Freedom!!!

[gwuinifer]

Culled from an FAQ with Dr. Agatston (author of The South Beach Diet) on Prevention.com:

_______________________________
Q: Should I continue to record what I eat? I feel like if I stop, I'll gain weight again.

Dr. Agatston: Do not record what you eat--this does not lend itself to a lifestyle.
_______________________________


I felt the shackles fall off my feet when I read this. It made me cry.
Its so true. It's what my problem has always been. Overanalysis... As if by understanding my problems I have already conquered them. As if I could control such a varied thing as emotional overeating with numbers in a notebook. Usually, it only made it worse, because it gave me more written evidence to pronouce myself guilty as charged, and sentence myself to a half-gallon of ice cream and a few days of gloom'n'doom. I resent my body for not complying with scientific fact and the laws of reason, after being an angel and treating my body like a temple for a few weeks/months, I desecrate it as it fails me, deserts me, leaves me isolated and confused and angry.

I feel like somewhere along this road is enlightenment, freedom from the binging yo-yo sick cycle of self-abuse and depression. Is that over-the-top mystical bull, or does anyone else sense that here?

[Judynyc]

Hmmm....I may not agree with the good doctor on this one. I am a compulsive overeater!! Recording my food has kept me in this plan. It helps me to stay accountable and it is teaching me how to do this.

At some point in time, I won't log it any longer but for now, its what is working for me!! :agree:

[C. Kay]

I have to disagree with the good Dr. also. Writing down what I eat has to be part of my lifestyle otherwise I do fall off the wagon. For me, if I don't write it down, I didn't eat it.

[tigerstar]

I think it depends on the person. If you're going to make yourself miserable because of what you wrote in your food diary, then maybe you shouldn't be logging your food. However, having a record might help if you stall or your weight loss starts to taper. You might not remember everything you ate for the past week (I can't even remember a few days back...)

My food journal helped me identify one culprit in my after-dinner snacking. I noticed that on days when I had chicken for dinner, I tended to eat a LOT after dinner. Now, I add a little more to the meal (extra veggies, and/or I'll "save" my cheese for dinner), and I don't eat as much afterwards on those nights.

I also found that it's been helping me lately to write out my menu the day before. I plan everything, down to the snacks. Of course, I leave room for change. But I feel that knowing what I'm going to eat when I want a snack has helped because "I'm hungry, what do I eat?" has turned into "I'm hungry, time to eat <snack on the menu>"

Still, if you're fine with not writing out your menus, then don't! Enjoy your freedom! :thup:
I think the Dr. would have been wiser to say "You do not have to record what you eat" rather than to just say not to. :rolleyes:

[Judynyc]

I've been giving this topic some thought. The doctor is a cardioligist not a behaviorist. I learned abut the tool of logging my food in my days of OA. Being that my destructive eating habits are behavioral in nature, I think that logging one's food is a personal choice, as Tigerstar stated.

If it doesn't work for you, then by all means, don't do it!! But just because he says not to do it, doesn't mean that its the right thing for all.

His food plan is fabulous!! I love it!! But my tools(logging my food) have kept me on his food plan, not the plan itself.

[pstar]

Hey Beachers,

Just stopped by to see what's going on (snoop?) at my old stomping grounds and couldn't pass up responding to this thread. As some of you may know I've done both...I've kept careful track by writing everything down and at times I've barely kept track. It depended on my need at the particular time. There have been times after I lost my weight that I needed to track everything I ate carefully in order to get everything back on track...times when I felt like I was drifting...or...when I actually started gaining weight when I quit smoking. I do agree with the lifestyle thing once you've lost your weight and/or moved to Phase III. You need to do anything and everything possible to make sure that your WOE is a natural part of your life style. The "lifestyle" thing is the reason I don't come around here much any more...the book, the guide, this forum, and my journal here helped me get my wings ...I need to learn to fly on my own. At this point I don't really think about it much other than when I come by here for a snoop...eating correctly is second nature... but...if I ever experienced a significant weight gain you can bet that I would be back here in a heart beat writing everything down and getting the support needed to get back on track. I think more than anything writing things down helped me keep my "head in the game" at the times I needed it most.

Have a South Beach Day!

Bill

and...Hi Judy, Skippie, Belly, and Monika (if Monika sees this)

[gwuinifer]

yeah, like that. that i can't imagine weighing everything i eat forever, that it's great while you're retraining yourself, and i agree its necessary in the beginning, especially if you've never dieted before and have little grasp on portion sizes.

but, what i want is not to "lose forty pounds." my goal is not that simple. if it was, i would have been happy when i had nearly done it before, been motivated by nearly reaching my goal, and stuck with it. i reach high in many areas of my life, and i am a VERY motivated person when it comes to something i really want. i KNOW about portion sizes. i KNOW about nutrition, and frankenfoods, and boy do i. i was in school to be a nutritional therapist, for crying out loud (naturopathic, in case you were wondering- i had kids instead!)

i guess what i'm realizing (not that meticulously tracking what i eat is "bad") but that somewhere in that behavior i've had since puberty is part of the cause that my eating gets so out of control. at the heart of it, i'm resentful. resentful that unlike the rest of my family and friends, unlike most of the people i know, i can't just eat normally and be content. i resent that food is the center of my life, my emotional crutch, my relational drug.

so to try and stop it from being that, instead of enjoying it (too much and too often, but whenever the urge strikes me) i try to hate it. the problem is, i don't hate it. i really like food! i'm a great cook, and i enjoy cooking for myself and for others. food is either my comfort or my enemy at any given moment. and that is what sabotages me! food is either a luxurious drug for me, or a toxic poison to be dosed in carefully tracked, tasteless preparations that i have to hold my nose and swallow. i resent that i can't find a balance, so i swing between the two. VICIOUSLY.

what i really want, more than anything, is to be free from it. free from worrying about it. to be thin enough that a weekend out endulging with my husband just makes my pants fit a little tighter for a couple days (imagine that being your only reaction!), makes me laugh and pout a little, but mostly is just fair play. not to leave me unable to fit in my pants (because they barely fit before, but i refuse to buy a larger size), and too depressed to try and buy new ones that DO fit, knowing that it will now take weeks of starvation and constant self-discipline to undo the fact that i dared to enjoy myself.

the only reason the atkins diet worked for me as long as it did was that i was able to maintain the necessary type of enmity with my food. i didn't mind keeping it under tight surveillance. i hated it. i still thought about food constantly. i hardly had any appetite because of the ketosis, and when it was time to eat, i couldn't stand the grease, so i hardly ate. except in the moments when the cravings/stress/guilt became too much to bear. for instance, when my stepdad walked out on my mom (who is crippled) after 17 years of abuse, and left her and my four little sisters and brother with no money, no running water, no car, with only me (the oldest by ten years!) to try and take care of her. so with a mighty emotional need for soothing/comfort that sugar/carbs had always offered me, and a mighty feeling of loss-of-control over my own life, i cheat. and feel bad. and then gain weight. and feel worse. not only is my life out of control, i'm out of control. but it feels good to try and numb the pain, and around we go.

i'm tired of being "the one on a diet." i'm tired of eating half as much as any of my family/friends and still outweighing them by half again. i'm tired of having to make food the center of my life, and by turns liking food to be the center of my life. i want to learn to make good choices, and like doing it. I LIKE FOOD THAT'S GOOD FOR ME, DARNIT! i honestly DO! some people hate it, but i really enjoy vegetables and weird legumes and handmade cheeses from Timbucktoo! and what this diet is offering me, for the first time, is the ability to eat the foods i really enjoy without feeling guilty.

i guess my goal is to eat to live, not live to eat. whether that be indulgently, or meticulously, its the same issue for me; my life still revolves around food. and i hate it. the idea of never having to say "i'm not allowed to eat that" again is like the holy grail for me. i look forward to saying, "eww. that's really bad for me. i DON'T eat that." and leaving it at that. and if i REALLY REALLY want it, and can't live without it, i want to be able to HAVE it, and not jumpstart a sick cycle of self-abuse by doing so!

the thin girls i know, they say when we eat out, "oh, i really shouldn't" when i offer them dessert. but they have some anyways if they want to! the operative word being SOME. and they just ENJOY it. they aren't controlled by it, not for negative or positive. and two hours later, they aren't still dwelling on whether they did or didn't eat that thing. i'm still suffering at that point, because at the moment i decided to eat the bad stuff at all, i decided to really go for it. and i stuffed myself to the point of pain. after all, i might not let that happen again for a while, i'd better enjoy it as much as i can while i have the chance...

its not the weighing or writing or counting that's bad. but for me, i think that doing it might be reinforcing this tendency in me. i've been on diets for as long as i've had my period. always some extreme type, some "lose twenty pounds in six weeks" type. i have a very good grasp of portions, food content, blood sugar, insulin reactions, colon health, brain chemicals, blah blah blah...

i want to change the focus of my days from weight loss and food lust, to everything else. to my little guys, who are growing up so fast. to my many hobbies that have fallen by the wayside while i've been yo-yo-ing for the past three years. to LIVING.

do you see what i'm saying?

feeling even crazier and alone than before,
~g

[Judynyc]

do you see what i'm saying?

feeling even crazier and alone than before,

I do see what you're saying....and I'm sorry you're feeling crazy and alone....

Because you're NOT alone or crazy!!!!

I totally identify with every one of the things that make you feel crazy. I too, was filled with anger and resentment and not being to eat like everybody else....The more I was angry about it, the more I ate over it...all the wrong foods too.

When I was 37 yr old, I was at my high weight at that time, of 187....I gained 100 lbs after that...all in the guise of trying to lose weight...I dieted my way up to 287, my all time high.

We each have to hit our own bottom, so to speak. When I hit mine last year....my resentment left me.....gotta run now...more later... :wave:

I have gained and lost the same 50-60 lbs 5 times since I hit 40 yrs old. I cheated my way thorugh each diet and it was always a diet because each time, I reverted back to my old way of eating .....and gained it all back plus a few!!

I'd like to feel that I've learned my lesson. That I did in fact hit my bottom because I did need to change...and my attitude was one of the main things that had to change!! When I began this time, I was no longer angry but willing!! Willing to learn...willing to be coached!! I no longer care about what I cannot eat or what I have to limit as I now feel and know that I do whats best for me!! :D

I hope this helps you !! :agree:

[gwuinifer]

*smiling, teary*

[Judynyc]

hope you are feeling better sweetie!! :there:

Big hug to you (((((gwuinifer)))))

[reowdy]

I knew I wasn't the only one to feel like this.... I knew I couldn't be, but you have no idea how good it is to hear someone else echoing what I feel..

It just isn't fair that my whole life has centred around food, as my comfort, and my worst enemy. That my weight has been the major contributing factor to my personality. Guilt, depression, self-consciousness and all that goes with being "big", and knowing that people just do not believe that you can't do anything about it.... so we keep on trying... and failing.... and hating ourselves more...

I have raised 5 kids I am very proud of, they have given me 7 fantastic grandkids.. why can't I just like myself for what I am.

Back here for the umpteenth time.... lost a couple of pounds recently... but I can't accept that this is permanent..... arrgggghhhhh.... (but hoping it is the start of a trend)(maybe)

So glad I read this thread.... hope to get to know you both a little better.

[Judynyc]

Welcome to the Beach Pam!! :wave:

I hope that you too, will find some sort of peace with your food!! :thup:

I wish you the best on your journey!! :D