I don't want anyone to look at me at all. If I was a size 12 or 14, I could blend right into the crowd.
But it is still scary because I've never been there.

[rachelratz]

Think of it as saving your life. You are in fact. Sticking to this diet and keeping active will save your life. To hell what other people think.

[IvannaBFit]

rachelratz, i like your style :)

[jonsbaby35]

i keep looking at this web site and hoping something will rub off i hate to go anywhere where i have to eat in public go in public etc. that just fear i go out for work any way you were talking about fear of being thin i m kinda scared of what my family will think i have lost weight before and everyone was happy for me then it was comming back on it was total distain from my sister and relatives being nice to my face talking behind my back . relatives telling me to try weight watchers ugh so you see where im comming from i guess i dealt with your not perfect syndrome we avoid or ignore you
so right now im dealing with feeling and yes im afraid to be thin because i dont want to be come obsesseive about every thing i put in my mouth so im stuck
sorry this is so long and me broadcating my nerousis on here thanks for listening Elizabeth