Tired Of Being Me

[Frodo2001]

I think it was a cruel joke when I was born. From day one, I have always been an outcast and loner. I grew up in a family of 5 and I was the odd man out. When I was young, I hoped that my life would change but it hasn't
I still have no friends and sometimes I don't even think my husband cares. I feel lonely all the time and most of the time I am alone. I don't think I'm that horrible but maybe I am. I repel people like oil repels water. I'm 33 and by now I thought that I would be used to being alone but it doesn't get any easier.
I often wonder why no one likes me but who would. I'm black, ugly, fat and boring. I wish I was never born.

[lkonzelman]

You sound really depressessed. Have you ever been to a doctor to talk about this.

The weight can be worked on but although you may think that fixes everything... it really doesn't.

But feeling bad about yourself and being negative kind of causes a catch 22... You don't feel good about yourself and you feel bad. People see you feel bad and back away... and so it continues to perpetuate itself.

Think about talking to someone about this.

[SuzanneH]

Fordo,
I don't know you and you don't know me, but if I could I would like to send you a virtual hug! If I lived where you were I would probably give you a kick up the backside lol.
I understand where you are coming from, if you take 'black' from the equation I feel exactly the same at times. There is n o easy answer to how to solve the problem, talking about it is the first step obviously, but then its building your own confidence and relaising that there is something special about you, you just can't see it right now.
I hope this doesn't sound condescending, it is very hard to put down in words.
I just want you to know you are not alone!

If you need some one to talk to just PM me

Kind regards

Suzanne

[cs_carver]

Wow. Big ugly nasty rut and you're good and in it. But something must be changing just a little or you wouldn't have come to these boards. That's a really good thing, a) reaching out, b) finding other people who have been in the same place, c) doing something to change your life even if only a little.

My moods have stabilized markedly since starting the LC WOE. Once they get stable, I can start to see how much of my mood is food-based, and how much due to other factors. I've used everything in the bag of tricks--meds, talk, various support groups, now the internet. Keep coming back! We're here.

[irene1703]

Hey Frodo

Best wishes from Scotland. I am sorry you felt so bad. I hope the clouds have passed for you. You remind me of me (with me it's hormones) only I am rather self destructive too. I can't take something nice and leave it at that, I have to turn it around to be an insult.

My other thing is I mean it 100% at the time and it's not until it passes I feel stupid.

I hope you feel better. If you think your husband doesn't notice or care, perhaps you should kick his arse until he does notice.

[McBear]

:sunny:
:rose: :rose: :rose: :rose:

Dear Frodo,
I have those feelings sometimes too. I have had days when those thoughts are so intense it's all I can do to just hold on and make it through one more day. But that's just it... each new day brings you an opportunity to feel better, to do something good for yourself, or a chance to indulge in something that brings you happpiness. You are here, on this earth, and you are completely capable of making positive things happen for yourself. It just takes one step to create the momentum that leads to feeling uplifted and happier. Even this post is one positive step...Keep going! And take good care of yourself. You are worth it. I wish you strength and peace and momentum and joy.

-McBear

[letsgo]

Frodo

I know where you're coming from girl. I've been looping through these wonderful depressed states since I don't know when. And becasue of that I've gained a ton of weight. I use it to keep people away and damn it works. Which makes me feel even more of a loser and then I eat more etc. This spring after my last failed relationship, I've decided to make this the year of me. That may sound selfish but I have to believe I'm worth it. It started with something simple like getting my nails done. But every week something gets added on. It has helped me be successful with Atkins. I'm now taking a class at the community center. Nothing major just a way to get out of the house and meet people.
I definatly recommend counseling. I know it's a big step and is scary. And well, most places provide community services if money is a problem. But you know, you never know until you try. It's hard to lift the comfortable blanket of depression sometimes. But sounds like you might be ready to lift the corner and peek out!
Lisa, 33

[bfritz_pa]

Dear Frodo,

What the heck are you so depressed about... Take a look at some of these other Threads.. There are people starting them with real problems......

You want to get un-depressed real fast.... Put all your energy into giving a word of encouragement to another person whose shoes hurt more than yours!!

I don't want to sound harsh and diminish your pain. I'm sure you do feel the way you say!! But ..

Pain is when a family member dies.
Pain is when you're homeless
Pain is when you learn someone has a terminal illness.

Look yourself in the Mirror.. Instead of seeing a fat ugly person she the beautiful person god created!!!

[Scarlet]

Dear Frodo,

What the heck are you so depressed about... Take a look at some of these other Threads.. There are people starting them with real problems......

You want to get un-depressed real fast.... Put all your energy into giving a word of encouragement to another person whose shoes hurt more than yours!!

I don't want to sound harsh and diminish your pain. I'm sure you do feel the way you say!! But ..

Pain is when a family member dies.
Pain is when you're homeless
Pain is when you learn someone has a terminal illness.

Look yourself in the Mirror.. Instead of seeing a fat ugly person she the beautiful person god created!!!

Bob

Don't wanna hijack this thread and all but how can you say things like that? This is the depression forum and if you don't understand depression then you shouldn't be here. How do you know what Frodo has been through? Maybe she has been homeless, maybe she has suffered incredible pain. You don't know so who are you to judge? Also, do you really think what you say will actually help? If it was that easy she would have said all that to herself a long time ago. Surely it's enough that she is in such pain, she doesn't need to have the appropriate "reason" to gain your sympathy surely. I am very saddened to see such a repsonse.

Froddo

I am sorry for your pain. I understand how you feel. I am going through a very bad time myself. I think therapy of some form would be of enormous help to you. Post here anytime you want or feel free to pm me.

Look after yourself and believe me when I tell you there ARE people that love you. There are. Just reach out and you will find some of that love.

[bfritz_pa]

Quoting Frodo:

[I think it was a cruel joke when I was born. From day one, I have always been an outcast and loner. I grew up in a family of 5 and I was the odd man out. When I was young, I hoped that my life would change but it hasn't
I still have no friends and sometimes I don't even think my husband cares. I feel lonely all the time and most of the time I am alone. I don't think I'm that horrible but maybe I am. I repel people like oil repels water. I'm 33 and by now I thought that I would be used to being alone but it doesn't get any easier.
I often wonder why no one likes me but who would. I'm black, ugly, fat and boring. I wish I was never born. ]

If the only people who can reply are those that will help you stay depressed there wouldn't be much point.

I could easilly say " poor poor frodo... Oh how I understand and agree with your depression"

But the TRUTH is:

All I hear in this post is self pity and self loathing ( this only we create ourselves ) but don't see any real reason for either......

What would Dr Phil say? He'd give her a quick kick in butt and tell her the truth..

"""If you help people you will help yourself.. You will feel better ...""

People get depressed because they do too much concentrating on their own problems.. unavoidable? Sometimes? As I mentioned previously.

Can I feel Frodo's pain..Sure...

Can I get rid of it for her... only if she take my advice.

Bob

[cs_carver]

Experience, strength, and hope is legitimate. I have learned to disregard anything that smacks of "advice" without backing of personal experience. Fortunately, this is a very old post and I hope she's past the acute phase of the problem. Can't say I've noticed her posting elsewhere on this board so maybe she hasn't come back.

It's true that helping other people will often clear a "bad mood," or "the blues," but that is generally not sufficient to clear clinical depression. At least it wasn't for me.

I read Dr. Phil and all the others back when I was in a place that sounds a lot like where she was when she posted and they didn't do a damn thing for me.

Who died and left you the judge of legitimate pain?

[tigger64]

Frodo,

If you ever check this board, please feel free to PM me. Even tho you feel like it, you are not the only one to ever have these feelings. I have wondered many a time what was the point in being around. Your right, it does help the have friends and I'd love to be yours.

Tig

[Aprilellen]

Bob I really cant believe you can be so callous to someone you know absolutely nothing about depression is not a decision you make to have because if that was the case I wouldnt be in the depressive state Ive been in for years and neither would any body else in this sight you need to do some reading on depression and if you dont like what the majority of us is saying leave we are not keeping you here aganist your will and another thing why is dr phil God just because he is on tv Im sure he has been wrong and failed on many occasions but they are not going to show that on tv RATINGS are what it is all about he is not perfect just like you dont know everything
FRODO please contact me I know the feeling I would like to hear from you and try to help you and talk with you talking is where it all starts...Aprilellen

[orchidday]

Let's be careful here and not get into personal attacks. It doesn't help anyone. Please review the forum rules if you have any questions about this. We all have strong feelings on many subjects so let's not let them turn into personal attacks.

Orchid