"Used to and Am" a line poem.

[RCFletcher]

I am Robert Fletcher.
I used to be obese.
I used to weigh 100 kilos.
I used to buy a kilo of cookies and eat them all in a night.
I used to check soft drinks to make sure they had sugar, not sweetener in.
I used to buy ‘light’ sunflower margarine.
I used to trim all the fat from my meat.
I used to be out of breath after climbing the stairs.
I used to take tablets for acid reflux.
I used to be bad tempered in the morning and tired in the evening.
Life used to get me down.
This is how I used to be.

I am Robert Fletcher
I am moderately overweight.
I weight 79 kilos.
I buy a kilo of cucumbers, a large lettuce, and a pack of celery and eat them in a week.
I check soft drinks and everything else to make sure they don’t have sugar.
I buy unsalted butter and full fat cheese.
I buy cuts of meat with fat on them – and eat it.
I can trot up the stairs two at a time and I’m not out of breath.
I no longer have acid reflux and I no longer take the tablets.
I am lively and happy and the mornings and my energy levels are constant all day.
I am a much happier person and I cope with life’s challenges.
This is how I am.

Feel free to comment or compose your own line poems below.
Robert
:wave:

[ljclowater]

Robert, that's awesome!! I am very impressed by your creativity and touched by the sentiment. Keep up your great work and thank you for sharing your inspirational poem!

[Paleoanth]

That is very nice, Robert! I like how you focus on all the changes in your life, not just the weight loss.

Almost like a verbal collage of then and now.

[red1cutie]

Awesome Robert! Thanks for sharing. Great Idea.

My name is red
That’s who I am
My friends call me cutie
“Cause let’s face it I am

I started this journey at 178
I was tired and depressed
And my body didn’t looked that great

I was constantly hungry
My cravings were out of whack
I was killing myself slowly
My mine was starting to crack

I found this Site
Was is an Accident or God’s Plan?
Then I found about Dr. Atkins
What a great man!

He saved my life
Which was full of self hate and despair
If only he knew
I hope now he’s aware

Now I’m in charge
My cravings are under control
I’m done with Yoyo-ing
And those Low Carb Trolls

I have tons of energy
I only eat when I’m hungry
Who would have thought
I am no longer in agony

I am back at the gym
I finally had the courage to go
I’m killing that treadmill…
“Go Red Go”

I am a work in progress
My journey isn’t complete
I have struggles ahead
38 more heats

I have learnt so much
In those 117 days
And it’s thanks to everyone here
You deserve the praise

Your guidance and stumbles
Have kept me on track
I’ll never find a way
To pay you all back

There is so much sharing
On this site
I think you guys
Are DYNAMITE

I’m raising my water glass
To each one of you
From the depth of my soul
God Bless You!

Peace
red

[LadyBelle]

I buy a kilo of cucumbers, a large lettuce, and a pack of celery and eat them in a week.


I buy those bagged salads. For the first time in forever I actuly eat them before the experation date or they have a chance to get brown and slimy. I used to waste so much produce :)

[RCFletcher]

Nice one cutie, nice one :D .

Maybe we'll start a trend - low carb poetry :thup:

Hi LadyBelle.
I buy those bagged salads
bagged salads haven't reached the former Soviet Republic of Belarus yet :p .

In the winter it's all you can do to find old ladies in the market who make a few roubles by growing lettuces on their balconies :daze:

Robert

[Iowagirl]

I'm just a girl from Iowa
and nothing rhymes with that

I used to be overweight,
ain't saying I was fat.

Started with some exercise,
read the Atkins book

Now I'm full blown low carb
And how the men do look!

Feeling really good today
Best I've felt in years

Thank God for latte breves
and ultra low carb beers!

[RCFletcher]

Fantastic Iowagirl. Funniest one yet. Come on guys - try it - bet you always fancied yourself as a poet :D
Robert :wave:

[JimStone]

Hi. I'm new here. I found these boards by searching for "low carb poetry". Two nights ago I just cranked out a couple poems, and thought it would be fun to contribute.

The first is a corny limerick. The second is more meaningful (to me anyway).

#1: An Atkins Limerick

When people start calling you "fatkins"
It's time to start studying Atkins.
Enjoyment is easy
but food is so greasy
you'll have to stock up on some natkins.

#2 The Way Less Traveled

Ahhh, when I look upon the low fat way
the way I tried and tried and tried again
the way was hard and long and brought dismay
from starving virtue until binging sin.

And when I look upon that way I see
a source of many cravings gnawing deep
with meals of sweet and empty calorie
that made me high until they made me weep.

The day was sweet, that day I'd finally learn
how insulin can come so strong and fast--
the day I'd finally make the low carb turn
and feel like I had never in the past.

The inches melted fast at first, then slow
I gained an almost tantric peace within
A zen-like middle way I'd come to know--
No hungry virtue and no binging sin.

Ahhh when I look upon the low carb way
the way I'm happy knowing I have tried
I ponder how I feel and have to say
The way has left me fully satisfied.

==================

I look forward to lurking for a while!

By the way, I loved the one from Iowa girl (the others were good too). I'm definitely curious about what you look like !!

Jim.

[Iowagirl]

Congrats on your success thus far, Jim and thanks for digging this thread up. Can't believe there weren't more responses! Come on, everybody!

And btw, you would have to shield your eyes - I'm that lovely. :lol:

[JimStone]

Alright Iowa girl, I've got my shades on. Let everyone else get theirs on, too, and then hit us with a picture of your 5'3" 143-pound loveliness.

The way you talk, I'm thinking the experience of seeing you walk into a room could burn some major calories. Excellent side benefit! :agree: It might even inspire more poetry. :wiggle:

Alright, that's enough of that. :nono:

I'm off to eat some chicken slow cooked with onions, celery and cabbage. I think I'll liberally sprinkle some parmesean cheese on it.

Am I using the smilies right??

--Jim

[Iowagirl]

Depends on what you want the smiles to convey! :lol:

Actually I am working on the picture thing. I have no digital camera, no scanner....so technologically challenged, I am. But! A friend of mine told me you can have film developed onto a disc and download this so....I think I might be on to something.

I'll invite you to the unveiling. (nah, that one was too easy..)

[JimStone]

I'll invite you to the unveiling. (nah, that one was too easy..)

Wow. I usually think of myself as a fairly bright guy -- able to use the ol English language pretty well and all that. But I'm having trouble understanding this one.

Please explain.

My paranoid fear is that there will be an unveiling and I won't be invited. Please tell me you're not teasing me :cry:

Ahh -- another poem inspired:
======================
About what's in parentheses
Oh Iowa Girl, if you please,
explain it to me
and then we will see:
a sincere girl? or just a big tease?

Please invite me to the unveiling. Please, Please, Please.

-Jim

[Saccharine]

oh, my. what have i stumbled upon here? :eek:

[Iowagirl]

My thoughts exactly!! (hope my mom doesn't catch me here!)

When I get a pic I will send it your way, Jim.

Where's your's? *foot tapping*

[di52]

Another limerick (and I apologize in advance)

I used to eat carbs by the bucket
One day I woke up and said ~#*& it
I'm now eating smarter
No longer a farter
When I see hi-carb food I just chuck it

[RCFletcher]

Pure poetic genius...sigh!

Come on all you readers - let's have some more!

[Iowagirl]

There once was a low carber from Nantucket...

[motis]

Ok, You've forced me to be creative. LOL.....



I will not eat these eggs and ham
They make me fat, Sam I am :nono:

But would you eat them with some cheese? :p

I will not eat them with some cheese.
Too many calories, if you please. :nono:

But would you eat them with some oil? :p

I would not, could not with some oil.
Too much grease makes my blood boil :nono:

But would you eat them with some cream? :p

Sam I am, don't make me scream.
I could not, would not eat some cream. :nono:

I will not go until you try.
That low-fat junk is all a lie.
You say you can not, will not eat.
But try this high fat, low carb treat! :p

Ok, you win. I'll try your food.
And then you'll see you're one wrong dude.
My butt will swell. My cholesterol will rise.
Right before your very eyes.
But I will eat, dear Sam I am
I will eat your eggs and ham. :nono:

My word! They're great! I love them, Sam!
I do so love your eggs and ham!
I feel great. And thinner too!
I'll take some cheese. Not one, but two!
And give me cream! An ounce or more!
Fried in oil! My taste buds soar! :yay:

Oh, how I love these eggs and ham.
Thank you, thank you, Sam I am! :agree:

~Angi~

[Iowagirl]

Love it!!!!

[JimStone]

Nice poem Angi! :thup:

-Jim

[Saccharine]

! i LOVE IT! im saving that one. :)

[JimStone]

Hey, a little off topic, but how do you get the PM (personal messages??) to work? I can't send any, even to myself.


Here's another LC Limerick
=====================

Yes, get lots of fat in your diet
feel free in your cooking to fry it.
Some experts advise
that this way is not wise
but the tape makes it hard to deny it.

I'll have to try some other styles. (enough of the limericks!) For instance, I love the rhyme scheme in Robert Frosts Poem (I think it's) "stopping by the woods on a snowy evening" (or something like that) You know "Whose woods these are, I think I know, his house is in the villiage, though. He will not mind me stopping here to watch his woods fill up with snow. My little horse must think it queer ... "

Something like...
=================================
"Stopping by the fridge on a hungry evening"
=================================
Whose carbs these are, I do not know
I think I'll quickly dump them, though.
I will not have the fat come back
Until my six-pack abs do show.

My body needs a low carb snack
To keep from gaining inches back
Some sausage or some eggs with cheese
Will keep my weight loss goals on track.

With cravings gone I lose with ease
When offered steak, I say "yes please"
This time I will not face defeat
I have the will of Hercules.

No taters, noodles, corn or wheat
I've months before my time's complete
And pounds to go before I cheat.
And pounds to go before I cheat.

Cheers!

Jim

[Iowagirl]

Excellent Jim! Now, I'd like a haiku...

[Paleoanth]

Jim-

You have to have 25 posts in order for the PM system to work for ya-

Haiku-

Eat fat and lose weight
Screw all that low fat thinking
Give me some butter now.

[Iowagirl]

LOL!!! She shoots, she scores! Ten points for Paleo!

[Paleoanth]

Thank you, Thank you. I will be in town all week.

[JimStone]

Thanks for the heads up on the PM Paleo. I guess this is post number 6 for me. Nice Haiku, by the way.

--Jim

[JimStone]

Iowagirl--I'll get you your Haiku, but I need to know the rules for haiku better (Paleo?). What is it, three lines, with 5 syllables, 7 syllables, and 5 syllables? Are there any other rules? (not that I always follow the rules :angel: )

-Jim

[Iowagirl]

(to the tune of "The Beverly Hillbillies")

Now listen to my story 'bout a doc named Bob,
Poor and overweight he was becoming quite a slob,
Then one day he was workin' on heart
And thought up a plan so the book he did start..
Atkins, that is...low carb.

[Saccharine]

these are so funny!

[JimStone]

After previewing this post, I had some misgivings about posting it without a disclaimer. I want to make it clear that this continuation is meant to convey no disrespect to Dr. Atkins. In fact it's a tribute to both his ironic life and his ironic death. As time passes this disclaimer would become unnecessary, but we're still close enough to Dr. Atkins's death to make this still a sensitive issue for some.
Anyway, perhaps against my better judgment....

====================
A continuation of Iowagirl's Beverly Hillbilies song (you know what they say about imitation) :
====================
Now listen to my story 'bout a doc named Bob,
Poor and overweight he was becoming quite a slob,
Then one day he was workin' on heart
And thought up a plan so the book he did start..
Atkins, that is...low carb.


...Next thing you know Doc A's a millionaire.
Supporter folks bought his books from here to there
They said he'd likely live at least til 93
His diet is the key to living healthily

Good lipid profiles... healthy skin.

The know it all folks from universities
thought he'd die at 50 and from a heart disease.
But Atkins ain't a follower, and he would show them all
All their expectations would be set up for a fall.

(may you rest in peace, Dr. Atkins -- and thank you for bringing the low carb way of life to the masses.)

[Iowagirl]

Set up for a fall? Oh, Jim...!

[JimStone]

OK. I did say it was against my better judgment. So what's the deal with haiku?

Is this one?

That Iowagirl
Encourages everyone
Makes them feel so good.

Or am I missing something else about what the three lines should contain?

Jim

[Paleoanth]

Nope, sounds like you have it down.

[Iowagirl]

Oh, stop it!

[Paleoanth]

Iowagirl rules
All bow before the goddess
Or she will smite you

[Iowagirl]

LOL! Oh please, don't....stop....

There's so much love on this computer.

[JimStone]

Paleoanth rules
All laugh before her humor
Or she will roast you

[Iowagirl]

Paleo - our girl
P.h.D. of bones and stuff
All hail Paleoanth
***************************
Jim Stone, Jim Stone - oh!
Writes poems from Washington
Wants to low carb, too.

[Paleoanth]

OOOhh! Paybacks are hell, aren't they?

Well, I can't say I didn't deserve it.

[luddybell]

omg you guys are sooo funny!! :)

[CuervoGold]

I'm loving these poems! Thanks for sharing, people! What a fun form of motivation and positive selftalk.

[RickinTN]

These poems are so cool :)

[JimStone]

Alright, I think we're ready to try something new.


Let's write a GROUP POEM.

We'll aim for the first one to be in Iambic Pentameter (10 syllables daDUM-daDUM-daDUM-daDUM-daDUM), with an ABAB rhyme scheme (lines one and three rhyme, and lines 2 and 4 rhyme --then the next stanza)

BUT, don't worry!

We shan't be all that picky in the end. (btw -- that's in iambic pentameter)

And if it's too complicated, we can start over with something more free.

RULES -- again in iambic pentameter :)
1. You cannot post two new lines in a row.
2. Don't criticize another person's post.
3. Let's try to keep a low carb theme aglow.
4. And having fun is what we want the most.

Hint -- start your message by quoting the poem so far, and then add your new line.


I'll do the first line, and hope someone picks up from there, so I don't look like a fool -- desperate for people to play with me, when nobody wants to.
:cry:

Line 1:

I went and bought some keto sticks today...

Cheers!

Jim.

[Iowagirl]

I went and bought some keto sticks today
And grabbed some DaVinci while I was out..

[JimStone]

Great Iowagirl! That's the spirit!

Let's get some more people in here.

(I'm even learning something here. I had to go look up "DaVinci low carb" in Google. Now I see how you've lost all that weight and have kept a smile on your face, too :agree: )

[Iowagirl]

Paleo is on vacation so don't expect a reply from her....come on, fellow poets!

[JimStone]

I went and bought some keto sticks today
And grabbed some DaVinci while I was out..
They both work well, but each in its own way...

[Iowagirl]

I went and bought some keto sticks today
And grabbed some DaVinci while I was out..
They both work well, but each in its own way...

Are giving me reasons to shout!

[Iowagirl]

We're all alone, Jim. Just you and me representing the poetic interests of the lc community.

[JimStone]

Yeah. It's just you and me today.

Maybe the iambic pentameter thing is too much. Let's give it another try with a simple ABCs poem. Maybe others will join in this time. Otherwise, we'll just have to play alone, I guess.

A is for Atkins, who stood alone so long, ...

[Iowagirl]

B is for bodies, low carb and strong...

[motis]

C is for Carbs. So wrong and so bad...

[Iowagirl]

D is for DaVinci's that makes us so glad!

[motis]

I went and bought some keto sticks today
And grabbed some DaVinci while I was out..
They both work well, but each in its own way...
Are giving me reasons to shout!

When I got home I roasted up some meat...

[Iowagirl]

(oh no - we're overlapping!)

I went and bought some keto sticks today
And grabbed some DaVinci while I was out..
They both work well, but each in its own way...
Are giving me reasons to shout!

When I got home I roasted up some meat
Tossed in a salad to boot

[JimStone]

E is for Eskimos, eating pure blubber

[JimStone]

Only 9 more posts before PM is activated for me. This alphabet poem might just get me there.

[Iowagirl]

F is for flax meal tasting like rubber.

[JimStone]

G is for grease that I don't throw away

[Iowagirl]

H is for healthy, feeling better each day.

[Saccharine]

it's like the abc poem i learned in 5th grade... about healthy eating... but low carb instead of low fat, lol. :)

[Iowagirl]

That doesn't rhyme, Saccharine! :)

[JimStone]

But it does start with 'i'. :)

[JimStone]

I is for Iowagirl, 73% there.

[Iowagirl]

J is for Jim who hasn't a care!

[JimStone]

K is for ketosticks that taste kind of bland :lol:

[Kristine]

L is for low-carb, which has made our lives grand!

[Iowagirl]

M is for meat - slow cooked or fried

[JimStone]

N is for noodles that must be denied.

[Iowagirl]

O is for Oh! at the scale we do stare

[Natkins]

P is for Porterhouse steaks, cooked medium-rare!

(Thanks Iowa for telling me about this thread. This is so much fun!!)

[JimStone]

Q is for Quick -- how the weight goes away

[motis]

R is for Ryhming...THE ATKINS WAY!

[Natkins]

R is for Ready to tackle each day

[motis]

oops. we've got a repeat on R. LOL. Take it NATKINS!! :)

~Angi~

[Iowagirl]

S is for so long, to the pounds we do wave

[JimStone]

T is for T-bone, it's probably my fave.

[Iowagirl]

U is for unusual, that's what we're called

[motis]

V is for Veggies that won't make us stall

[Iowagirl]

w is for water - drink lots and lots!

[JimStone]

X is a syndrome that's cured with some brats

[Iowagirl]

Y is for Yanni, a low carber, too

(ok, throw me a bone on that one)

[RCFletcher]

Z is for zealot, which we all must be.

[Iowagirl]

Ok, Fletcher - you flunked poetry! :)
How about

Z is for zealot -and our poem is through!

[JimStone]

First of all, I didn't know that Yanni was a low carber. Second of all, nice line!

Cool. This is my 25th post!! I think I'm supposed to get a graduation certificate or something.

--Jim

[JimStone]

Whoa Iowa!

Take it easy on Fletcher. What happened to that encouraging girl we all grew to know and love? :confused: ... ;)

[Iowagirl]

:dazzle:

Woo hoo for Jim! I think you only started this poem so you could get in your posts. You used us! I feel so dirty.

Yeah, I might have been using some artistic license on that Yanni thing.....don't quote me on it.

[Iowagirl]

Sorry, Fletcher - I hope you weren't offended. Just got a bum deal at work and you were within shooting range.

[Iowagirl]

*tumbleweeds*

Now what?

[JimStone]

*Tumbleweeds* ??

[Iowagirl]

In other words, our thread has become deserted. (tumbleweeds, wind, dust blowing.....) Work with me, Jim. :)

[JimStone]

You know, I had planned to compile the whole ABC poem and put it up on this thread. But motis beat me too it, and started another thread. I think we should keep this one going.

Here's another quick poem I just wrote based on the ketosticks joke from the other thread:

=========
Ketosticks
=========
I went and bought some keto sticks today
A doctor said they'd help me lose some weight
He'd tried them for a week and had to say
They worked real well but didn't taste that great. :lol:


Hey, also, the thing about tumbleweeds is that sometimes they're lonely, but always they're free and no one tells them what to do :thup:

--Jim

[Iowagirl]

Ooooo he waxes poetic on tumbleweeds (be still my beating heart!). LOL

"oh that I were a dust speck that I might touch that tumbleweed..."

[JimStone]

Tumbleweed, tumbleweed, so lovely and free.
Tumbleweed, tumbleweed, you mesmerize me.
Tumbleweed, tumbleweed, your life is like art.
Please won't you teach me to follow my heart.

[Iowagirl]

Cute! (is cute what you were going for?)

Give me a topic to write on .

[Kristine]

The Naughty Low Carber
------------------------

I am a low-carber, a seasoned one, too,
I try to be helpful and welcome those new,
Yet I have some secrets I don't like to tell,
I shell out advice but don't follow mine well.

Coffee, I chug two or three cups a day,
And one could not take my Diet Pepsi away,
I cheat regularly with coolers and beer,
Despite all the warnings of those I spout here!

I hate exercise and force myself away
From this damned machine, or I'd be here all day,
I often skip veggies since they're not my fave,
How poor Dr Atkins must turn in his grave.

Yet I suppose that since human I am,
I do not always have to hit a grand slam,
And because my health is outta sight,
I sure as hell must be doing *something* right!

:D

This is fun. I don't want to clean my bathroom.

[JimStone]

Alright, write about Iowa.

[Iowagirl]

Kristine! How dare you expose me like that! LOL

[JimStone]

Whoa.

It looks like our pity party was interrupted by genius.

I wish I'd seen Kristine's post before I posted mine. I would have suggested you write about her dirty bathroom :lol:

[Iowagirl]

Iowa is my home state
Ask anyone, they'll say its great -
from Council Bluffs to the QCA
see corn and soybeans line the way.

We're famous for our farms and schools
The Hawkeye state where fineness rules
The kids are smart, the landscape fair
Goin' to heaven ? - you're halfway there!

[JimStone]

Kristine -- your cheating obviously hasn't held you back too much. Congratulations on being 81% of the way there! (I can't give up the coffee, either).

Nice Poem, too!

--Jim

[JimStone]

Nice--except there won't be any corn or soybeans in heaven, just T-bones and cheese.

[Iowagirl]

In heaven we will all be at goal weight and shoveling every kind of horrendously unhealthy (by ALL standards) food into our mouths. We will exercise - or not! The cavorting and merry making will never end.

Unless I'm thinking of another place...

[JimStone]

No, I think that's right. :devil:

[Iowagirl]

I can dream, can't I?

Help me out....

Twinkle, twinkle little carb

[JimStone]

No, Iowa, I won't do it. You're thinking of cheating, aren't you! Don't do it. It's not worth it.

(Besides, it's hard to find something good to rhyme with 'carb')

[Iowagirl]

Big wussy.

[JimStone]

I'm seeing a different side of Iowagirl today. I think she just called me a 'big wussy'.

At least ... <edited by Iowagirl> ... rhyme with.
LOL

[Iowagirl]

LOL!!! I'll miss you when you get thrown off the forum, Jim!

[JimStone]

Alright, I'll hold back. I like this place. But just for the record, you started it! :p

[motis]

Jim and Iowa, sittin' in a tree
Low C-A-R-B-I-N-G
First comes butter, then comes cheese
Next comes Jim with his hands between her....

GREEN BEANS!!!

Get your minds out of the gutter, people. LOLOLOL

~Angi~

[Iowagirl]

LOL!

You know there's a reason I've never told my mother about this forum.... :devil:

[JimStone]

Cute, Angi. Maybe you can be our chaperone today. You're the one who moved the poem to another thread and left us in this room alone together. :wiggle:

[Iowagirl]

Oh don't tempt me with a reply like that!

[Iowagirl]

Btw, I checked out your web page - very nice!

[Kristine]

:lol: You guys crack me up!

>> I would have suggested you write about her dirty bathroom

Hey, pal - it's clean now. ;)

I have to go run some errands. I'll try to think of some more cheesey poetry while I'm out.

[Iowagirl]

Cheddar, muenster, brie,
Swiss, camembert, bleu,
Oh cheese is so good for you.

How's THAT for cheesey, Kristine? Huh? Huh? :)

[cori]

Twinkle, twinkle little carb
Keeps me out of smaller garb
In the chocolate that I need
Addictive gram that makes me feed
Twinkle, twinkle little carb
Keeps me out of smaller garb

Yep, carb is a horrible word to rhyme with!

Hi Iowagirl! :wave:

[Iowagirl]

Hey there! Glad you could join us. Lots of talent on this thread, as you can see.

Did you see that, Jim Stone? CORI wasn't afraid to rhyme with carb.

[cori]

Cori has no fear. She's stupid that way. And she has a secret weapon....

[Kristine]

>>How's THAT for cheesey, Kristine?

THAT, my friend, is supa-dupa Uber-cheese!

Sugar, foe of mine
Tempt me with your promises
Of taste, but not health.

What do they call the Haiku that goes 5-7-5-7-7?

Sugar, foe of mine
Tempt me with your promises
Of taste, but not health.
Take your sweetness and be gone!
I must save my pancreas.

[Iowagirl]

What's the secret weapon???

[Kristine]

I bet I know: http://www.rhymezone.com/ !! ;)

[cori]

Kristine, you, you would be right. I needed it the other day when I needed something to rhyme with geisha.... Over in the singles thread I felt the need to do limericks. Don't ask me why.

Great stuff here too though. :D

[Iowagirl]

Ahhhh - that's cheating!

[cori]

Yeah, well you come up with a word to rhyme with geisha!!! Or Iowa.

Cheating Cori
Here's her story
No brain of her own
So she goes to rhymezone...

[cori]

A message board I used to live and die by had an extended poetry thread all based upon a beloved male member's flatulence. Toot and gas are easy to rhyme with.

[Iowagirl]

Something that rhymes with Iowa? Ok, that's going to give me a brain cramp.

[racer402]

The only poems I ever write is for my girlfriend and they always make her cry. It's harder to write one that wont do that then I thought. Oh well here it goes..

Fat kid.

The fat kid is what they called me.
The fat kid is what I were.
Since I found this new way of eating.
The fat kid is becoming just a blur.

My life has become something worth living.
Looking forward to each day.
This low carb eating.
Is most definitely the way.

This is like nothing you could imagine.
The way I feel at this time, this place, right now.
The energy level, the strength, the endurance that I have.
Will make you step back and say WOW.

The fat kid I was in the old days.
Is gone now, gone forever.
I am now a hot and sexy man.
And the ladies look at me in totally new ways.
I wonder what they are thinking,
Perhaps a little endeavor?

[Iowagirl]

Woo hoo, Racer! Great poem!

[JimStone]

Twinkle, twinkle, little carb
'Marble' 'le'-less is just 'marb'
Down below my whole wheat bread
Is a piece of 'dar' plus 'ched'
Twinkle, twinkle, little carb
'Marble' 'le'-less is just 'marb'

I don't think you'll find THAT on rhymezone. :p

[Iowagirl]

No, I hear that's a pretty class site. :eek:

[JimStone]

Mayday, mayday, I've just been hit..kkrrrr..I... krrrkrkr ... any longer ... kkrrr ... please ... kkkrrrkrkkrr ... Noooo! ... KaBooom!

[Iowagirl]

We interrupt this program to bring you the news of the untimely demise of our poet laureate , Jim Stone. He was a brilliant man, wise beyond his years. Too bad he left us before reaching goal weight. :rose:

[JimStone]

A few couplets
=========

Sushi octopi so raw
is hard to find in Iowa

Oh, I owe ma and I owe pa
For raising me in Iowa

Rarely is the sky so blah
as is the sky in Iowa

[racer402]

Ok you lost me on that one

[cori]

Wait, Jim - have you seen these:

Limericks from the singles thread about Iowagirl...

There once was a midwestern lass
Who's talking was quite crude & crass
But the boys found her fetching
And all dreamed of catching
The girl we all call the smarta$$

Our favorite wisecracking blonde
Took a neat little trip cross the pond
Standing high on the bar
Those bras sure did go far
And the brit boys did surely respond

[racer402]

Hey I just read thru ten pages of this and now I remember there was something about some pictures of Iowa? Whet ever came of that?

[JimStone]

Those are nice limeriks. Are they accurate?

[JimStone]

Racer, I was just trying to find some things that rhymed with 'Iowa'. I'll admit that my "solutions" to the problem are a bit of a stretch, though.

[cori]

Are they accurate? Well I'm not sure. Do the boys chase her? I'm thinking so. I mean she's got suitors all over the place. Was she flinging her bras off while dancing on the bar in the UK? She says she was, but I'm not sure about that. Not that I would put it past her, but then she's working with disrupting the whole space-time continuum...

[racer402]

Racer, I was just trying to find some things that rhymed with 'Iowa'. I'll admit that my "solutions" to the problem are a bit of a stretch, though.


Jim you did not lose me, Iowa did with the post just before yours.. Man is it 3:30 yet?

[Iowagirl]

Hey! Hey! Geez, a girl goes off to a business meeting and all hell breaks lose!

I posted my pic in the singles thread. Like 3 pages back from where it is now. (page 119, like post 1780 or something)

As for the rest...I plead the 5th.

[JimStone]

Restaruant ideas:

outback steakhouse has some beef
it's top sirloin for me
fish caught off the coral reef
are tasty as can be

Getting food at Mickey D's
Is easy and quite fun
"A double quarter pound with cheese..
and that's without the bun."


Feel free to add your own!

--Jim

[Iowagirl]

There is nothing at
DQ that I can eat now
I'll just have water.

[JimStone]

Oh great Jack in Box
big ultimate cheeseburger
why cheese stick to bun?

[Iowagirl]

KFC has chicken,
but it is always breaded
I used to like to eat there
But them tatos sure is dreaded.

No more fluffy biscuits,
No more coleslaw sweet,
No more extra krispy
Cuz it goes right to my seat.

[JimStone]

Alright, let's get some others to contribute low carb restaurant poems.

I don't think it's a good idea that Iowa and I be left alone in this room again. :nono:

[Iowagirl]

Yeah, he starts whispering sweet nothings...sugar, honey, donuts, cookies....

wait a minute, that's MY voice...

[Natkins]

Boston Market, they have great chicken,
The tasty skin makes my heart quicken.
I love the quarter chicken dark,
Side caesar salad sure hits the mark.
Their chicken salad is divine,
Yes, it's a favorite place of mine!

YUM! :)

[JimStone]

Natkins,

great tribute to your favorite place.

"The tasty skin makes my heart quicken."

What a great line. :blush:

[Iowagirl]

Lonestar Steakhouse is where I eat,
the Delmonico there can't be beat
A salad with ranch
or some veggies to blanche
A vodka martini and dinner's complete!

[Natkins]

Jim,
I'm sure it goes without saying that that line applies not only to Boston Market's chicken!!! ;)

(but maybe that comment belongs on that raunchy singles thread...)

[JimStone]

Mmmmm, tasty skin. :doah:

[JimStone]

This is where Iowagirl tells me I'm about to get kicked off again.

[Iowagirl]

Act like you don't like it.

[cori]

Now, now Jim - has Iowagirl been threatening you? That you'll get kicked off. Yeah, right. Have you seen the things she says over in said "raunchy singles thread"? Please.

Good ditties girls!

[JimStone]

So what's your favorite place to eat, Cori?

[cori]

The girl with red pigtails was makin'
A Wendy's cheeseburger with bacon
I throw out the bun
And dig in for the fun
Of a cheap low-carb lunch that's just shakin'

Yep, it's weak. But it is my favorite low-carb quick meal. And I'm tired :yawn:

[Iowagirl]

Love the girl with pig-tails line!

[cori]

Yeah, it's an O-HI-O thang!

[Iowagirl]

Did you take your hair down for your avatar? :)

[cori]

Nah, right now it's too short. But when it was long - let me just tell you. I had the pocohontas pigtails for halloween down!

[JimStone]

I ate carbs and I got fat
(I ate carbs and I got fat)

Army don't approve of that
(army don't approve of that)

Sound off ...

It's a long march. Make up your own army march chant lines.

[Iowagirl]

"I love quick time harch."
-Madeline Kahn

[JimStone]

Did you say "harch?"

[Iowagirl]

March? Sorry, the visual from that movie clouded my thinking.

[Natkins]

I ate carbs and I got fat
(I ate carbs and I got fat)

Army don't approve of that
(army don't approve of that)

Sound off ...

It's a long march. Make up your own army march chant lines.

No potatoes and no bread
(No potatoes and no bread)

We eat meat and cheese instead
(We eat meat and cheese instead)

Sound off...

[Natkins]

Oh and another restaurant ditty:

Fast food salads, they're everywhere
But none, I think, are quite so fair
As the chicken club at Jack in the Box.

Chicken, bacon, lots of cheese
Almonds and some green veggies
Yes, this is one salad that really rocks.

[JimStone]

Natkins,

your Jack in the Box poem is pretty good,

but it would be even better if you could find a way to

say something about tasty skin again. :agree:

[Iowagirl]

Tasty skin on a skewer!
(tasty skin on a skewer)

Jim Stone's mind is in the sewer!
(Jim Stone's mind is in the sewer)

[RosaAlta]

This thread has been a lot of fun to read, although parts of it made me feel like a peeping Tom. (Jim, you better hope Iowagirl is really Iowawoman, or the Feds might be knocking on your door. ;) )

I'll try to think of a poem to add while I drive home from work. This is a great idea!

P.S. Kudos to Jim for having the courage to use this smiley :agree: for its true purpose. I've always thought it looked obscene.

[Iowagirl]

This is what I really look like. :baby:

Jim dons the orange jump suit.

[JimStone]

Hey Rosa, welcome to the board!

And congrats on the new baby.

Please hit us with some of your poetry.

--Jim

P.S. I try to play nice on the board, and get fed threats. Iowawoman provokes all manner of mischief and gets to look innocent and float off like an angel.

[Iowagirl]

:angel: :angel: :angel:

[cori]

It's only right Jim. No matter what, men must shoulder the blame for those sorts of things. And I gotta back my girl. Cause if she goes up the river, I'm going with her :devil:

[RosaAlta]

Yep, it's sexism in action. What can I say?

Thanks, Jim, for the welcome & congratulations. I love this board and it has made my switch to low-carb much easier. Okay, poetry. It's sad, but this is all I could come up with last night:

I love tortilla chips
But they go straight to my hips
The weight I blame on baby
Could be from donuts . . . maybe
Now with this low-carb living
My pants are more forgiving

It feels unfinished, but I haven't come up with more lines yet. I have a very hard time rhyming. (More of a free-form poet, I guess.)

[Iowagirl]

I think that sounds great!

I believe Jim is on assignment today...rounding up more material to wax poetic about.

[JimStone]

Rosa,

that's a great poem. free form is welcome, too.

you've dropped three pounds since I last saw you. you look marvelous :)

I'm gone for the weekend, but I'd love to see more poetry when I get back. Maybe I'll stir up more trouble on this board when I get back -- poetry wise that is.

Remember, I'm an :angel: otherwise.

Don't let iowawoman tell you anything else.

Have a great weekend.

--Jim

[Iowagirl]

*Iowagirl gathers up all the poets, looks over her shoulder* "Is he gone, yet?"

[Natkins]

Iowa - I guess it's time to stir up some REAL trouble now, huh?

I'll have to come up some more seductive poetry...hmm, something about succulent thighs, perhaps?

[Iowagirl]

Succulent thighs,
bring deep heavy sighs..... (Natkins - take it away!)

[Natkins]

I bite into breast
And moan. Oh yesss

[Iowagirl]

:eek:

Natkins! I am appalled! And amused!

Good line!

[Natkins]

Next one is yours....

[Iowagirl]

(I am trying so hard to filter this)

Rich, heavy cream,
To my eye brings a gleam...

[cori]

A pat and a squeeze
Brings me to my knees

(talking about butter you pervs)

[Iowagirl]

Oh - look at the meat



On the stove - such a treat

[cori]

on the stove? ouchie-wa-wa!

[Natkins]

:blush: Oh my, now I am appalled! We are getting so naughty. Jim will be so sorry he went away this weekend! Look at what he is missing...

Hot and salty, but not sweet,
Such a luscious low-carb treat

[Iowagirl]

Roflmao!!!!

[Iowagirl]

Protein, protein - all that we need
Low carb eating - the dirty deed!

[cori]

well natkins apparently your "snack" only has about 5 calories, mostly protein.

[Iowagirl]

Somebody stop us!

[RosaAlta]

Iowagirl, Natkins, and cori, you girls are cracking me up! I'll never look at chicken the same way again (or heavy cream, for that matter).

Thanks, Jim, & you have a great weekend too!

Now, as to poetry . . . as much as I love reading what you all come up with, I seem to have a creative block myself. I'll keep trying and check back here later.

[Iowagirl]

RoseAlta - scared of chickens, now
We scared her on the forum -
and how!
She can't eat wings, can't have a breast,
even eggs all scrambled
Gives her duress!

[JimStone]

Those girls Iowa, Cori and Nat
taught a new way to take off the fat
it seemed fit for a gent
til I learned what they meant
and please let me just leave it at that.

I'm appalled. I've come to expect that kind of thing out of Iowagirl. And Cori seems a little on the edge -- no surprise there. But Natkins? You're the one who surprised me. I guess that sometimes, beneath a sweet, innocent surface, rages a wild, unpredictable river.

I hope to model some restraint for y'all this week.

--Jim

[Iowagirl]

OOOO... Jim is going to MODEL for us this week!!!

[Natkins]

Yeah, I love a man in restraints! Don't you?

[Iowagirl]

I think this calls for some poetry!

Jim Stone was a poet,
liked to write his verse
Decided he would lose weight
but low fat was the worst.

He stumbled on our website
and flexed his mental girth
flirted with the ladies
for all that he was worth.

So Jim then quit his day job
and donned the handcuffs true
You'll only see his likeness
On the latest of GQ!

[JimStone]

OK, the next couplet challenge might undermine our resolve a bit, so participate only if you feel strong. What are your favorite "cheats"? Here's mine:


If I could only have one cheat
morning coffee's hard to beat.

-- Jim

[Iowagirl]

Oh those chocolate donuts tax
And leave a film of delightful wax.

[JimStone]

There you go, Iowagirl. I think you actually wrote a verse without innuendo, for a change. Unless I'm missing something. Am I?

BTW, I'm flattered by your GQ poem. Made my day :roll:

[Natkins]

To succeed low-carb I've got what it takes
And it's NOT banana nut pancakes!

And though I wish it were not so,
I cannot have raw cookie dough.

[JimStone]

I see you're staying strong natkins.

You're not writing a love poem about your favorite cheats, you're reminding yourself that you shouldn't touch them. Maybe that's why you're down 28 pounds!

MMMMmmmmm raw cookie dough -- you know you want some :devil:

[Natkins]

I ENJOY writing love poems about the things that love me back, but as for unrequited love, well, it's not my cup of tea!!

[Iowagirl]

Raw cookie dough loves all of us, Natkins.....(evil laughter)

[cori]

You know what Iowagirl? Hanging out with you has earned me a baaaaad reputation. Totally undeserved even.

[JimStone]

Cori,

If you want to clear your good name, give me three separate low-carb couplets free from any naughty innuendo.

And for added motivation imagine that Iowagirl and I have a side bet about whether you can do it or not. I'll let you guess which of us has which side of the bet.

--Jim

[Iowagirl]

What if she doesn't want to clear her good name? :devil:

[cori]

Oh man. The pressure.

Low carb eating's no mean feat
Hard to give up all that's sweet

Ok. I'm ashamed to admit, I'll have to try this again later. The only other rhyme I can think of right now is bacon & achin'. Bad, bad cori.

[Iowagirl]

Just don't get him started with any kind of skin reference......

[cori]

I'm gettin' back on the low-carb wagon
So my tushy won't be draggin'

[Iowagirl]

She said tushy!!! That's dirty!

[cori]

nuh uh. gravity's effect on my arse is a perfectly respectable thing to write lc couplets about. so :p

[Iowagirl]

Oh that I should live to see
The sad effects of gravity
Pulling downward on chest et. al
Here's hopping I don't trip and fall!

[JimStone]

Iowagirl, that's very clever. And even the misspelling seems appropriate.

Cori, I only counted two couplets from you. Did I miscount?

I guess that means Iowagirl wins the imaginary bet. I thought you could do it.

[cori]

There was no time limit on it. Was there?

With lots of veggies and some chicken
To my low-carb lifestyle I am stickin'

[Iowagirl]

What do I win? What do I win?

[cori]

You lost. Jim won. Pay up to him!

[badgoat]

O sole mia...
Pass the low carb tortilla...

What's a fat girl to do,
Busting out of her size 22?

badgoat

[Iowagirl]

LOL...good one, Badgoat!

[cori]

Woo-hoo badgoat!

[JimStone]

Cori,

You starting over with your stats?

[cori]

I'm starting over with my stats
Cause truth be told, I'm still quite fat
But yesterday I was an LC queen
And very soon I will be lean

Thank you. Thank you. I'll be here til Thursday.

[Natkins]

The numbers on the scale have jumped!
Though miles I've walked and weights I've pumped.
I've kept my carb intake quite low
So why oh why does it not show??

My patience it is growing thin
My weight's a war that I must win!
Reinduct, I'll start today
This fat of mine must go away!!!

[Iowagirl]

Muscle, muscle - pile it on
And soon that roll of fat is gone
Work out ladies,
lift those weights
Start today...its not too late!

(unless of course, you guys are already doing this and then I'll have to come up with something else...)

[badgoat]

What I'd really like is to snooze,
But then I'll never lose these boobs.

So off to the gym I will go,
and work those weights until I blow!

badgoat

[JimStone]

I tried a low carb diet long ago
but didn't want to give some vices up
I still had coffee, nitrites, salt, and lo
I often had a nutra-sweetened cup

I lost a good amount of weight at first
but when I stalled my habits got to me
the caffeine and the nutrasweety thirst
did undermine my will to stay carb free

I gained the weight all back and mulled it o'er
I'd visited the realm of "almost thin"
Then came I back three steps from fatdom's door
I had to try the low carb thing again.

But this time I would do with fewer cheats
the nutrasweety drinks would go away
I'd eat less salt, and no nitrited meats
forgive me, though, the coffee had to stay

In spite of caffeine daily in my cup
which slowed me down, i'm sure, but not too much
this time the scale would not creep back up
and thindom's door came close enough to touch.

Sometimes it does take more than one good try
How many tries depends on how one eats
I'm starting to discern the reason why--
we each must find our right amount of cheats.

-- cheers, Jim.

[cori]

Ok Jim. That was the best one yet.

[JimStone]

Thank you, thank you.

I had to do something to rescue this thread from page 3 or 4 in the general low carb category.

[Iowagirl]

"Then came I back three steps from fatdom's door"

Love it!!!! :)

[Natkins]

"Our right amount of cheats"
So true!

Thanks for rescuscitating this! I'll have to get back in rhyming mode and contribute a little something...
:)

[Elihnig]

There once was a lady from Maine
Whose food she couldn't eat plain
So doused ketchup on things
Despite tightened rings
No wonder her weight stays the same.



Beth

[GinaLeanne]

I am Robert Fletcher.
I used to be obese.
I used to weigh 100 kilos.
I used to buy a kilo of cookies and eat them all in a night.
I used to check soft drinks to make sure they had sugar, not sweetener in.
I used to buy ‘light’ sunflower margarine.
I used to trim all the fat from my meat.
I used to be out of breath after climbing the stairs.
I used to take tablets for acid reflux.
I used to be bad tempered in the morning and tired in the evening.
Life used to get me down.
This is how I used to be.

I am Robert Fletcher
I am moderately overweight.
I weight 79 kilos.
I buy a kilo of cucumbers, a large lettuce, and a pack of celery and eat them in a week.
I check soft drinks and everything else to make sure they don’t have sugar.
I buy unsalted butter and full fat cheese.
I buy cuts of meat with fat on them – and eat it.
I can trot up the stairs two at a time and I’m not out of breath.
I no longer have acid reflux and I no longer take the tablets.
I am lively and happy and the mornings and my energy levels are constant all day.
I am a much happier person and I cope with life’s challenges.
This is how I am.

Feel free to comment or compose your own line poems below.
Robert
:wave:What a great poem!!!!!!!!! I wrote one, you may be able to find it somewhere, not as good as yours though and mine is shorter...take care, you are doing great. Gina

[zesty]

I am what I create with my mind and live by my actions

[SissyPoo]

Robert, I want to lose my weight like you did.
I love your poem.
I am new to low carb but I am more than determined to lose this 100 lbs. I need to lose.
Robert you inspire me with your weight lost.
I know I can lose mine to.

[RCFletcher]

Great SissyPoo,

Go for it. It isn't easy - but it is possible. You can do it!

Go for it!

Robert

[SissyPoo]

Thanks Robert. I know I can lose it.
I have been following induction for the last five days and doing real good with it.
I printed up a list of induction foods and put it on the front of my fridge so I could see it everyday and eat only what is on it.
I feel like I have already lost some but have no scales so I can weigh myself.
I want to go to Wal mart tonight to get some and see if they have the Atkins low carb book to.

This is going to be a life changing event for me and I have my mind set to do it and never look back again on the old me.
I am tired of being fat and not being able to do the things I want to do and need to do also. I am tired of being short breathed and looking like a beached whale in my clothing to.
I want to live and fun filled and happy life and right now this weight is all that is holding me back so I have decided its time for it to come off for good............