Where's the logic??

[Lesle]

I consider myself a very intelligent, logical thinker. Yet, I can't seem to break the connection between my emotions and stuffing food down my throat!! This infuriates me beyond belief!
:q: How can being fatter help my terminally ill mother-in-law?
:q: How can feeling so stuffed I can't breathe help me cope with my pending divorce..even though I know it is the right thing, and it was MY idea?
:q: Why do I leave the doctor's offfice, and after having been told my cholesterol is even higher and diabetes is looming around the corner, do I stop at the grocery store to buy icecream and goodies to "comfort" me from the bad news???
:q: Why do I "hide" behind fat and use my weight for an excuse for a thousand different things i can't do?
I have recently begun reading about a 12-step program that claims foods (sugar, flour, and wheat specifically) are JUST as addictive as alcohol to some people! This really hit home for me. My brother IS an alcoholic, and my behaviors mimic his SO closely, except that my drug of choice is SUGAR. I am beginning to think that my eating habits are not just laziness, etc, but a true addiction.
I KNOW, logically, that i feel SO much better(physically) if I eat the way I know I should be eating..low carb, no sugar. BUT...
WHY CAN'T I MAKE MY LOGICAL SIDE SEE THAT?? :bash:

I don't have the answer, and I'm not expecting an answer here on the boards, but I'm pretty sure I am not the only one .....and I just thought I'd throw the topic out there for discussion. Maybe we can provide each other with a little insight?

[MillyG]

You seem to have all the information, but keep making choices that don't match your goal. You've already lost alot of weight. But you keep changing how you feel with food. Maybe instead of sugary treats, try new recipes with ingredients that make sense.

[jude]

Hi Lesle,

I hear you! You have some very heavy burdens now. I wish I had some answers for you, but there aren't any really....just more questions.

Why is it easier to keep up the negative habits and resist positive changes? Notice how great you feel when you stop procrastinating and do something good for yourself? Why are those "I deserve this!" milestones so few and far between?

I hope things get better for you, Lesle.

judy

[Jbbrennan]

WHY CAN'T I MAKE MY LOGICAL SIDE SEE THAT??

lesle,

not really being trained in anyway, other than to say that I, too, am a sugar addict in recovery :p :p :p and that I have never met a cookie I didn't like I just wanted to address the above statement. You can't force yourself to rationally change behaviors that have an emotional base (or trigger): eating (or drinking booze, I guess) well, putting stuff in our mouths is an emotional response (think babies with thumbs) so you can't take a response that hasn't changed since you were about two hours old and change it by "thinking about it" because half the time (if you are anything like me) the food is in your mouth and partially chewed before you even realized you were standing in front of the fridge!
of course, if I had this all figured out, my stats would look a little different, I'm sure :help:
I think one of the first steps for me happened when I was able to say (to myself) You just got (upset, pissed off, nervous, etc) now you want a cookie.
Rather than get upset and next thing I know, I'm standing there with a cookie in either cheek. half the time I was able to stop and say "I'm pissed off, I want a cookie" I wouldn't have the cookie, the other half of the time I would. But, I guess that's an improvement over 100% of the time eating the cookie. And, I'm sure it gets better/easier with time.
Just a few thoughts.
Jasmine

[Busyamom]

In my own case I've discovered this truism applied to my situation: "You can't cry when there is food in your mouth."

[Kristine]

Lesle, I'm sorry that you're going through a rough time. :rheart:

WHY CAN'T I MAKE MY LOGICAL SIDE SEE THAT??

I think your logical side does see it. The problem is that your emotional/reactive side is vetoing it, saying, "this is the solution I want." Obviously, food is a bad solution, but it at least temporarily "fixes" things. It calms and distracts.

Whether you consider it emotional eating or a full blown addiction, it defies logic.

The tough part is getting your logical side to win that battle.

[cs_carver]

Your "logical" side can't see it because you ARE an addict, and that is the nature of addiction. Exact same reason that a drunk drinks again, or a smoker picks up the cigarette. The carbs and sugar and etc. set up their own craving, and the fact is, after thousands of dollars of therapy and years of training, I STILL cannot resist a craving at the cellular level, ie insulin spikes.

SO: Just don't eat THAT stuff. You are clearly aware of the LC WOL. Use it. Binge on LC when you need to eat. It's not quite as satisfying, but a stomach full of LC ice cream works. Cheese. Pork rinds. Whipped cream. Cream cheese. Newman's Caesar Salad Dressing. The difference is that your head is not QUITE as fogged, and you are (one is, I am) just a little bit more able to deal with the problems of life. Little by little with effective action, the problems get solved, the stress gets reduced, there's slightly less pressure to eat, and progress gets made.

OA is a fabulous program and if it's available to you, it might be a good idea to hear what they have to say. Give it a few meetings; don't decide on the first one. If you really hate the Steps, then it just might be a sign that the Steps would be helpful in further reducing your stress.

If OA's not useful to you, you do qualify for Al-anon as well. Addiction runs in families and it's not at all uncommon for it to present as a food addiction in women while the men go out and drink. Why those switches get thrown the way they do, I don't know.

If beating yourself up isn't working, it might be time to try something else.

Good luck.

[GrlyGrl]

I believe it comes down to our basic drives -- to seek pleasure and avoid pain. I think with overeating and some other behaviors, we get some immediate pleasure that helps mask pain (emotional or physical) and reduce stress. Even if we don't currently get pleasure out of overeating, we must have at one point in the past. Although that behavior may not "work" anymore, it is difficult to unlearn.

I always remember reading about a study done with rats (or some animal - I forget which) where the scientists caused a chronic pain. The rats started overeating and getting very fat.

I think some of a human's emotional eating is rooted in the more primitive parts of our brain. We have evolved to the point that we recognize it is not rational -- but it is quite another thing to fight such strongly wired behavior. The best strategy (I believe -- and I am a just marketing director not a psychologist! so it is just my opinion) is to find substitute behaviors. At least, that's what has worked for me to fight my emotional eating.

[Lesle]

Thanks for the replies and insights. We humans are complex creatures, without a doubt. So strange how some of us become addicts, some of us handle our "issues" by running, or temper tantrums, or confronting the issues head-on, or by getting into dysfunctional relationships.
My sister, who is also a food addict, and I are trying to talk out what might have started all of this in us. My brother is an alcoholic, my sister and I chose food instead. Neither of us remember any abuse, sexual or otherwise. We both remember being quite poor, but never going to bed hungry. We plan to continue in our little "therapy" conversations till we figure it all out....and we joke that we might be 90 before that happens! But the nice part of it is, that we have gotten even closer than we've always been because of our conversations. We try to include our brother sometimes, but most of the time he isn't interested.
Thanks for the heads-up about OA. I have been to their website a few times, and I also discovered a group called Food Addicts Anonymous. It's also a 12-step program also, with online meetings and lots of sharing on the bulletin board. It amazes me how many people there are out there that have various twisted relationships with food.
I chose a low carb way of eating because I know (again, the LOGIC..lol) that a low carb diet will keep the family history of diabetes away, plus physically I just feel better eating this way, PLUS the scale actually moves DOWN! But whichever "diet" I chose just treats the outside symptoms so to speak. I need to keep working to treat the cause :thup:
I feel both very jealous, and yet very happy for, the people on this forum who just simply didn't know how to eat correctly, and once they learn the right way, they just seem to cruise thru this WOE. For me, I think there will always be "issues". I just have to love myself enough, and care enough to be a better example for my kids and sweet grandaughters.
One of the ladies who post on the FAA board uses a mantra I've decided to adopt as my own....it really describes how I need to think about my relationship with non-healthy foods...."One bite is too many, and a thousand is never enough". I couldn't have said it better myself.
Life is good...
LESLE, who is back on track for the last 2 weeks by the way.

[cs_carver]

I've had bouts of that. I have to work to remember: I don't know what's going on in the rest of their life; I don't know what's happened in their past or future lives (if you want to throw that option in the mix), and I don't know what's coming up ahead for them or me.

As a result of learning to deal with my addictive behaviors over the past X years, I am a MUCH happier 45-year old today than MANY of my age cohort. So some of them have never struggled with eating, but I don't know that they have the internal "emotional muscle" to handle some of the challenges that come to everyone if they live long enough.

As to why anyone becomes an addict: The longer I live (and as various members of my family die off), I'm finding there's WAY more addiction in the family tree than I ever imagined, or was ever discussed when I was little. More acceptable to talk about now. There's also the random mutation option--maybe it was something in the water your mother drank before you were born. "Why" hasn't proved very useful for my recovery, in other words. "What do I do now that I am," however, gives me something to work on.

Good luck. Hope it stays stable.

[Lesle]

I certainly didn't mean to say that other people on the forum, or anywhere, don't have their share of problems to deal with, bad relationships, health issues, etc. I was just noting the difference between someone who might not have known how to eat correctly....and those of us who deal with food on many levels other than as nutrition. I hope no one thought I meant to downplay the things that they have to deal with.
I am trying to use a lot of "self-talk" too, to communicate with my logical side...just taking a few minutes to breathe, or cry, or drink a big bottle of water, before I decide if buying that pint of ice cream is what I really want or not. Of course, not having any of that junk in the house any more helps a lot too. I am in the process of a divorce (see, I have other issues, too..lol), so at least I am in total control of what's in my kitchen. THAT has really helped a lot! I never got much support at all from hubby, and he didn't even try to hide the fact that he was eating ice cream or half a bag of M&Ms....almost as if he enjoyed taunting me with them. That's one of MANY reasons I no longer wanted him here.
I'm doing pretty well at the moment. I had gained a little again during the final throes of telling hubby I wanted out, so it will be a while before I get back to the 203 I have posted on my profile. I currently weigh 213, but I'm not going to change that profile, that number is MINE, and I will see again soon!
Thanks for the pats on the back..
Lesle