I been thinking lately......

[BAM0782]

That I'm scared of losing weight. I know that's totally insane but I really am. I"ve been overweight enough to get made fun of since I was about 8 years old. For anybody counting, that's nearly 14 years now. I mean I hear (read, whatever) people talking about remember what it was like to be thin & how they used to be or how they can see they're true personality coming back. But I can honestly say that I pretty much don't know what it's like to be thin. It's been so long since I was a "normal" sized person that it scares me to change so much. As far as personality goes, ever since I can remember pretty much, people have been making fun of me for something, being fat, being smart whatever. So I don't know what my true personality is. I dont' know, I guess I just needed to get that out. Thanks for listening.
BAM :rolleyes:

[DarthRaidr]

No, it doesn't sound insane.. Change is scarey, whether its changing your hair color, address, style,(my hair is still stuck in the 80's) and weight.
It's hard when youv'e been one way for so long, I'm sure you have your own clothing stores and maybe even sales people who you feel comfortable w/..soon that will have to change, your friends/families reactions may be different and not what you expect(women can be catty)
Being thin isn't a 100% feeling of greatness, it's how you are treated and how you treat others. And health wise it is better, but if you go into a depression and stress over what others may think or that you won't be able to handle it, well that's just not good at all and you'll be setting yourself up to fail.
what is the reason for you wanting to lose weight in the first place??? If it's for health, then a visit to your DR may be in order, B/c the Atkins plan is high in fats and cholesteral.
(boy I'm going to catch heck for that here)
It's ok Bam.. just start, don't expect miracles and be positive and also this group is very helpful, I only found it a few days ago , but it's nice to chat w/ fellow weightfighters and get new recipes. Good luck...And I hope I didn't comeoff as a know it all.

[SeeMyself]

As far as personality goes, ever since I can remember pretty much, people have been making fun of me for something, being fat, being smart whatever. So I don't know what my true personality is. I don't know, I guess I just needed to get that out. Thanks for listening.
BAM :rolleyes:

Bam,

People can be cruel, and a lot of people are, but those are not the people you want to listen to. When I was younger people made fun of me too, my nose, my feet, my name, the list is long, some people just wanted to hurt me for no reason I knew of.

All I can tell you is what I have learned, and believe me it took awhile to learn and that is, for me, I had to look at me and start to like/love me for who I am and quit trying to "please" others. Find your inner beauty, look INSIDE, not outside, YOU have wonderful qualities, WE all DO, find them and nurture them and show them to the world whatever it might be, brains, sense of humor, creativity, whatever, WE all have our own qualities, look within yourself not for others to tell you who you are, and when you find within yourself a love for yourself it will show to others. Being thin doesn't mean happiness, strive to be healthy with your eating and find your "inner" piece.

[45acp]

HI bam! Welcome to the board!

But I can honestly say that I pretty much don't know what it's like to be thin. It's been so long since I was a "normal" sized person that it scares me to change so much.

SO LETS FIND OUT! Set your mind to it and do it. Thats what I had to do. I am setting here at the computer watching my wife, who used to be a size 22/24 try on clothes that she bought dirt cheap at a garage sale this morning. She is now into a size 14, and her personality has compleatly changed. She used to wear my t-shirts and sweat pants! Now she is wearing what I call hip huggers and tight little shirts! Totaly differant person! (for the better)

Please don't be scared to change. Face the challange head on and do it for no one but yourself. I am telling you, you will feel so much better when you lose weight. You have allready lost 15 pounds! Thats a great start! Start making your goals 5 pounds at a time. Start yourself a journal and keep track of whats been going on in your journey! Stop by my journal and have a look around, but you better say hi!!!!! :D :D

I see that your interest include Church stuff, photography! I knew there was something I liked about you!!! I am one of our Churches youth leaders and I am really getting into photography. I just bought a totaly manual camera a couple weeks ago. I am tring to learn more about f-stops, shutter speeds and exposure. Any way, thats enough of that.

Heres to your heath, Bam

Take care,
-Phil

[Iowan]

Bam

My husband ( 45acp) has just told me about your post & I wanted to come here & introduce myself. I too have been made fun of because I have been overweight for many, many years. I can understand why change would be scary, but change is also a very good thing. As soon as I started losing this weight I came out of my shell, I started feeling more confident. Not only am I am healthy person now, I am also now the SMALLEST person in my family, instead of the largest.

I guarantee that if you give this your all, you will not regret one minute of this, and that you will LOVE your new transformation. Living in my body weighing over 200 pounds was rough, I had very little energy, and I just had horrible self esteem, I am now almost in the 170's and I am full of energy & life. I was always told "you would be so pretty if you would just lose the weight" peope are cruel! I am just glad that I did this for MYSELF, because I am worth it, and honey you are too!! Change is a good thing :D

Please start a journal, and let us help you through this journey! You are off to a great start hon :bhug:

YOU CAN DO IT :cheer: :cheer:

Love,
Hillary :)

[simplydawn]

Hiya Bam! ::::::::waves to everyone :::::::::::::::


Not insane a thought at all, in fact, I just posted something that alluded to this very thing just the other day.. about fear....

I, too, have never been 'thin'...have lived with the constant ridicule over the years.. etc.. and then actually went the other way, and became a proud Big Beautiful Woman.... and basically covered up the feelings of being out of place in my new found acceptance of me on the outside...

But its all fads..whether I am a thin person.. or BBW... on what society accepts and doesnt accept...and it truly does boil down to health. Being my healthiest at whatever weight is best for me. Living a longer life, a healthier life not only for myself, but for my family.

So..I guess what I am trying to say is.. Face your fear.. it gives you courage to move forward and do what is right for you......and stick around this forum...cause there are alot of sweet folks here, that really truly care about helping you to be motivated, to encourage, and to cry with ...laugh with and even ..yes.. to scream with!

Keep in touch!


Love and Laughter,
Dawn

[cs_carver]

No need to rush into a life you're not ready for. Lose a little, eat a little more but LC and hold that weight until you're used to it. Then cut back your portion sizes and lose a little more.

Truth is, a lot of what you're going through is common to anyone your age, although it may not seem like that. There's a lot of redefining as people get into the full-time work force, out of school, away from full-time support of their families.

I have to sneak up on my fears and ease into new body shapes if I'm going to be able to hold them. I can recall being overwhelmed with new-to-me attention from men when I lost weight too fast before, and it can take a long time to get over that shock. I can promise it won't take 14 years to live into a new way of life, but it doesn't have to happen in 14 weeks, either.

[MeltingFst]

Bam, You might want to read the book "Passing for Thin" by Frances Kuffel. I'm about half way through it & she addresses the exact fear you talk about. She even mentions how the way others perceive her changed (her mom said, oh gee, now that your losing weight, guess I'll have to do something about mine). I've found it very candid & helpful in this area. It made me think that other people are more afraid of people like us becoming thin, than we are ourselves.

As for those idiots making fun of your personality traits, it really ticks me off, they are totally JEALOUS! For what its worth, life has a way of getting even with them. One day someone is going to make fun of something they love & its going to hurt, hopefully they'll remember they brought it on themselves & they'll become more compassionate & less judgemental. I hope you get thin in your body & become a powerhouse in your self-esteem & show them all!

[Amazlilith]

Bam,

I am right there with you...I have ALWAYS been a big girl. I understand the feeling of being scared of becoming something you never have been and the fear that you may never get there either. I look in the mirror everyday and still see the same me. You will find that you are not alone in your fears...I agree start your journal (if you haven't already) and put all these fears down...:)

[Lessara]

I'm 40 and really never had men find me attactive. I always blamed my fat.
What I fear is that when I lose my weight, men still won't find me attractive.
I fear I'll always be alone. Not to feel loved by another adult. So you see I know where my first fear comes from.

But what I do understand is that some where deep inside, I still look love outside my own self. I look for affermation outside myself. When I should just listen to the woman in me. Oh I guess why I feel this way. I'm told daily by the outside world that a 40 year old, fat woman has nothing to offer a man.
It would be nice to get equal messages saying that its not so.
Wouldn't it?

[Bob's Girl]

I think it's a good thing and a step in the right direction that you admitted you are scared of losing weight and being thin. Now you can move through that and work towards a healthier you!

Good Luck!! :D
Leigh

[Charlaine]

Wow, you've put words on my feelings...

I will HAVE to be just like everyone else? (Or my perception of what EVERYONE else is...) What about my identity, what differs me, the very few cool clothes I found that I won't be able to wear again, the condescending attitude I've developped towards the "regular" fashion styles, the safety impression of not being attractive after dark on the streets so that I won't attract bad events, what if I lose all of the weight and then put some back on and people think that I "just wasn't meant to be thin"...

Wow. Hit the nail on the head there.

Charlie

[cs_carver]

My experience:

1. I am in the process of clearing my closet at the rate of five hangers a day. So far, there is one very cool dress that is too baggy, a lot of things that used to be OK but are too big now (I get to sleep in silk nightshirts next winter, though!!), and a VERY strange finding of not liking the silhouette I have worn forever, nice shirt, gauze skirt. I want more fitted clothes. I need to re-examine that cool dress to see if I can take it in and wear it for a little longer.

2. I'll probably never wear "regular" fashion but it sure is nice to have a choice that isn't "tent" or guided by a need to handle a 20# weight swing.

3. I don't believe it's attractiveness that generates bad events on the street. Admittedly, I'm 6' tall and project a rather kick-butt attitude and don't get hassled. I got a lot of useful information from The Gift of Fear, by Gavin de Becker, and I recommend it to anyone who could use some additional information about staying safe.

[Jeffrey_]

I'm 40 and really never had men find me attactive. I always blamed my fat.
What I fear is that when I lose my weight, men still won't find me attractive.
I fear I'll always be alone. Not to feel loved by another adult.

You are very pretty and have a nice smile and bright eyes!

I think it would be easy for a man to fall in love with you.

[loserbaby]

Hey Bam, not a weird thought at all. For many people (like myself), being big was a deffence mechanism against others. I had some abuse in my childhood, and I stayed fat because it ment that men would hopefully naturally want to stay away. When I finally admitted this to myself, it was easier to start becoming thinner and not sabotage my new WOE. I was also scared that I would lose my identity. Well, I've lost more than 100 pounds, but I'm still very much the same person. I still have all the same issues, and all the same talents, just in a smaller package. I think that you will find that except for increased fitness and health, you will also remain the same smart person you were before. But as for not knowing who you really are yet, don't sweat it. Most of us in our twenties still haven't figured that one out.