Non supportive family, I've had enough

[Shazzer]

I'll start off by writing that I used to have reactive hypoglycemia and struggled every single day to maintain *normal* blood sugar. This meant binging on high sugar snacks and in general running the uphill marathon to feel well. Since low-carbing, specifically cavewoman style, I cured my hypoglycemia and feel fantastic. In the broader picture, I have PCOS and mine is genetic as both my mother and sister have it. All of my other symptoms of PCOS are gone except for hair issues. Fantastic, right?

I couldn't be happier. So I finally cleaned out my closet and I had all of these unopened test strips for my glucometer that my insurance company sent me (I have not tested my blood sugar since October). Since my mother has the same glucometer, I packed up the sticks and gave them to her. When I handed her the bag, she asked me why I would give away the strips. I told her and her comment to me was "You'll eventually need them. You'll be a diabetic. You can't avoid it."

Argh. I told her she had no faith in me if that was her only comment. She knows the struggles I've been through. She's been through them as well. And I've told her everything about my diet. I'm livid right now. I don't know if it is jealousy or resentment or what. My own mother dooming me to fail . . .

[TwilightZ]

Try not to be discouraged. Of course, I don't know your mother's personality, but on face value I wouldn't take her comment as jealousy or resentment or an insult to your personal capabilities or enthusiasm. She most likely cannot conceive that once anyone is a diabetic he or she can ever escape it, especially when it's "coded in the genes." And when you live in a world of doctors, it's hard to believe that anyone could ever heal himself, no matter what proof you show. My in-laws are this way and all you can do is just go with the flow--it eats at my wife, but if you let it bother you, you're the one who will suffer. All that matters is that you are healthy, and maybe someday your mother will see the light. By the way, congratulations on your success.

Howard

[TBoneMitch]

Don't worry...diabetes is a disease of civilization, caused by neolithic foods...so as long as you stay paleo/low carb, you'll be fine...congrats on your results! Keep at it!

[nela]

Most people don't understand our way of eating, but that doesn't imply she's jealous or anything, just that she doesn't understand.

My mother in law (who is overweight) tells me to "eat". When I inform her I had bacon and eggs with sausage for breakfast and that I've been eating this way for months, she still thinks it's weird!

She can see my weight loss, but she doesn't agree with my method. For her it would be more logical to starve myself on a low calorie diet and still have a tiny piece of her cake on Sunday family lunches! She also tries to tempt me with cakes, cream, etc. saying that I "used to love them so much". To which I reply "I love getting into my small jeans even more!". Sigh.....

[Hellistile]

Shazzer: Your mother has been brain-washed, as have billions of other people on this planet, by conventional medicine and the media. Don't even try to change her mind if you value your sanity. My mother is the same since she was diagnosed 20+ years ago with high cholesterol. She is now a walking carbohydrate and is slowly committing suicide. Telling her to eat protein and fat are so foreign to her she can't even mentally absorb it (she is fast slipping into Alzheimers and I attribute it to her diet).

Concentrate and dwell on all the positive things that have come about as a result of your new lifestyle. Silently grieve for those loved ones that will not/can not see "the light."

[arcticslug]

I've had similar problems, Shazzer. Sometimes it really gets me down. My family is really quite supportive about my choice of eating habits, but my friends are a different story. It is so hard hanging out with them because we always need to go out to restaurants for pizza, hamburgers etc. Often I just don't want to eat anything because I don't want to eat these foods. ARRRGH. Specifically I have one friend who says he's "joking" but makes fun of my eating habits and thinks it is really funny to joke that I am an anorexic. I'm no where near too skinny, my weight is fine, but he's always joking about it. IMO this is not funny at all, especially since I have some very close friends with eating disorders. I am just trying to eat properly and it bugs me so much.

At the moment I actually feel sick from eating ice cream and mexican tortillas that my new roommate made last night... :(

[Shazzer]

Thanks for the support. Most of the time I don't talk about my diet to people. They don't understand or only offer support in an obvious mocking tone. I went out for a late dinner with some people while visiting my fiance. When I said the word 'Neanderthin,' virtually everyone broke out in laughter at the diet.

At least I know I'm healthy. I wish people would understand, but I know it is a hard battle.

[toopoles]

I think it's hard, with family especially. I watch my mom and dad and they are so pleased with being a lower weight and being as healthy as they know how to be and it frightens me when I see what they are eating. They don't understand that some of the foods they are eating are taking their energy and making their illnesses worse.

I don't stand a chance explaining to them, even when I try. My mom insisted upon buying me bagels to eat with what I was having, even though I was much happier without. :lol: I wish there was a way that my parents could be made to understand that low fat is bad for them. Marty

[AiA]

Thanks for the support. Most of the time I don't talk about my diet to people. They don't understand or only offer support in an obvious mocking tone. I went out for a late dinner with some people while visiting my fiance. When I said the word 'Neanderthin,' virtually everyone broke out in laughter at the diet.

At least I know I'm healthy. I wish people would understand, but I know it is a hard battle.

I learned from my long experience with Macrobiotics and now Neanderthin not to talk about my way of eating. And when people ask me now how I am so slim and fit and look so young I just say I eat whatever I want. And that is the truth!

[Signey]

Hi,
I was recently diagnosed with type II diabetes and the doctor told me that once you are diagnosed with this disease it is inevitable that you will get worse and that you will have to take drugs to control it. No escape. Period.
I was floored! Fortunately I was already a member of these forums for a year and half before I was diagnosed. I knew better. The problem here is that most people take what their doctor's tell them as solid fact. No doubt your mother has heard the same thing from her doctor.
Stay away from the ADA diet and the "approved" Food Pyramid and you shouldn't need those strips. But you know that. ;)
Signey

[AiA]

I know a guy who had been overweight all this life and lost it all and is now an avid runner not to say quite slim. But the abuse this guy got! You would have thought he did something wrong by losing all that weight

[arcticslug]

I have just told my friends that I refuse to eat grains and sugar because it affects my skin and mental health. I adamantly refuse to eat them. Because I have such a strong will and am very serious about it, my friends don't bother me about it anymore. It just took confidence and truly believing in this WOE. They have seen me depressed and know that it's not pretty. I honestly don't worry about getting depressed as long as I'm eating this way. I worry about MYSELF when I can't eat the way I want. If someone doesn't understand I just won't let them be in charge of anything I eat!

[ezandreth]

my father has type2 diabetes, as do all his sibs who lived long enough.
And when i told my doctor, even though he knows I do low carb and is pleased at the weight I've lost, his reaction was "If you're going to get it, you're going to get it."
He thinks I've lost what I have because low carb translates into low-cal, and thinks I should still cut my fats. (He wanted to put me on Xenical a couple of years ago, around the time I started Atkins.)
Am I the only one who sees a slight illogic here?
Zan

[mio1996]

Yeah, it reminds me of a book I saw not long ago. It was called Reversing Diabetes or something like that, and I immediately (and foolishly) thought it was a low carb book. When I opened it I found out differently. It basically said that diabetics should eat mostly carbs. Huh?

[Hybrid]

I guess that's the upside of being 375 or so when I first started in 1998. Even when I restarted at 319 this August, my mother was still pushing for gastric bypass. I guess when you're "not gonna see fourty" obese, anything you do is praised.

I think I may have frightened my aunt, though. She said she was proud of me because she knew how hard it was. I immediately and fervently corrected her, because although I had understood the premise of NeanderThin, I still was shocked by the reality of the ease at which I was dropping weight without any real exercize and without counting carbohydrates. I simply couldn't confirm her perception of dieting as being a difficult chore when I was never hungry and eating a high fat, high calorie diet.

My co-workers are supportive, in that they want me to give them the treats I'm offered. It's nice to have the illusion of generocity.

Still, I quit the first time primary because of the ridicule I got from my friends. And when my loving and supportive girlfriend offered constructive criticism, I exploded at her. I've distanced myself from my old friends, and I do take my girlfriend's advice to heart a bit more, although we've agreed for the sake of peace not to argue about diet.

[sambalam]

shazzer, i too suffered reactive hypoglycemia and thanks to lo carb have been able stabilise my blood sugars. it's a pity your mother doesn't support you but she doesn't know what she's talking about - you know what's best for your health because you practice it. if you told people that you had been diagnosed as allergic to wheat and could go into anaphylatic shock if you ate it, would they ridicule you then? would they be supportive? who knows? but the bottom line is, you don't have to explain the way you eat to anyone. it's your mouth and your stomach, you put in both whatever you please. no one can make you eat something you don't want. be strong for yourself. i never tell people anymore that i eat paleo, i just say, i don't eat anything that is processed in any form and i have an allergy to wheat (well i break out in fat if i eat it, but they don't know that!!).

[rissa]

My family has this certain way of thinking - its only good if it works for them. I have one sister that has always done well dieting the low cal/low fat way. It worked for her - so that was the only way to do things. Well, as she's gotten older, she's realizing that it doesn't work for her anymore. She finally tried south beach and that worked for her. My mother's way of thinking is to hear what's in the news and what causes people to lose weight and applying that to herself for a short period of time. The problem being that she only applies what's said in the news, which is "the dangerous parts" - so her idea of atkins was to eat just meat once a day, and nothing else - TOTALLY not healthy. Sure, she lost 100 lbs - but it was because she was malnourished - which was evident by her uncontrollable blood sugar, her sleeping all the time, zero energy and the fact that her hair was falling out faster than someone on chemo. So she decided to add foods into her diet. Her new "atkins plan" was the one meal a day of just meat with a few veggies, then sitting on her arse and eating donuts and cookies all day and not being able to figure out why she was still lethargic, losing her hair and now gaining weight. They never research anything - they never do anything fully. They can't stick to anything for a meaningful period of time. So when I started, I was doing well. I worked very hard, lost 50 lbs and was healthier than I had been in my entire life - they insisted that I must be dying on the inside. I wasn't. I was perfectly fine. My problem is sticking to things when things get stressful - especially when things are financially stressful - I think it stems back to when I was a teenager and had to live with my mother. We never had any food - I mean seriously. I lived on rice and popcorn for an extended period of time - because that's all I was allowed to eat. I was always so hungry and not sure when the next food would come in, I ate as much as possible. So when finances get strapped (like they are now, because my husband got laid off from his job) I get the compulsion to eat everything - I even ate popcorn last week - I haven't eaten popcorn in 15 years. I don't know how to get around this mental issue. Its not just me that gets affected by this. One of my sisters, when she found out she was pregnant, she started buying baby food and formula right away. She bought so much that, she still had plenty left over to feed her second child after the first one was already on solid foods and growing. Its an obsession with us - even though we're on our own, we still don't have that feeling that things will be okay - because of what happened in our childhood. Anyone else have to deal with anything like this? Is there any way to overcome this?

[sambalam]

hey riss, i have a similar problem, in that when i get affection i want more of it, when i don't i freak out badly and can't cope with 'rejection'. comes from having a very erratic mother who would be uber affectionate or not depending on her alcohol intake. i suggest reading a book called 'They F*ck You Up' i can't remember the author's name off the top of my head (it is a US book), but it really helped me see the way my parents influenced me as a person and so on, how to change the behaviour patterns. awareness of why a problem is there is always the first step. i've had counselling too, which was hard for me financially but worth it in the end. i'd like to do more but am not able to afford it at this stage. i think you realise that you are acting on something that is very ingrained in you and deprivation is very hard to get over, whatever form it took. i personally believe that good quality counselling may break through the behaviour pattern.

[rissa]

hey riss, i have a similar problem, in that when i get affection i want more of it, when i don't i freak out badly and can't cope with 'rejection'. comes from having a very erratic mother who would be uber affectionate or not depending on her alcohol intake. i suggest reading a book called 'They F*ck You Up' i can't remember the author's name off the top of my head (it is a US book), but it really helped me see the way my parents influenced me as a person and so on, how to change the behaviour patterns. awareness of why a problem is there is always the first step. i've had counselling too, which was hard for me financially but worth it in the end. i'd like to do more but am not able to afford it at this stage. i think you realise that you are acting on something that is very ingrained in you and deprivation is very hard to get over, whatever form it took. i personally believe that good quality counselling may break through the behaviour pattern.

Thanks so very much :) I've had a bad taste in my mouth for counseling since my mother took all of us kids to conseling when my parents divorced and the counselor was a friend of hers that actually tried planting ideas in our heads (sad, but true) about my dad - that he beat us (which he NEVER did) that he was an alcoholic (which he is not) and that he did all sorts of unspeakable things to us - none of that ever happened. The entire starvation technique that my mother so kindly used on a few of us ended when my sister left home and I moved in with my dad after many calls by my mother to the police stating that my father was kidnapping me, etc. He finally was able to "buy" me from my mother by her allowing me to move in with him and him doubling the child support he was already paying, even though she didn't provide anything for me. See, there was no reason for us to not have food - she was getting an insane amount of child support as it was, she had a good job and always had new clothes and jewelry. Anyway - when I moved in with my dad, there was always food in the house - and I was constantly eating because I didn't psychologically understand that the food would always be there. I'm going to look for that book and see what I can do to find a counselor that I trust.

[black57]

People who are diabetic should know more than anyone the significance of a low carb way of eating. Afterall, they make regular visits to "experts" who should have this information for them. Instead, these professionals use diabetes as an oportunity for profit. Unfortuately they have taught people not to trust logic. Those of us who have made the simple effort to experiment and research the facts have to deal with ridicule but that is all we have to deal with. We don't have to take meds, we don't have to worry about our glucose, we have energy, knowledge and empowerment. What more can we ask.

[AgeesCatch]

Shazzer,
You've encouraged me to try kicking my $1000 a month Enbrel Habit.
Fear on her part is a big obstacle. She's afraid to try it and have it fail for her, but she's far more afraid that it would work for her and you'd be right.
Bacon & Eggs 4ever!

[sambalam]

Thanks so very much :) I've had a bad taste in my mouth for counseling since my mother took all of us kids to conseling when my parents divorced and the counselor was a friend of hers that actually tried planting ideas in our heads (sad, but true) about my dad - that he beat us (which he NEVER did) that he was an alcoholic (which he is not) and that he did all sorts of unspeakable things to us - none of that ever happened. The entire starvation technique that my mother so kindly used on a few of us ended when my sister left home and I moved in with my dad after many calls by my mother to the police stating that my father was kidnapping me, etc. He finally was able to "buy" me from my mother by her allowing me to move in with him and him doubling the child support he was already paying, even though she didn't provide anything for me. See, there was no reason for us to not have food - she was getting an insane amount of child support as it was, she had a good job and always had new clothes and jewelry. Anyway - when I moved in with my dad, there was always food in the house - and I was constantly eating because I didn't psychologically understand that the food would always be there. I'm going to look for that book and see what I can do to find a counselor that I trust.the hardest thing, for me, has been to accept that my mother has issues too. i've been angry at her for a long time for not making better choices but at the end of the day, i have come to realise intellectually and emotionally that i can't change her or the past, but i can change myself and the the way i deal with the future.
the counsellor who was a friend of your mother's - that's not counsel, that's abuse. i doubt very much you'd experience that again.
it sounds like your dad is really supportive and it is a positive that he went to so much effort to have you live with him. maybe you can remind yourself that at his house there was plenty, you don't need to hoard! good luck. :)

[Duparc]

We often think we have problems until we hear those of others which puts our situation into perspective. In being candid, I too am the product of a dysfunctional family but was able to enter the Royal Navy at 15 which effectively broke the emotional-umbilical cord and taught me new values to life.

While the influence of nurture impacted adversely on my future, in the end it was the personality that nature gave me which won through. Had I taken more heed with what nature endowed me rather than being bogged-down by nurture, I would probably have been more successful. When young it is not easy to see the distinction between the two nor to admit one's own part in one's downfall except, occasionally, one begins to recognise that one is different to the false image that was imposed upon one by nurture. Eventually, through recognising and giving reign to this difference one discovers oneself (as crazy as that may sound). It's like the butterfly breaking out of the chrysalis.

The hang-up I had about my father only resolved itself after his passing; it took about 4 years but, the irony is, when one's own children grow into adulthood they develop myths about their own parents (yourself) and subconsciously seek evidence to make those myths self-fulfilling, so the story of life is never ending as it moves into posterity.

I suspect that if we live by our own moral code we won't die with a conscience.

Mostly it is the mavericks of society who advance it, and being maverick is being different. Enjoy the difference and bon appetit, bon vivant, and a happy new year of peace and fulfilment.

[PaleoDeano]

It's funny. People who use to criticize my desire to eat paleo are now asking me more about it. The reason : they see all the "low-carb" foods all over the grocery stores! :lol: And, they are also having difficulty with keeping off weight (especially as they get older and their metabolic abuse has added up). Some are concerned about getting Alzheimer's or getting diabetes, etc. They see how easy I can keep weight off, and how my allergies have cleared up, and how my lipid profile is so good, etc. Still, there are others that are just plain stubborn and rude! I recently had a friend staying with me for a couple weeks who said he was interested in learning about these "low carb ways of eating" as he put it. I allowed him to log in to this site and read all he wanted, to try and see if he would have an open mind to some of the ideas that are on this forum. He seemed very interested and spent a lot of time reading posts. However, he later told me it was "all such a bunch of crap!". He said he had "never read more absurd things in his life", etc. Well, he left about a week ago, and I am glad he did. His negative energy was really getting me down. What do you do about someone like that?! Oh, well. I guess it is just important to stay focused on what is right for ourselves.

[Duparc]

Deano, I take it that you realise that we have many associates in life but few true friends and those are easy to determine. If the other person accepts you 'unconditionally' then s/he is a friend. The person mentioned in your post is an associate and hence the reason for his criticism. His comments are emotional expletives so who or what is upsetting him, and why should he be so upset by something so inoffensive as dieting? From his comments it sounds that your efforts at dieting are showing interesting results which he is unwittingly reflecting back and this should provide you with the incentive to maintain your focus.

[Shoshanab]

Hey Shazzer -- I can totally relate. I'm a type 2 diabetic and I follow Dr. Bernstein's plan (basically paleo) and my mom thinks it's just a temporary thing I'm going through. Every time she eats dessert she offers it to me. She loves me and means well, but doesn't understand how seriously I take this. One bite of dessert will lead to a binge for me, so it's not an option. Not when my eyes, legs, life are at stake. Hang in there! Shoshana

[Hybrid]

Well, if you want to really piss your parents off, here's the argument for why paleolithic is best.

Get the book "Vampires or Gods" by William Meyer from III publishing. Show how all the ancient vampire gods were credited for the invention (or continuation) of agriculture. Argue that agriculture is a vampiric attempt at creating an overpopulation of human beings, and is as healthy for humans as grain-fed, factory farming is for the food animals of human beings. Tell them that you refuse to be a "fatted calf" for the undead, and that you are going to eat the way human beings ate when they were free of the dominion of the vampires who have created and controlled all modern human religions.

That will really piss off your parents. They'll think you went Looney Toons.

After being shocked like this, they may be more willing to listen to rational health-based arguments, rather than irrational vampire-based arguments, as to why paleolithic nutrition is better than agricultural nutrition.

I've found that starting with the extreme and moving to the sensible is a good way of dealing with people who think the sensible way to go is extreme. It helps them put things into perspective.

[PaleoDeano]

I'm really at the point of telling anyone (family, friend, or foe) that "my doctor" put me on a very strict diet, and when I don't follow it I get extremely ill! When they probe me on that one... I will tell them I had a "huge series of expensive tests" done, and had to see a "number of specialists", blah, blah, blah... I would tell people this not only to stop the chiding, but also just to witness their "humbled" expressions... nothing like "experts" and "doctor gods" to quell any skepticism from the average sheep! ;)

And, imagine getting all kinds of "assistance" and "cooperation" with one's diet, rather than all the usual resistance and condemnation!

[PaleoDeano]

Tell them that you refuse to be a "fatted calf" for the undead, and that you are going to eat the way human beings ate when they were free of the dominion of the vampiresHow many of these vampires sit on the board of directors at Cargill (http://www.cargill.com/)?! ;)

[Duparc]

Today, being the day when we see the man with as many heads as there are days in the year, then may I wish you all peace, fulfilment, and a prosperous new year!

In about 4 hours time New Zealand will be celebrating 2006; about a day later Los Angeles will follow.

[Hybrid]

How many of these vampires sit on the board of directors at Cargill (http://www.cargill.com/)?! ;)

I'm not at liberty to disclose that. ;)